UO DIVING – WEEK 2 DIVE-NIGHT STAT CARDS

[Zelda of Zed]

UO DIVING – WEEK 2 DIVE-NIGHT STAT CARDS
You still have time to dive in the pool, join us Tuesday night 8 pm est (bosses permitting)

Daria “The Silent Ninja”

• Points: 20
• Strength: Moves so quietly, the water doesn’t even know she’s coming.
• Weakness: Rumored to short-circuit if asked to make small talk.
• Signature Dive: “The Shadow Drop” – enters the water without a ripple, leaves competitors questioning their life choices.

James “Calm Before the Splash”

• Points: 15
• Strength: Utterly unshakable. Could be mid-dive or mid-nap—no one can tell.
• Weakness: Mirrors.
• Signature Dive: “Zen Cannonball” – creates a perfect, centered splash that somehow feels… relaxing?

Hong Kong “The Classy Chaos”

• Points: 13
• Strength: Can make a belly flop look like Olympic art.
• Weakness: Always one eyebrow raise away from starting drama.
• Signature Dive: “Champagne Tsunami” – loud, bubbly, and guaranteed to soak the front row.

Grob “The Survivor”

• Points: 9
• Strength: Sheer stubbornness keeps him in the game.
• Weakness: Gravity.
• Signature Dive: “The Accidental Victory” – looks like a mistake until you see the scoreboard.

8-Ball “The Aquatic Oracle”

• Points: 8
• Strength: Knows exactly how every dive will end—before it starts.
• Weakness: Occasionally gets stuck floating upside down.
• Signature Dive: “Future Splash” – a dive so eerily accurate it feels pre-scripted.

Marishka “The Velvet Hammer”

• Points: 8
• Strength: Elegant on approach, devastating on impact.
• Weakness: Tends to “accidentally” elbow rivals on the ladder.
• Signature Dive: “The Swan Slap” – graceful entry, explosive finish.

Rosemary “The Cone Queen”

• Points: 6
• Strength: Unmatched in improvised poolside weaponry.
• Weakness: Distracted by snack bar smells mid-event.
• Signature Dive: “Conical Catastrophe” – somehow involves traffic cones and audience participation.

Joseph “One Point Wonder”

• Points: 1
• Strength: Didn’t drown last week—progress!
• Weakness: Forgets to actually jump sometimes.
• Signature Dive: “The Hesitation Station” – a long, awkward pause… followed by a polite splash.

Scarlett “The Ballet Bomb”

• Points: -4
• Strength: Can turn any dive into interpretive art.
• Weakness: Art doesn’t score well here.
• Signature Dive: “Pirouette Plummet” – spins beautifully, lands disastrously.

Lil Mic “The Shallow End Specialist”

• Points: -4
• Strength: Thrives in knee-deep water.
• Weakness: Everything else.
• Signature Dive: “The Paddle of Regret” – more flailing than finesse.