Just like the old days! (Contest inside!)

[imported_Hecubus]

Hail statue faithful!



...umm, anyone remember when my posts used to begin that way?


*crickets*


.....


.....

Okay, maybe not. Oh wait, there's a couple of people who remember!

Anywho...Yours truly will be out of town starting tomorrow, and I won't be back until Sunday afternoon.

I know what you're thinking:

"Gee Hec, how will we ever be able to survive?"[/sarcasm]

"Great. I'm glad he's gone. I'm so sick of Jack's waffles."

Or

"All that guy ever talks about is pantless gnomes and how kewl the older UO crowd wuz."

Well folks- HERE's YOUR CHANCE to be me! That's right! Let's find a REPLACEMENT HECUBUS for the week. Here's what you do:

Reply to this thread- doing your BEST Hecubus impression!

- It can be a reply to this particular topic.

- It can be one of my weird RP posts that only 3 people understand.

- It can be a Hecitorial.

That's right- make fun (within RoC of course) of ME with your best impression, and you could win an Obsydian Statue!

Contest rules:

- Multiple entries allowed
- Please follow the Stratics RoC
- Contest ends Sunday, November 21 at 5pm PST

Good luck folks! And have fun!

I am Jack's flight itinerary.

- Hec

 

[imported_Alter_Ego]

Sits at table and contemplates how to mimic Jack.

In a sudden flash of glowing lights and hypothetical self induced highs my pen starts to write.

The best way to imitate Hecubus is not to think of Hecubus, very much like not to think of pink elephants roaming in the city checking your mail box for Ed McMann prize give aways. This in fact would be easy to do if you initial goal was not to imitate Hecubus. So the best imitation would be on that one doesn’t try. Yet that leaves one with some consternation as not trying is in fact trying which in turns leads us up that pick elephant and mailbox syndrome. Staying on the topic would definitely be a bad example…Wait, as I answer the phone and talk to my neighbor. Did you know that by adding tiny morsels of chocolate to a cookie would make it a chocolate chip cookie…wonders if there are any copyright infringements? Now where was I, yes I was commenting on the precarious balance on the lack of eaiting in UO. All in all Eating Chocolate Chip cookies in UO needs more balance.


I am Jack's imposter.

Thank you, Drive thru

 

[divinus]

My impression with an obvious tint of irony and exageration as the below would obviously never come from the fair Hec. And since I've only really seen like 6 of his posts in my week of being here, bear with me if this is completely off base. But I enjoy his posts so I figured I'd take a shot at it. With that disclaimer in mind...
_______________________________

So I was talking with some fellow Sonomians about the good ole days of our fair server, you know, back when the streets were paved with gold and manna fell from the sky. (Biblical manna not magery mana mind you). And during this discussion I posited that I "kick some major ass."

Now I know what you are thinking, "You Hecubus? Kick ass? You kick less ass than some sort of other non-ass kicking thing." But please hear me out before you judge me a double-l square.

I could simply start a poll and invoke the support of this fair community to prove my belovedness and thus ass kickedness, but I'd rather go about it another way. To prove my assertion let's try an exercise. (After all, without exercises are we no better than animals?)

First consider the amount of time you've spent playing Ultima Online. And not just logging on, I mean really playing. Do you have that number? Good. Now consider our community. Take the average number of words per post per year and multiply it by that year. Then on a scale from one to ten, take the number of how much waffles rule your world. (For me its an obvious ten). Now take all those numbers, add them up, and divide by the amount of wins the Philadelphia Eagles has this season. And with that answer, there you have it. I kick ass.

I am Jack's poorly done Hecubus impression.

- Div
"Hecubus for President!"

 

[imported_Hecubus]

*spits diet coke at screen*

Wow. These posts hurt my brain. I could feel a definite shift from less pink matter to more grey matter.

It can only mean one thing.

These posts WREAK of authenticity! Great stuff! Keep up the good work!

Freakin HI-Larious folks./php-bin/shared/images/icons/smile.gif

I am Jack's spying on a thread about Jacks' pretend Jack when I'm not even the real Jack.

- Hec

 

[hiai]

It is time, once again, to dredge up the fossils of ancient UO past, and contemplate the meanings behind some of the odd customs that have grown from the simple beginnings in time immemorial into the hardened, antiquely unbudgeable habits of the UO veterans, as they expound upon the necessities to the disadvantaged and culturally-deprived 1337 d00ds of the present era.

To whit, I am reminded of many an observed exchange between so-called "old" players and "new" players, that goes something like this:

veteran rper:"Hail, fellow adventurer! Whither away, this fine morn?"
new guy: "Uh...u say sumthin, freak?"
veteran rper:"Verily, I did! In sooth, I did wish to exchange fair pleasantries in hopes that I may make further aquaintance with one so capable as thee, for I do find myself in something of a quandary."
new guy: "huh?"
veteran rper:"I see I must make myself more clear. I wish to prevail upon thee, my chance-met new friend, to obtain a fresh mount for thy poor servant, for I have found myself o'erpowered by the fierce creatures in yon thicket, and find myself too slow to readily escape, e'er I am o'ertaken by such beasties and devoured. 'Tis only mounted that I dare make an attempt to retrieve my belongings and an escape. Canst thou find pity in thy heart for your wretched servant?"
new guy: " So ur sayin u got no mount n want me 2 get 1 4 u?"
veteran rper:"Certes! Thou hast winnowed the meaning of my poor speech, and found the kernel!"
new guy: " STFU N00b!" (rides away)

At this point, you are asking yourself "Hec, why do you bring this up? Why don't you just link us to b0n3d00d and plat3dewd and be done with it?"

Well, in answer to that, let me pose a hypothetical question: Have you ever had a truly perfect, golden-brown, crispy, flaky, fluffy waffle, steaming hot, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream melting on the top, and covered with fresh fruit?

I didn't think so. Because if you had, you wouldn't ever doubt my sincerity and intense passion for UO AND for waffles, and therefore could easily deduce what the point of this post is. For shame, that you should ever question my veracity for even a minuscule and unmeasurable amount of time.

Nevertheless, for all of you Doubting Thomas' out there (whom I suspect of being the selfsame Peeping Tom, as well, but that's for a different post) I will admit to one slight mistake on my part, that being the integral role that another breakfast food plays in any serious UO discussion.

*sigh* Yes, it has been my misfortune to listen to the harangues of the multitudes for my serious omission, and in answer I can only offer my deepest apologies for the oversight.

Hence, to quiet the clamor of both my critics, and my own conscience, I hereby pay tribute to the intensely satisfying and fulfilling properties that a side of crispy, evenly browned, nicely salted, non-greasy but tender and not dry hashbrowns contributes to a breakfast. That's right, my orgasmic passion for waffles notwithstanding, let it not be said that hashbrowns are lower in my esteem one whit, despite my obsession. Hashbrowns are the wind beneath the wings of any waffle breakfast, really, and will elevate a merely delicious and satisfying waffle meal into the truly sublime sphere of the transcendent.

There, are you satisfied? I have admitted my other, secret love. And now you cannot possibly doubt my word as to the relationships between veteran players and newer players. Well, I suppose you could, but if you must then it is as one of the ignorant and unwashed masses that feel they simply MUST denigrate others, no matter the obvious genious of same.

In short, remember this is all only one humble man's opinion, but that's okay, because it's really the only one that matters. Feel free to worship me at your leisure.

I am Hec's only slightly mocking Tribute Post.

-Jack

 

[Good_Ole_Lefty]

Hail statue faithful!



...umm, anyone remember when my posts used to begin that way?


*crickets*


.....


.....

Okay, maybe not. Oh wait, there's a couple of people who remember!

Anywho...Yours truly will be out of town starting tomorrow, and I won't be back until Sunday afternoon.

I know what you're thinking:

"Gee Hec, how will we ever be able to survive?"[/sarcasm]

"Great. I'm glad he's gone. I'm so sick of Jack's waffles."

Or

"All that guy ever talks about is pantless gnomes and how kewl the older UO crowd wuz."

Well folks- HERE's YOUR CHANCE to be me! That's right! Let's find a REPLACEMENT HECUBUS for the week. Here's what you do:

Reply to this thread- doing your BEST Hecubus impression!

- It can be a reply to this particular topic.

- It can be one of my weird RP posts that only 3 people understand.

- It can be a Hecitorial.

That's right- make fun (within RoC of course) of ME with your best impression, and you could win an Obsydian Statue!

Contest rules:

- Multiple entries allowed
- Please follow the Stratics RoC
- Contest ends Sunday, November 21 at 5pm PST

Good luck folks! And have fun!

PS - I ride a high horse and am very, very modest :]

I am Jack's flight itinerary.




- Hec


How did I do?

>:}

 

[divinus]

Hehe. I was _totally_ going to do that at first.

 

[Kolian]

Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah BLAH blah! Blah blah? Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah. Blah blah? Blah. Blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah BLAH blah! Blah blah? Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah. Blah blah? Blah. Blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah BLAH blah! Blah blah? Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah. Blah blah? Blah. Blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah BLAH blah! Blah blah? Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah. Blah blah? Blah. Blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah BLAH blah! Blah blah? Blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah. Blah blah? Blah. Blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah.

I am bored. Waffles 'n stuff.

=D

 

[hiai]

Now, Kol! Surely you can do much much better than that! For someone who seems to pride himself on irony and sarcasm and bleak mocking, you sure are slacking off here. I'd expect at least a brilliantly scathing sendup, if not a sincere effort.

If the contest were to be impersonating Kolian, now....what a contest that would be! If only! *pictures the 6 page post hovering at the top of the forum for week after week* Then again, maybe not. LOL

 

[Kolian]

But I'm SOOOO lazy! =(

 

[imported_Hecubus]

Sorry for taking so long folks...I had to find this thread a few pages back.

Well...competition was tough. There were some pretty good jabs in there, and some authentic "Hecubisms" in every entry...

But after all is said and done- I have to declare DIVINUS the winner! Congratualtions Divinus! PM me for your Obsydian statue!

And thanks to everyone for playing!

I am Jack's Old School contest.

- Hec

 

[Dor of Sonoma]

*claps*

Huzzah for Divinus!

(I am glad that I didn't have to judge this...too many great posts to choose between

 

[imported_Alter_Ego]

I would have loved to have judged this one...

Divinus won by a long shot.

Great job Divinus.

 

[hiai]

A long shot? Dang... *feels dissed*

Coulda at least said it was a close race or something, there. /php-bin/shared/images/icons/frown.gif

hehehe. =P