[UO Herald] New Fiction: A Time of Mourning

[LordDrago]

A spellchecker run through is pretty much all the attention paid to the writing in this one, but a spellchecker is no substitute for a reader checking the content - we're not talking about weeks spent proofreading a novel, for heaven's sakes it's a four paragraph piece with so many misuses of English it's embarassing (or should be, if they cared about it enough to BE embarassed).

"Up upon" (Up onto, or upon, but not both), "Within the coffin held the body" (No, the coffin held the body, or within the coffin was the body...), "one of the flowers that adorned both sides" (pretty big for one flower!), "telling her of the plans of the sword and how hopefully it would work" (plans FOR the sword, and Dawn hopes the plan or the sword will work, whereas that gibberish suggests the sword is 'hopeful' about how it will perform), "She had spoke " (the word is 'spoken'), ""laid her her hand gently on top of the Marble coffin " (one 'her' too many and marble is not capitalised)... it's such poor quality English and sloppy work.

Then there are sentences that are just poorly punctuated - " Your death will not be forgotten, Your enemies become my enemies,Your death shall be avenged by your countrymen and friends." (Replace every comma with a full stop, or stop capitalising when it's incorrect to do so), "Sherry watched as people from all lands, came to pay respect to Dawn" (drop the comma, it's not needed or useful).

Then there's the downright hideous construction. "He who had been under Virtuebane’s spell, and he who had taken his own life after being released from his mind bond, after seeing his beloved wife lying at his feet, dead from his hand.". That clunker needs some of the spare punctuation scattered badly in other parts of the piece.

UOHerald should matter, even the fiction they put there. This is the front page, world wide advert for the game. The message from this piece is "we have some nice enough ideas about the storyline, but we dash them out in two minutes, with minimal literacy, never put any effort into quality checking, and think that's good enough to dump on our customers".

It may be a true reflection of EA's attitude to us and UO, since the amount of stuff that comes out badly tested or hopelessly bugged is far too high, but it seems that now they can't even bother to spin the product decently in it's main (and almost only) advertisment. As has become usual, not particularly bad ideas and probably good intentions but woeful implementation.

Hey, just be glad the fiction doesn't have to go through the legal department, then over to the PR department, then back to legal......
or the fiction might go the way of the Dev Video or NOT GO the way fo the Dev Video

 

[gortman]

Maybe the devs should consider allowing formation of an advisory committee. Members would be player volunteers such as those who have posted on this thread.

When the devs complete their rough draft of the fiction that advances the next part of the story, they send the rough draft to this advisory committee. The committee makes suggestions to improve the story and ensure it is in keeping with Ultima lore.

Unless there's some kind of legal reason not to do so, devs consulting the player base to get the best product possible seems like a smart move to me.

 

[GalenKnighthawke]

Maybe the devs should consider allowing formation of an advisory committee. Members would be player volunteers such as those who have posted on this thread.

When the devs complete their rough draft of the fiction that advances the next part of the story, they send the rough draft to this advisory committee. The committee makes suggestions to improve the story and ensure it is in keeping with Ultima lore.

Unless there's some kind of legal reason not to do so, devs consulting the player base to get the best product possible seems like a smart move to me.

I think they should hire a 10 to 20-hour a week fiction editor/writer; storyline editor/writer; loremaster. First project would be to edit their fiction "bible," which appears to be not kept up to date terribly well. Second project would be to design whatever it is that's going to happen after In the Shadow of Virtue.

-Galen's player

 

[Martyna Zmuir]

I think they should hire a 10 to 20-hour a week fiction editor/writer; storyline editor/writer; loremaster. First project would be to edit their fiction "bible," which appears to be not kept up to date terribly well. Second project would be to design whatever it is that's going to happen after In the Shadow of Virtue.

-Galen's player

*sigh*

If only.

This could allow for a weekly fiction post to keep the long-term arcs relevant and fresh. Hell, this would help deal with loose plot threads too. I'd say a we need a nice fiction clean up period before launching the next Big Bad at the shards.

 

[GalenKnighthawke]

*sigh*

If only.

This could allow for a weekly fiction post to keep the long-term arcs relevant and fresh. Hell, this would help deal with loose plot threads too. I'd say a we need a nice fiction clean up period before launching the next Big Bad at the shards.

*nods*

I actually question if the next scenario should have a "big bad" per se. I think the next couple of scenarios should be smaller in scope, and should lead into content additions or boosters. For example, if there'll ever be a Level 2 of the Stygian Abyss, there should be a story arc leading into its discovery.

Or if they are ever going to add content to older dungeons, especially in the Britannia map (which they surely should do...how long's it been?) then there should be a story arc leading into that.

Or, Hell, a Faction-esque or Order/Chaos-esque conflict that leads to the Kingdom's next ruler. No evil (so no Minax/Guardian/Mondain/Exodus supporters), just a clash of personalities and ideologies, where old grudges might be held after the fighting stopped, but didn't necessarily have to be. PvP would be useful but perhaps not necessary; perhaps NPC armies could be fought and points totaled up to determine a winner. (Though this one is fraught with risks.)

I would like to think that the addition of the Gargoyle Separatists is a foreshadow of the next event cycle, either way.

-Galen's player

 

[Tinsil]

Does EA know microsoft word helps show you grammar mistakes as well???

 

[GalenKnighthawke]

Does EA know microsoft word helps show you grammar mistakes as well???

It kind of sucks, though. I, for one, turn it off.

-Galen's player

 

[G.v.P]

Does EA know microsoft word helps show you grammar mistakes as well???

It kind of sucks, though. I, for one, turn it off.

-Galen's player

I don't like to complain too much about technical errors in the fiction ... unless a job opens for a fiction writer, and then I'd take it (with heavy communication with Galen and Martyna, lol). But what ever happened to proofreading? You don't need a program to check grammar for you, you just need to read what you wrote a second time once the text is done to avoid writing "her her" and stuff like that.

For me, as long as the fiction describes what will happen next, I'm happy. Come on, live content arc!

 

[Basara]

Does EA know microsoft word helps show you grammar mistakes as well???

It kind of sucks, though. I, for one, turn it off.

-Galen's player

In my experience Grammar Checkers fail MISERABLY when dealing with dialogue, or prose fiction dealing with present tense events. They are primarily meant for use in checking business reports. As a result, I turn the checker off when testing it with my own fanfic writing invariably turns into a mass of "grammar errors" being indicated (going back as far as Word 97 and Wordperfect 5.x, and still true as recently as my use of the Office 2010 trial).

 

[Basara]

I don't like to complain too much about technical errors in the fiction ... unless a job opens for a fiction writer, and then I'd take it (with heavy communication with Galen and Martyna, lol). But what ever happened to proofreading? You don't need a program to check grammar for you, you just need to read what you wrote a second time once the text is done to avoid writing "her her" and stuff like that.

As long as the fiction describes what will happen next, I'm happy. Come on, live content arc!

Put the "the the" split at a line break, and it might go unnoticed for 100s of reads.

Similarly, compressible fonts (everything these days except Courier New) sometimes make it hard to notice something like the missing "i" in "Minister"/"Minster". Not only does the reader's mind adjust to context, it's just not all that obvious -especially when reading copy that's only digital (IMO, proofreaders are much better off using dead tree copies of drafts; I find errors more quickly when not sitting at a screen). I still find new a typo or two in things I typed 15 years ago, that I corrected each typo in it as I found them in each read over.

 

[G.v.P]

Put the "the the" split at a line break, and it might go unnoticed for 100s of reads.

Similarly, compressible fonts (everything these days except Courier New) sometimes make it hard to notice something like the missing "i" in "Minister"/"Minster". Not only does the reader's mind adjust to context, it's just not all that obvious -especially when reading copy that's only digital (IMO, proofreaders are much better off using dead tree copies of drafts; I find errors more quickly when not sitting at a screen). I still find new a typo or two in things I typed 15 years ago, that I corrected each typo in it as I found them in each read over.

Well, and not to say I don't find errors in my own stuff as well (the quoted post included, haha), but if you proofread by speaking aloud you should be able to catch some things. It is hard to proofread your own work, though.

 

[BlissMarie]

... if you proofread by speaking aloud you should be able to catch some things. It is hard to proofread your own work, though.

Hearing what you have written does help a lot. I use a program that reads to me, before submitting essays for school. It really helps me find the the errors that I overlook when proofreading.

Just thinking about tiny Sherry the mouse curled up in the flowers crying herself to sleep... ugh


BlissMarie

 

[Nexus]

I see where this is going...

 

[G.v.P]

Bowing down to Sherry is going to be hard, hehe.

 

[BlissMarie]

I see where this is going...

hahaha - oh my goodness, I love it!

 

[Nexus]

Bowing down to Sherry is going to be hard, hehe.

That's ok her first act will probably be to make showing disrespect to the monarchy carry a fine of a wheel of cheese....

 

[G.v.P]

That's ok her first act will probably be to make showing disrespect to the monarchy carry a fine of a wheel of cheese....

Hehe. Well what I mean is to bow to royalty, you put yourself physically lower...but with Sherry, well, unless she is standing on top of something...

 

[Martyna Zmuir]

I see where this is going...

That. Is. Freaking. Adorable.

Queen Sherry does have a nice ring to it.... Hmmm... And if she has a husband, we could get a new Royal Line too... A very, very large Royal Line after a few years...

*runs off to buy a cheese factory*

 

[Nexus]

The Idea of Sherry the Mouse reminds me of another fitting quote from Mark Twain.......

I urged that kings were dangerous. He said, then have cats. He was sure that a royal family of cats would answer every purpose. They would be as useful as any other royal family, they would know as much, they would have the same virtues and the same treacheries, the same disposition to get up shindies with other royal cats, they would be laughably vain and absurd and never know it, they would be wholly inexpensive; finally, they would have as sound a divine right as any other royal house, and "Tom VII., or Tom XI., or Tom XIV. by the grace of God King," would sound as well as it would when applied to the ordinary royal tomcat with tights on. "And as a rule," said he, in his neat modern English, "the character of these cats would be considerably above the character of the average king, and this would be an immense moral advantage to the nation, for the reason that a nation always models its morals after its monarch's. The worship of royalty being founded in unreason, these graceful and harmless cats would easily become as sacred as any other royalties, and indeed more so, because it would presently be noticed that they hanged nobody, beheaded nobody, imprisoned nobody, inflicted no cruelties or injustices of any sort, and so must be worthy of a deeper love and reverence than the customary human king, and would certainly get it.

~From "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court"

Though I'm still trying to figure Sherry out, the average lifespan of a mouse well it varies, but 13 years is well beyond normal. 1-3 is much more the norm...

 

[Martyna Zmuir]

Sherry is an odd character. She was representative of Garriott's girlfriend from a certain time period. It’s explained in one of the old strategy guide compilations for the main Ultima games.

In one of the games, Ultima VI I think, it is revealed that she used to be human, thus her ability to talk and her longevity (thus she must also have been from Earth).

Also, due to the 12:1 compression ratio between Britannian and Earth time, Sherry is actually at least 437 years old. Evidence: She was alive at the time of The Shattering, which occurred in the 24th year of Lord British's reign. UO was released 24 years before the 300th anniversary of Mondain's defeat (the year 324 (Sept. 1999)) - thus the year 300 (For every single earth year, 12 Britannian years pass.)

Going from the start of UO in the year 300, we are currently in the Fall of the year 461.

About 8 years ago, one of the Devs carelessly threw the Britannian time and calendar out the window. This is why the time page here on Stratics is so hopelessly wrong. It lists silly things like 73 days per month, and that the release of UO was in 289 (even though it was the year 300 per UO lore). This version of UO time is largely ignored now in favor of the original direct 12:1 ratio.

 

[Aurelius]

Though I'm still trying to figure Sherry out, the average lifespan of a mouse well it varies, but 13 years is well beyond normal. 1-3 is much more the norm...

Hang on - your main confusion about a talking mouse is how old she is? I'd want an answer to 'why the hell is it so intelligent and able to speak human languages with a rodent mouth' before age got anywhere on the list of questions....

 

[Nexus]

Hang on - your main confusion about a talking mouse is how old she is? I'd want an answer to 'why the hell is it so intelligent and able to speak human languages with a rodent mouth' before age got anywhere on the list of questions....

Hey you can toilet train a rat, but that still doesn't let them live past about 5 years...


[YOUTUBE]ieAmdixoJ4w[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Aurelius]

Hey you can toilet train a rat, but that still doesn't let them live past about 5 years...

Doesn't make them speak, either Sherry's not a 'mouse', she (it?) is something else entirely....

 

[Hildebrand]

I liked that the story had the Meer present. It's about time they get involved. I'm disappointed that there was no Tokuno Queen or rep there. Perhaps we will get a grand funeral?

If they do bring out the Guardian eventually, then this will be awesome. We finally get a permanent baddie that should last us another 10 years. I'm getting tired and confused with the seemingly random evil actors. There hasn't been enough story to grip me. Everything seems so choppy and abrupt. The EM's do try, but lots of the EM events happen at weird times and are confusing to me.

I am grateful for those that sum up the events and help pull the stories together. Without those, I'd be even more lost.

 

[Tinsil]

Doesn't make them speak, either Sherry's not a 'mouse', she (it?) is something else entirely....

She's a witch!!