The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will become the official language of the European Union rather than German or French, which were the other possibilities. But since only the Germans wanted German and only the French wanted French, all the other Member States voted for English.
But as part of the negotiations, the British Government had to concede that English spelling did have some room for improvement and thus agreed to accept a 5-year, phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"... Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will then be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f"... This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, they expekt that al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should also go away.
Then by the 4th yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Zen ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted to do in ze forst plas!
(Wel if zis mad you smil, ples pas on to oza pepl.)
But as part of the negotiations, the British Government had to concede that English spelling did have some room for improvement and thus agreed to accept a 5-year, phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"... Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will then be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f"... This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, they expekt that al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should also go away.
Then by the 4th yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Zen ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted to do in ze forst plas!
(Wel if zis mad you smil, ples pas on to oza pepl.)
