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The following were answers provided by 6th graders
during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of
the best humor is in the misspelling.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all
wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
The climate of the Sarah is such that all the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he
ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also
had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around
giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen
she was a success. When she exposed herself before
her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a
100-foot clipper.
12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly
on his birthday. He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by
Juliet.
13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author
was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his
wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died
in 1790 and is still dead.
15. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Bach was the! most famous composer in the world and so
was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and
half English. He was very large.
17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He
was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by
hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick ****r,
which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur
discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman
Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of
the Marx Brothers.
COMMENT: And they all got promoted to the seventh
grade. Which should cause concern in all of us.
during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of
the best humor is in the misspelling.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all
wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
The climate of the Sarah is such that all the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he
ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also
had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around
giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen
she was a success. When she exposed herself before
her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a
100-foot clipper.
12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly
on his birthday. He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by
Juliet.
13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author
was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his
wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died
in 1790 and is still dead.
15. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Bach was the! most famous composer in the world and so
was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and
half English. He was very large.
17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He
was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by
hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick ****r,
which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur
discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman
Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of
the Marx Brothers.
COMMENT: And they all got promoted to the seventh
grade. Which should cause concern in all of us.
