Gather round, kids. Settle down now. And no hitting. I'm going to tell you a story about the way that Guild Gilfane's salacious tractates are forcing our nation to face embarrassment after embarrassment and disaster after disaster. In the first place, Guild Gilfane believes that it is everyone's obligation to fund, assemble, and train the most abysmal hooligans you'll ever see to contaminate clear thinking with his indelicate scribblings. That view is anathema to the cause of liberty. If it is not loudly refuted our future will be dire indeed.
For the sake of the universe, I hope that this is the only planet that contains biggety schnooks like Guild Gilfane. I apologize if the following points are hard to follow but they're quite relevant to the gist of my argument. First, facts and their accuracy make a story, not the overdramatization of whatever Guild Gilfane dreams up. And second, Guild Gilfane's ratiocination skills are nothing to write home about. All of this means, of course, that Guild Gilfane is the hypostatization of totalism. For the benefit of any doubting Thomases I will prove that point via an explanation of how Guild Gilfane wants to get me thrown in jail. He can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that Guild Gilfane claims that everyone and everything discriminates against him—including the writing on the bathroom stalls. I respond that he provides simplistic answers to complex problems.
Let's just ignore Guild Gilfane and see what he does. Individually, his smears spew forth ignorance and prejudice. But linked together, his ruderies could hammer away at the characters of all those who will not help him convince others that spiteful, fractious pauteners are the "chosen people" of scriptural prophecy. He believes that he is perched atop the moral high ground. If so, then maybe Guild Gilfane should climb down to scavenge for some facts before claiming that he is the way, the truth, and the light. Naturally, if we don't focus on concrete facts, on hard news, on analyzing and interpreting what's happening in the world, then he will soon become unstoppable. No borders will be able to detain him. No united global opinion will be able to isolate him. No international police or juridical institutions will be able to interdict him.
If we are powerless to step up to the plate and offer manumission to those who are held captive by Guild Gilfane's garrulous prophecies, it is because we have allowed Guild Gilfane to promote a form of government in which religious freedom, racial equality, and individual liberty are severely at risk. He is decidedly up to something. I don't know exactly what, but Guild Gilfane recently made the astonishing claim that he knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. Stripped of all its hyperbole, this statement is really just saying that Guild Gilfane finds reality too difficult to swallow. Or maybe it just gets lost between the sports and entertainment pages. In either case, trying to keep Guild Gilfane from undermining the intellectual purpose of higher education is a sucker's game. No matter how hard we try to stop him, he'll always find some new way to foment hypocritical forms of political tyranny.
After hearing about Guild Gilfane's heinous attempts to make a cause célèbre out of his campaign to have more impact on Earth's biological, geological, and chemical systems during our lifetime and our children's than all preceding human generations had together, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level. Guild Gilfane's drug-induced ravings are evil. They're evil because they cause global warming; they make your teeth fall out; they give you spots; they incite nuclear war. And, as if that weren't enough, I've heard numerous complaints about Guild Gilfane's behavior. Many people I've talked to have complained that Guild Gilfane comports himself like a filthy pig, heedless of all needs but his own. Among these needs the paramount one seems to be the need to transform our society into a selfish war machine. This backs up my point that he appears to have a problem with common sense and logic. It follows from this that someone has to be willing to challenge Guild Gilfane's claims of exceptionalism. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that Guild Gilfane is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong.
Guild Gilfane's goombahs believe that Guild Gilfane has a close-to-perfect existence that's the envy of the wretched mafia dons around him. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to get the facts out in the hope that somebody else will do something to solve the problem. If he had his way, schools would teach students that Guild Gilfane is a voice of probity. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how Guild Gilfane's bootlickers are too lazy to name and shame Guild Gilfane's protégés for their inarticulate acts of Mohockism. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that Guild Gilfane has been known to say that his perorations enhance performance standards, productivity, and competitiveness. That notion is so shambolic, I hardly know where to begin refuting it. While Guild Gilfane is notorious for trying to convince self-indulgent publicity hounds that there is absolutely nothing they can do to better their lot in life besides joining him, those who have most injured and oppressed humanity, who have most deeply sinned against it, are, according to Guild Gilfane's standards and conscience, good people. Apparently, bad people are those who have noticed that Guild Gilfane is absolutely determined to believe that his vaporings are Holy Writ, and he's not about to let facts or reason get in his way.
Guild Gilfane is on some sort of thesaurus-fueled rampage. Every sentence he writes is filled with needlessly long words like "counterexcommunication" and "antianthropomorphism". Either Guild Gilfane is deliberately trying to confuse us or else he's secretly scheming to combine, in a rare mixture, bestial cruelty and an inconceivable gift for lying. I don't want this to sound like sour grapes, but by comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more irrational, prodigal, and gutless society, all thanks to Guild Gilfane's paroxysms. Judging by the generally base-minded nature of Guild Gilfane's goons, I can see that I, hardheaded cynic that I am, have one itsy-bitsy problem with Guild Gilfane's insults. Videlicet, they condemn children to a life of drugs, gangs, drinking, ****, incest, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and a number of other horrors. And that's saying nothing about how if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that Guild Gilfane can dole out or retract. In fact, that's exactly what Guild Gilfane does as part of his quest to label everyone he doesn't like as a racist, sexist, fascist, communist, or some equally terrible "-ist".
Guild Gilfane talks loudly about family values and personal responsibility but when it comes to backing up those words with actions, all he does is subvert time-tested societal norms. I never used to be particularly concerned about his catch-phrases. Any damned fool, or so I thought, could see that you, of course, now need some hard evidence that he has been floating rumors that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. Well, how about this for evidence: Guild Gilfane does not merely purge the land of every non-puerile person, gene, idea, and influence. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. When people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Guild Gilfane is to blame.
Currently, Guild Gilfane's put-downs merely enable stuck-up sandbaggers to punch above their weight. As you will see within a short period of time, this is only the tip of a gigantic iceberg. I can't follow Guild Gilfane's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that I've tried to explain to his purblind, prolix satraps that under the guise of stimulating debate and illuminating diverse perspectives, his malisons actually provoke terrible, total, universal, and merciless destruction. As could be expected, they were a bit slow on the uptake. I just couldn't get them to comprehend that Guild Gilfane is a waste product of biological evolution. This just goes to show (to me, at least) that he is absolutely versipellous. When Guild Gilfane is among plebeians, he warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against adventurism. But when he's safely surrounded by his lieutenants, Guild Gilfane instructs them to befuddle the public and make sin seem like merely a sophisticated fashion. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that if we serve on the side of Truth then the sea of ultraism, on which Guild Gilfane so heavily relies, will begin to dry up.
Guild Gilfane is doing some pretty vainglorious things. Or, to restate that without meiosis, he doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. He uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive. If, today, the urge of Guild Gilfane's war-soul can prompt him to judge people by the color of their skin while ignoring the content of their character, then imagine, if you can, how that same soul will express itself through the thousandfold-more-yawping Guild Gilfane of tomorrow. The two things I just mentioned—the way that he is not interested in a true and honest improvement of social conditions but rather in a way to impose a narrow theological agenda on secular society, and the fact that I am offended by the way he talks down to me—may sound like they're completely unrelated, but they're not. The common link is that documents written by his vassals typically include the line, "Guild Gilfane's writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind's spiritual and intellectual development", in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that if everyone does his own, small part, together we can acquire the input of a representative cross-section of the community in a non-threatening, inclusive environment. Let me leave you with one last thought: I, speaking as someone who is not a dour quidnunc, firmly believe that by exploiting social discontent and promising a golden age of "human brotherhood", Guild Gilfane will be successful in his attempts to destroy, debauch, devalue, and dehumanize a wide assortment of innocent people.
