Meanwhile, FWIW to anyone, I realized yesterday that some of you may not understand something about my faith.
It appears that most of you think that I believe/act/live/feel as I do because I converted to Christianity; hence it was my faith and the bible which has molded me.
That's not true. I was never really a Christian until in the last few years. In fact, my whole family was either atheist, agnostic, or a quiet Christian in their own mind. I did attend a lot of churches in my younger life, looking for answers. But they didn't mold me. My parents did mold me somewhat. Mostly all the molding that was done, was already done at birth (genetics, personality type, I've always been different than the norm), then by experiences, by observing, reading, studying, thinking, questioning, observing, etc. I had an idea what I was looking for, but it wore no name, not one I could put my finger on. Yet I wasn't finding it in the people around me nor in the things that were going on in the world. I felt foreign. Alone. The only one on earth who was like me. UNTIL I finally opened my heart -- and instead of ridiculing, disliking, even fearing Christians (because of the bad rep they've gotten thanks to the TV evangelists and other rednecks) I started really paying attention to the words that were being spoken (specially by the more sincere and dedicated speakers) and began to really hear (not just with my ears or mind, but my spirit)... and though I still had to sift through the dross of hypocrites, greedy, misguided, brainwashed/-dead fundamentalists, I began to find a few people more like me, more than what I found elsewhere. It began to feel "right" -- "homey." And though I have many questions yet, many complaints, and plenty of reservations about Christians in general, including the Bible, it's still more "right and homey" than anywhere else. I made a decision. I finally belong where I was meant to belong.
Hence, Christianity didn't form me. I formed myself, but had no where to fit until Christianity. And now that I am here, I'm letting God continue to mold me and correct the flaws and make me stronger and wiser.
So I guess if you hate Christianity, you would hate me, since I was already on my way into it even before I really opened the door and looked inside.
If that makes sense?
If not, never mind. It was profound to me yesterday when it dawned on me. Words just don't convey...as usual.
*another thought* Is it possible some people are "born into" Christianity? If so, how? Cynewulf has mentioned that a few times, about people being "born into it" or "born with faith built-in" or something? Or maybe it's just that those who were born with more tender-hearts find it easier to "believe in God" than those who are scrappers who can't help but cry "Prove it! I dare ya!" ??