You're Full Of Ship

[Prince Caspian]

Lord Blackthorne strides down to the docks, his Black Chaos Shield gleaming in the morning sun. He approaches the docs where he is greeted by the finalists of the Galleon Construction challenge. What is the best each race can produce?

Oroku Musashi, The Tokuno Delegate: "Set your eyes on this fine sanpan galleon, honorable gaijin shogun. The elegance of Tokuno is evident in its quick responding helm, its majestic sails and its generous cargo hold. It flies faster than any other ship, slicing through the waters like a Fan Dancer's tessen."

Blackthorne: Indeed. What a sturdy vessel. Maybe the Empress will stop losing her treasures at sea.

K'Traugh, The Ter Mur Delegate: "Ha. Elegance? That hideous fright can't possibly compare with this, the Gargoyle Galleon. Crafted with the splendid craft of the racially most gifted artisians IN this world, The Gargoyles. Much faster and magically enhanced to outpace anything on the water, and packing a truly terrifying seven cannon punch, this is truly the best craft available for Your Excellency's Conveyence..."

Blackthorne: "Wow. This IS quite a vessel."

Gorkmug, The Orc Delegate: "HA! *snort* That bucket will break apart like a chair in a bar fight. Yer lookin' at the Bloody Fist, prototype of The Orcish Navy Enforcer Galleons. It may not be as pretty as the Tokey or the Garg, but it could take em BOTH on and win. Hull made of Bloodwood, reinforced with iron from the Growling Hellhound Mines. A big hold, much better cannon than the popguns either of these nancies have... this is the vessel you want. Cuz after all, drynose... the best way to win a fight is to kill the other guy before he starts. Har!"

Blackthorne: Very impressive. Brutal and malevolent, right up my alley. OK, now let's see... what do WE have?

Boob McNutt, The Britannian Delegate: "Duuuhhh..... Long Boat. Huh."

Blackthorne: "What?"

Boob McNutt, The Britannian Delegate: "Yuh kin have it WIF or WIFOUT a dragon head, there. Duh-HAW!"

Blackthorne: "Don't WE have a Galleon? We have far, far, far more riches, magic, and resources than Tokuno, Ter Mur OR all the orcs in Britannia put together and doubled! And this is all we have?!?!"

Boob McNutt, The Britannian Delegate: "Galleon? Uh, yeh. Um, go over to that there pub and ye kin getcha a galleon of milk, a galleon of wine, a galleon of water..."

(Long pause)

K'Traugh, The Ter Mur Delegate: "My God. I can't believe we lost to THESE guys in Ultima VI."

 

[Jhym]

A slightly different take:


Britannian Chief Shipwright Trent Yes, milord, we can have twenty of those balsawood dragon ships for you by next month. However, I have had my teams designing new, more impressive ships with all the new materials and technologies we have. I'm sure you'd like to see some of them.... ?

Lord Tainmont, Secretary of the NavyHmm... well, that sounds good and all that, but perhaps we should concentrate on supplying the ships we need rather than some new-fangled ships. I'm sure they're very expensive too, yes?

Trent Yes, they are, but they include all the newest technology, including front and side mounted cannon as well as much more efficient sails and boat design for better speed.

Lord Tainmont Hrmph.. well, we can't afford anything more than we are buying. If you threw in the cannons for free... perhaps...

Trent I see. So Britannia is now a nation of the poor?

Lord Tainmont I didn't say that at all. I don't think we need extravagant new ships, after all, nobody uses the oceans anyway.

Trent I have four foreign principals interested in my designs thus far, I was hoping Britannians would wish to be the first to...

Lord Tainmont NOBODY uses the oceans. The Secretary of Magery allocates most of our funds at the moment as it is. Just deliver those boats by next month. Hrmph. I'll see myself out.

Trent... *touches an amulet on his sleeve* Miss Harsgrove, please send in the emissary from Tokuno...


And, once again, Britannians lose out to others.

 

[MalagAste]

LOL that's awesome.... sad but true....

Don't feel bad the Elves don't have a ship either.

As a Dark Elf I think I need one with a Spider symbol on the sails...

 

[Trebr Drab]

All the money is in Luna.