- Champions, when will you ever learn? Step into my office. Nurse Akali here to make those boo boos feel all better. 487 RP
- Thunder Lord Volibear came in complaining of a sprained ankle and tension headaches. Rampaging across Summoner's Rift on all fours can't be good for an armored bear's back. I'm prescribing two of the largest acetaminophens I can find. 487 RP
- Complaining of nausea and lack of balance, Temple Jax should get on a real diet before jumping around like a madman. Too many red potions and energy drinks will take its toll, you know, and that's before the kidney stones kick in. Rest up for a match or two and things should settle. 487 RP
- Shyvana's suffering from some minor fractures and bruises after she streaked through the sky in dragon form and crashed headfirst into a wall. Think before you gank and you won't be in so much pain! 487 RP
- Oh, look who finally came down with a case of scurvy! Gangplank, you can't skimp on the oranges if you expect to stay healthy on the battlefield. Take these tablets and you'll be right as rain. 395 RP
- LeBlanc, you may be a conniving trickster who eludes most inspections, but you still can't hide from my x-ray machine. You'll fork over gold for every broken bone I find and fix. 395 RP
These champions may be battered and bruised, but they'll still perform. Grab them half off while they're resting in my infirmary from March 5 to March 8. After that, I'm discharging them immediately!