[Stealing] Siege Perilous Rat'ventures - Tales of Mischief and Thievery from a Forlorn Place

[Rat]

Please note: English is not my first language so I thank you for your tolerance (at least in this! )

Adding to the well-known uothief.com tales as my humble contribution to the profession and a tribute to the legendary pickpockets out there, celebrating the fact that this dark art is still and has not been forgotten, except by the devs long ago, of course.

The following should also help to answer the... strangest question I always get -when not playing hide and seek with people-: "what did you take?"

Well, let's face it, if you don't know then it wasn't important to you, right...? And more often that not, it's not either to me. But it still can make a good story, and who doesn't enjoy a good story? ^^

On that note let's proceed, and I hope you'll enjoy these tales as much as I did making them!

To the episodes...

• Episode 02 - Learning the Ropes... again, Part 1
• Episode 02 - Learning the Ropes... again, Part 2
• Episode 03 - The Loot, the Bad and the Ugly
• Episode 04 - Joyful, O Thou Joyful Day!
• Episode 05 - Smile, you're on TV!
• Episode 06 - Save our Wildlife

Episode 01 - There are no thieves on Siege
And everybody knows that

It's always been so, and always will be, no secret here. What's no secret either is the state of Siege. Low population equals meager booty. Veteran rewards everywhere, sheetloads of blessed items & tools for the lazy to a point it looks just like a Trammel shard on the few players left around, means even less booty.

But that's not always about the value of the stuff. At least not to me.
Look. It's a free account. No house, no vendor, very limited bank storage, it's not going to be a hoarding run for sure. Nothing to lose, all free -even skills-, so it should be as fun (or pointless) as I can make it. And as you can guess, it will require time.
A. Lot. Of. Time.



Oh boy, oh boy! There's so much more to the job than meets the eye. I mean, who else, running half-naked with 0 fighting skills, 0 magery skills, no armor/weapon/mount/item, still has the disturbing ability to:

- reveal how short-tempered you can be?
- teach you about letting go?
- make the bloodthirstiest reds leave right away?
- make you gather your friends for a (usually unsuccessful) man hunt?
- make you feel unsafe in your own home?
- make you wonder, ponder... and wonder again?
- get you paranoid for the rest of the day, minimum?
... and sooo much more shady -yet legal- stuff!

There you go.
So, playing a thief kleptomaniac on SP nowadays?

 

[Rat]

Episode 02 - Learning the Ropes... again, Part 1
And screenshot or it didn't happen!

Warning: banksitting action. If you're not into townie pickpocketing feel free to skip the whole training episode. No hard feelings I promise.


Heck yeah, bring it on! At least they're warned, too.

I've not been stealing for quite a long time now, and still go by outdated game rules & techniques. Also lacking the reflexes needed to a proper job done. So, back to the school of the art, the obligatory passage point for every pickpocket padawan: banks!

And what better place to start training than good ol'Luna, the most popular UO bank, and capital of intershard Trammelites!
So I start yoinking here and there, training placement & marcos just like back in the days. Not many people around, but business is good thanks to Steve, Raven, Coeus Polus, Hugibear, Ariana Helium, Viviem... (I'm told to name my customers, which is the very least I can do; after all they're the -unwilling- donating heroes ^^.)

Here's some pet and monster gold to add to my tiny bank balance, there's a brand new vampiric katana of slaughter, multi +15s bracelets and rings, treasure maps... and even tools or petals when nothing else is available.
Stuff is steadily piling up in my small bank account. Looking at it strikes me right away: people here are on easy mode. Not being careful, not paying much attention.



In the middle of that training grind comes "A Suicide Bomber". Okay thanks for the hint. I've seen him throwing purple pots at people by the bank. Nobody else around, seems that he's come for me today, laying his pots and sitting on them just like a four-legged chicken from hell with bum-smashing eggs. I move away a few times but he just won't leave me be. Bet the job is easier on afk'ers, innit?

Not sure what's the point here, the res ankh is just upstairs and healers barely a screen away, I have nothing to lose, so I'll just stay still as he attempts -again- to explode our faces with his nonsense. 3-2-1...




Half naked, no resist and I still survive the blast. No need to even call the guards as Mr Suicide went out with his own bang. Can't think of a better definition of a loser... I confiscate his toys... and resume pickpocketing.

First week, first scroll. 115 Ninjitsu, thanks Blacklisted I needed that one, and better eat it right away. There are also things I had never seen before, but the mention "shard bound" makes it sound a worthy item. And so does Legion donate his In Corp Mani Xen to the cause. Nice deco item, if anything. Oh, yet another Major Artifact? Why not, lemme help you get rid of it, my good Lord Panda Express. Seems like you won't be missing such a trinket of quite an average value I reckon, but still nice token of the -now unforgettable- memory of this meeting.


Time to move on, people are -finally- getting circumspect around here.

Makoto moongate. I stumble upon Gideon the gargoyle, who seems to be a storage character by the look of his backpack. Lewkadat, it's Christmas in March! Where's the Suicide Chicken Loser when you need him!



Let's go for that nice 1-stone, old white tree. I always wanted to steal a nice 1-stone, old white tree from a backpack...


Duh! Oh really, eh? Silly game...

As I start removing stuff (other than that nice 1-stone, old white tree) to better see the bottom of the mess, Gideon stays still, doesn't move a muscle. A few "transferts" later, still nothing. Macroing? Oh, right, disconnected... the Trammelite way. There's not a moment to lose before he vanishes.
As I get greedy happens what happens when I get greedy: a nearby NPC gets me guardwhacked. Lulz. Can't tell you how often NPCs react more than players do.

Back to the spot, Gideon is still waiting to share his treasures with me. I gather the piles of snow and ingots, icicles, a faction banner, Holidays deco stuff from my corpse... Dude is standing there, just like a statue on a cathedral, facing north just like some NPC escort of the early UO days.


That's not even fun. Can't hand sell him back his sheet either. I close his backpack and leave, hoping for a better challenge somewhere else.

That nice 1-stone, old white tree, though...

Taking souvenir pictures of my weekly booty makes me think about the UO thievery stories out there. I'd need to train that screenshotting habit, too, if I want to have my own tales when I'm ready for it. There is usually very limited time to commit the perfect heist, though, so adding more steps to it is a tad more difficult than it sounds.
Eventually I could document (most of) my yoinks with the related stealing message before it vanishes from the log.

Guess what, that's not enough, I'm told. I need to also include the "before" screenshot, as readers would only believe stories done this way, they say. Because people with missing stuff won't admit it? I can't stand people of bad faith.
Ohhh they "don't know what I took", right? Lemme tell ya, they often do... why do they ask, then? Granted, some just don't want to look & think, but others use it as a way to minimise the value of their my yoinked junk... and that's always funny, especially on worthless stuff.

But, all right, I'll take that into account. Yet whether you believe it or not, all that crap is for sale, and mind you, I didn't farm it (well, the usual way, you know).

That's your job

 

[Rat]

Episode 02 - Learning the Ropes... again, Part 2
Or three rugs... and a song

Starting a new day with some petty larceny around Luna I eventually stumble upon UnaBomber coming to bank'n hide. That name... another explo pot freak? Whatever. As I keep revealing him he quickly gets mad, and starts running around in circles.



Now reds, like bollocks, generally come in pairs. Where's the henchman? Some more detect gives it away, as expected: here's Gu'Bag, the usual sidekick suspect. He has detect and tracking, but is not -really- trained to use the latter, and misses all his purple pots drops/throws.

After some hide and seek play with them, UnaBomber attacks me. And gets guardwhacked. What did he expect I wonder?



As I loot him secure his stuff from decaying, sGum'Bag throws several purple pots and misses... but still manages to blast his own face. BAM, Gu'Bag no more. And thus I christen thee: Gu'BAM!


No more toys for the boys. But what's all the newbie stuff for?


Two more rugs for the Trammelite capital's bank.

That's the 4th assassination attempt in two days on yours truly. Now I'm not sure that all this violence is absolutely necessary... not that it's met with much success anyway... but I digress.
Tec passes by and comes to check if there's anything left to loot from the new bank's rugs what's going on here. That wedge of cheese will be mine. Yoink!



Arrives Viviem in a death robe. He seems irritated, some red guy(s) just murdered him... again, despite his 6 days old [NEW] tag.



Uhmmm... last week he had a Lord title and a dragon pet -which donated 668 gp to the cause. He definitely still looks rather well equipped for a noob, with plenty of opportunities.
He starts chatting with Tec...



Ohhh so he wants to be a PK, too, and kill [NEW] people, too. But who am I to judge? Now reds' life can be rough, so let's start his training right away! That treasure map is for sure an unwelcome distraction from his goal. Yoink!



And here's a happy returning customer. And even new ones! Yoinky-yoinks!






Guards? If I see one, I shall inform you immediately!

With a few dozen of items stolen within my first week it seems that I earned my stripes as a fearrat, for the customers are now much more scarce and cautious around banks.
My dedicated work to make Britannia safer finally pays off!
You see, laziness dumbs you down. Think about how wild it is out there! That's why I'm glad to help keep people on their toes in such a dangerous world.
I know I know, don't mention it.

Now, the overall value of that stuff is rather low, and I need cash for soulstones. Seems that the best things nowadays are scrolls. How original. Still, I could use a few.
And there are not many ways to get scrolls with a Pointless Journey account: buy them, or steal them. And since I'm broke... and since it's my job... ^^

Luckily I don't have to go far for my first 120 taming & various pinks, as some of my favorite customers are rather slow learners (no "before" pic here, had to be quick).


Guess after the 115 ninjitsu and vampiric katana, I'm definitely blacklisted with that one.



Awwww, more customers, how lovely. After all, it's a week-end. Shiny thinnnngs! Am I a magpie or what? No I'm not. But I do like treasure! Yoink!



While pillaging Bodrunner's backpack I turn grey & guardwhackable, but nobody cares so I just keep helping myself (yes there were twice more scrolls than expected, the sneaky one!) Alchemy and cooking. Sweet.



And now a 0.8 fencing pink. I could use that! Or sell it. Whatever, yoink!


Now I guess that's enough pics, just in case I need to apply for a job in a (thieves) guild...

That's seven scrolls yoinked so far. Hurray! For I have a special tune for this very occasion: Ladriana Grande's '7 Scrolls' song:



Bank box full. Think I'm now ready for the wilderness!



*Lurks back in the shadows, watching you!*

 

[Rat]

Episode 03 - The Loot, the Bad and the Ugly
Ouahou waooo, yaaa yaaa yaaaaa!

Time for some exploration! Wonder what I might come across...



I start the day harvesting piles of gold off the ground. Litterally. Not sure if people will come back to clean up that after-champ spawn mess so guess what, I'll have to do it myself. Go figure. Lemme bank that 60k for the trouble.
Now I should maybe also screenshot what I don't actually steal from pockets or you might not even believe me, oh ye of little faith. And a field of gold piles is always a happy sight I suppose. So going to end up as a reporter I swear...

And here's Dark Prince [-G-] slaughtering critter. Not even for the meat or ressources. Just for the sake of it. Hitting peaceful, inoffensive living beings, that yellow-belly!




Boooooo!

Yet the place seems fit for action, a fact later confirmed by my first guest today, WONYUNGHO [-G-]. Is she daydreaming? Anyway, she won't need that taming ring. Yoink! I run, no chase.



Back to the spot she's gone, but checking around I reveal Phonebooth [-G-] instead, who also seems to be daydreaming. Right there in the wild! I must protect this citizen from evil and loss, by removing anything of value from his pockets before the wicked strikes him...
... which happens right away in the form of a passing by water elemental! Oh noes, Phonebooth cannot fight back, being on the other side of the fence!

Quickly I gather a small band of volunteers but alas, we arrive too late to *ahem*... 'save poor Phonebooth from a grim fate'.



I don't know when he will wake up so I must safeguard his stuff from decaying asap. But the water elemental -which wasn't actually strong enough to kill the poor daydreaming soul by itself-, quickly turns on me, helped by the surviving alligator I brought as reinforcement to Phonebooth's 'defense'. They don't want me to help! See, no good deed goes unpunished.

It takes me two epic tries to gather all the stuff from the corpse, then put Phonebooth's heavily imbued suit in his dart-trapped box and leave it at his friend's house. Should they find it or not is no longer my business, I did my part here.



Truth is, I don't have room for all that crap, so I'll just keep their shiny +15s trinkets as souvenirs of this first day out of town.


Tee-hee!

What a bunch these [-G-] folks I tell ya. Makes me think that I also was in a guild. Oh, and still part of: Barter Town Inc, a merry band of backpacks inspectors you maybe remember if you play(ed) Siege. Then some of their names might ring a bell (or a few alarms ^^): Ladra, Henry Swift, Tea Leaf... all have their UOthief tales. Shout out to you guys!

Now it's time to sort my bank box, for I gather way more things than expected. Still a quiet start, but at least there are some people around.

Many, many hours later...



I'll leave you with the thought of the day by the great British philosopher Ricky Gervais:



*Lurks back in the shadows, watching you!*

 

[domii]

Now I know I wasn't dreaming I thought I had some 0.1 scrolls of transcendance go missing from my pack.
Then again, thats what I get for doing "under the table" transfers in broad daylight in a public Bank (I was trying to skip vendor fees).
You should work part time for the IRS (or revenue Canada) as a tax collector!

I sometimes when I bump into invisible things at the bank I will leave and return as a stealther with detect hidden and see if I can make things interesting for folks as well.

This was a great read and made my day. I hope you will continue your adventures!

 

[Rat]

Oh I do collect taxes, it comes later storywise.

Yes please do come and spice things up! Who knows what might pop out of the shadows

Thank you for stopping by!

 

[Rat]

Episode 04 - Joyful, O Thou Joyful Day!
Scumbag Rat iz da Boss

Didn't notice it yesterday but... Holy shamoley! I managed to steal the Barter Town Inc guild leadership! A true achievement for a thief ^^.



Now that I'm the custodian of the title, starting my round right away to find something worthy of my new position.

Stealth-checking prices around, I see Wendy [VlCE] getting revealed as she steps on me while stealthing, too. Talk about luck... She quickly throws a purple pot at my spot (seems to be THE #1 fun thing around) but still gets guardwhacked, being so close to the moongate. What did she expect I wonder?


No more toys for the miss. Oh, mushrooms, eh? Yeah, that would explain it.

Next!

Banking this unnecessary load I come across Lydia and her intriguing ornament of lanterns... well well this looks like a nice deco item for the house I can't have. Yoink!



Next!

Ohhh look now, nasty rats killers! What a mess. And not even for food, either. They won't get away with it.


Hey I was in school with one of 'em!

Kelmain, Sillavana Quina, Captain Crunch [DRMA] and Loviatar [-G-] are finishing the piper. Results: a 120 meditation and a 115 eval int among other lower scrolls & trinkets!

*yoinky-yoink the 120 meditation white & run!* Weeee-ehhh-yippee-ki-yayyy! Got so excited that I forgot to screenshot it before the steal. But no way would I waste a second on this and lose such an opportunity.



Let's go back for the 115 eval. This time as I spend waste two seconds to take the screenshot, Sillavana moves & everybody leaves right away through the altar gate because, I suppose, it's not 'safe' around... so, enjoy the picture.


Really need a way to steal & screenshot at the same time, meh!

Let's go for some free clean-up points as leftover piper loot, then off to the bank with my quickly-earned millions.

A short, but nice day indeed!



See you in the next episode (no, not the song, though it can add to the ambience).

*Lurks back in the shadows, watching you!*

 

[Max Blackoak]

That Wendy character is a fake VICE. The guild she's in is actually spelled VLCE with a lower case L... it's an alt of one of the DRMA players

 

[Rat]

Thank you for the precision, Max.
____________________________________________________

Episode 05 - Smile, you're on TV!
Lowlifes are not those you would think of

With the few bits of conversations I could grasp around it seems that people are talking about me, which I must say, is quite bad for me business. Also, not having access to general chat is as good as it's cumbersome. But, that's the way it is.

Looks like I can no longer conceal the fact that I'm roaming around, and might just as well advertise my trade, so let's work on the presentation...



That done, I take a stroll and stumble upon a... living ghost. Let's have a look at today's first guest. Right, fresh off the press character. Not even banked his newbie sheet, already daydreaming in the wild. What an adventurous... spirit! But keeps disappearing. Not very helping if you ask me. Macroing? But why would a noob do this here? What's the point?



Whatever. So he dreams of being a ghost -the invisible kind, you know-, eh? Luckily for him, I can make it happen! Just saw some helpers around, lemme fetch them...
Okay, it will be painful, but quick. Hang on, don't move (har-har)...



Then I come across yet another of those wraiths at a remote spot. Mookie. No kidding. Dafeck?
Anyway he won't need the regs and cash either, lemme help... myself.


A coin is a coin

A few days later... Wookie is there again. Same sheet, different spot. What's wrong with him? Scorpions enlisted for Wookie the (real) ghost, Part 2.



But, really...



Asking around I'm told that these are modern versions of the former trial accounts ghost cameras. Posting free toons in wraith form to spy on tactical spots and (automatically) report local activity. I had forgotten about that stuff. And bots that spot/reveal stealthing characters. Really?

Months later...


Now THAT is a suitable spot for a camera.





Fine!
'Til next time, folks.

*Lurks back in the shadows, watching you!* (too)

 

[Rat]

Episode 06 - Save our Wildlife
Or STIC with me

Taking a stroll in the wilderness I stumble across yet another vision of bloody nightmare; an entire flock of sheeps has just been massacred.



Granted, this time it's obviously for the resources, yet why are people unable to wait for nature's cycles to complete?
Sickening greed.

As I reach the sea shore for a healthy dose of fresh air... oh boy. *facepalm*



Busy depleting deep sea life -and not for food-, Moby Dic [DRMA] and his pet pay no attention to me as I proceed to 'collect' a MiB as save-our-wildlife tax. Should be a decent pay for the poor guy who will have to clean up all that stinky mess. Yoink!



Now since he's also exploiting animals to do all the dirty work for his own profit, he'll get an extra tax strike in the form of a freshly recovered treasure map...



- "Rat, come here please, I'd like to talk to you", he says.
- ?
- "Lemme ask you something... please" he insists.
- Uhm yes?
- "All kill" *Mobys Angel is attacking you*

I manage an honorable retreat, thinking that he will be following as soon as he's blue again since the fishing day isn't paying too well (from his point of view, of course)... and there he is.

Not much of interest among heavy stuff, and not the best neighborhood to go for it...
But he won't get away with that sneaky aggression. Here's a bonus yoinky-sting, and the 8 sulfur extra-extra tax.





Next!

Exploring the mysterious lair of amazing icy wonders I stumble across Jon America [-G-] farming White Wyrms, an endangered animal and guess what, it's still not even for food.
Lemme check that bag...


Oh she won't need that treasure map. *yoink!*

Shortly after I ran back into the shadows comes another member of her guild. He proceeds to collect her cash and items of value just like I started doing, but he's the only one here getting all the glory for it. Go figure.
He leaves with the stuff.

Fine, next!

Passing by an old dungeon entrance I hear some strange music coming from inside the cave. Siren is there, beguiling dragons in their own territory with her tricky songs, turning these formidable creatures of ancient wisdom into bickering puppets in her greedy hands.

Let's see if a bit of hide'n seek could... persuade her to move along. After a short samba she finally meets her end from two angry dragons.


Ohhh, one does look less smart now, eh?


Very quickly she gets back to gather her stuff, and call it a day. Sharp girl.

A few days later, there she is at it again. Right. Let's see if she can handle five dragons at a time.




Not really, I should say!

See, there's always a bit of truth in legends: a siren's song is a bad omen, unavoidably leading to death. 16k, music instruments and stuff confiscated. I'd offer a buyback, but right now I'm not really in a position of parley...
... and I've seen what "friendly" people are up to.



But the ancient dragon knew that I was there, and thanked me for getting rid of the evil witch. He also assured me that, should I need help in the future, they would gladly return the favor.
Thank you, mighty dragon lord!

Next!

And here's a happy returning customer at it again, farming Miasma, a rare wild arachnid specimen and -as usual- the local minotaur fauna guards are not doing their job. Slackers.

A thorough backpack check doesn't return anything useful or valuable... fundraising is a long term endeavour I suppose, innit?
Let's go for that oversized knife, so he won't be able to hurt himself -or me- with it. Yoink! (yeah this time I made sure that the pet is busy enough so Mr Dic just can't do anything about it.)



But where am I going to store all this stuff? Really should start offering buybacks, for I have no use of all the pixel junk, and as you know by now, I'm a lil' goodwilled rat ^^. But on Siege it should have a catchy name!

I hereby found the Siege's Trammelite Insurance Company (STIC), where you can claim your stolen/looted lost & found stuff for a fee. Why this name? Because the fee doubles every time you call me names or attempt to harm yours truly. That's the stick effect.

But STIC? Not STICK? What about the K, you may well ask?



*Lurks back in the shadows, watching you!*