I don't know if it helps or not to point this out, but not everyone who bothers to post in U.Hall has played UO since its beginnings. I've played continuously for only five and a half years. I picked up a Samurai Empire box at the store, thought it looked interesting, installed it, and started playing. No friends or family played with me...everyone I have ever encountered in UO has initially been a stranger to me. And, if you haven't already guessed it, I'm female. I also happen to be "old" (in my 50s and yes I have grandchildren).I look at what's happened to this game over the years. Now, it most certainly isn't Ultima Online.
My experiences playing UO have undoubtedly been very different from yours. And I will admit that many times, playing UO has been a way to retreat from and recharge my batteries after dealing with stressful family and work situations. Count yourself fortunate, Evlar, if you've never had to deal with something like seeing your seven-week old granchild lying in a hospital ICU bed, immobilized, his head swathed in bandages and hooked up to multiple monitors, because his father shook him and then hearing the doctors say he will probably never breathe on his own or be more than a vegetable. Then count yourself lucky to not have to deal with the situation of waiting for almost a year for the case to go to trial, wondering what the outcome would be. And then count yourself lucky to not have to continue to wonder how your family will cope when your grandchild's father eventually gets out of prison.Perhaps I just don't understand "stress", having never suffered from it. That's not to say that my life has been a perfect sphere of bliss, far from it. I just don't get stressed about things so much. I get annoyed, I get frustrated, yes, but I prefer to pick myself up and get on with things. I guess I'm thick skinned.
As for what happens in a game environment, really, I just don't take things so personally. Perhaps that's entirely the crux of the problem, not just with UO, but the internet in general. People seem to read too much into what someone behind a screen, on the other side of the world, who they will likely never meet or talk to in the flesh, far too personally.
Is that my fault? Is it their fault? Fault of the internet? Who knows...
Suffice it to say then, that there's a whole other psychological debate out there, when you raise the points you have.
If you've never had a time in your life when you looked at your UO playing habits and admitted that playing UO is an escape from real life, I'm very happy for you. May it always be thus for you. Some of us, however, have checked out the grittier side of UO or read enough descriptions of it to know that participating in that side of UO probably won't provide the break from reality that we think we need at the time.
Please understand why I perhaps don't relish the thought of putting myself in situations where people lacking in maturity and/or tact think it is cool or makes them look brave or "leet" to run around throwing insults at other people, including calling them a "******" or worse. At my age, I know when I'm reaching the end of my tolerance for the day and am smart enough to know that I really don't want to hear that kind of language from a bunch of smart-alecks who casually let fly with such stuff because (1) they're safely hidden behind the anonymity of the Internet, and (2) they apparently don't care what effect their words have on anyone else. I'm sorry that you and others seem to have trouble grasping this concept: You're not like me and I'm not like you. We each react to things in our own way and just because I don't want the same things out of UO that you do doesn't make me a bad person, a wimpy person, a greedy person, or a coward. We're just different, that's all.