Droma Ryn!! How profound a 'cry for help' in a simple short message can be!! Wish answers could be as brief! ..
Please read this Droma Ryn, even if it is too lengthy and philosophical.
I seriously wish this will help you -- and others. It might take your mind off the stress for a moment and give you (and everyone else) a laugh! At least, it is a response from an imperfect being, along with everyone else's, letting you know that you aren't being ignored..that someone cares! *hug*
Unfortunately, no one, not even relatives & friends, can step into your shoes and see 'ALL" there is to see, thus can only guess and make suggestions about things in which they have no deep inside knowledge. Professional help is the answer, IF you can afford it. A professional Psychiatrist can prescribe medication to control mood swings, while the other, a Psychologist, can analyse and unearth underlaying factors in a problem. Some medications have side-effects you don't want to live with either .. so you need to educate & protect yourself. The cost of seeing those professions can be astronomical if you're not covered by a medical plan that allows your Physician to refer you to these experts for treatment.
The best HELP comes from YOU educating yourself and you NEED to care enough about yourself to do this. Talk to your physician about treatment for mood swings. He can prescribe medications that help but since he won't know all there is to know either, learn about those medications from Organizations dealing with Mood Swings. Find 'HELP Organizations' in real life and search the internet for MARITAL PROBLEMS & for MOOD SWING connections: international FORUMS in Health/Hospital/University/private where you can talk candidly & freely with both Professionals & EXPERIENCED PEOPLE who will educate & support you!! You can afford that. You already have a computer and know how to use it!! ...and the world is full of caring people ready to share their knowlege to help you.
I am impressed that you are thinking of seeking professional help and that you recognized the 'mood swings'. They could be playing a major part in the problems you are having. I don't know. Could be your wife has her own set of problems and deals with them by seeking the wrong type of help. She may need help too. It may not be a problem of her not loving you that leaves you feeling so insecure about her love. It could be she can't deal with your problem or is too busy with the children. *Guessing* If you do have a problem with mood swings, it would certainly help your wife if she understood them and could support you. (Oh what tangled webs we mortals .....)
Coming and posting here took bravery & was a great idea!! Jeepers, at 29 I didn't know spit compared to you!! You must be extremely intelligent to be so aware! Try a web serach for MOOD SWINGS and talk to more people, especially those undergoing the mood swings and caretakers dealing with husbands & wives & children suffering this ailment. Such a "hidden" misunderstood problem can go unexplained for a lifetime, wrecking the lives of yours and others around you.
I hope something I say in this long mess will help you. I love the people here who were so concerned they answered your message intelligently, for they all show that they want to support you and "care"!!! We are all learning and care. You are learning. Is your wife learning? Life is a learning experience.
Most marital problems are caused by financial difficulties! No one first looks for a hidden imperfection, inherited or otherwise, in themselves. Usually problems erupt when there is a lack of understanding of one's self, lack of partner's understanding of your problems and lack of her/his own self-understanding, along with poor communications between partners due to those misunderstandings.
Life is so full of strife. Understanding yourself is the first step. Understanding your wife and getting her to understand herself & you, is perhaps the next step. No matter what, understanding life & staying in focus, is important!! Communicating with people & learning, gets you back into focus. We are all in the same 'life' boat.
Heck we are all born without full knowlege of life! Without knowing everything, how can can anyone understand & solve problems? The more I learn, the less I know, but at least I have come to understand that:
'All of us will always have our own imperfections. All of us will always know very little despite how much we learn. One life time won't be long enough to learn and know all. We try do our best and if circumstances allow, we can seek help from those with more experience, from Books of knowlege/History and seek continuing education along with life experiences, all of which are so valuable to living mankind. In leiu of this or along with it, we seek entertainment to distract ourselves from pain and stress.
My son helped me buy a computer, and started me in this game when I was ordered to sit quietly and not lift anything nor bend over, after eye surgery. Being an active person that was impossible. A retina scare put me in focus. During the six months of inactivity sitting in a chair in front of a poor lagging computer with poor connections, I became a good hostess and was hired to run my own forum called "Wordy's World" where 'Laughter is the best medicine" in Sympatico's Canada Health forums, where everyone in my web site was experienced & helping others dealing with crisis. Caretakers, Depressions & Mood Swings were dominate! (you can see why I got the name "wordy bird" from this response.) I also became a depressed victim of Pk in UO until I got a better computer & adsl connections in 2001! (eek..out of the frying pan into the fire. Oh woe is the fate of poor mankind stumbling into pitfalls of life!)
I eventually dropped my role of Hostess as I became more & more addicted to UO where I was finding so many people, including myself, using UO as an escape from real life and their "pain" for a short time -- only to discover they'd become addicted to uo which added an new problem to their problems, which was not any help in finding answers to deal with RL problems. I am still in UO 'laughs' because I think UO helps keep my sanity and has done so over the years during extreme stressful times. Now I am not so sure about that! I agree reading of books can have a benificial effect & that UO's routinely of repeat things like skill gains or making products in macro-attendence while watching tv keeps you occupied while thinking things out, (as so appropriately put in another message appearing above in this forum). Yet I know that UO can also become a depressing addiction. UO was never just a game. It is full of People with problems. Behind every character is a real person with problems and I respect that person. I just wish UO management would realize this and take steps to improve the idealism in this game..and not hand out numerous rewards that encourage looters, pk & weirdos.
My poor husband not only had to deal with his mood swings, but he had to cope with a wife who backed away & didn't understand him. He starts off in the morning feeling wonderfully happy and deteriorates into confusion by nightfall. I have had to endure those mood swings for years, alone and in the dark, and was kept too busy raising our three children to have time to worry about his problems. I had my Art & music to keep myself sane, and enough problems trying to understand asthmatic issues & alergies in the children, which took priority. I tended to ignor my husband's needs and regret this now. If I had understood more, I would have been able to help him and reassure him that I love him. I would venture that your wife could be having similar problems coping, not only with problems of her own, but is unable to understand your problems. This could be what makes her reach out elsewhere for comfort. You receive the vibes from her that cause you to feel insecure & worried. Perhaps when BOTH of you can recognize and understand problems, it will become a fight that BOTH of you get involved withl Perhaps she still loves you, but something has got 'out of hand'.
Consider that NONE of us are perfect and some of us are afflicted with hidden problems that can take a life time of learning to understand. If your partner has problems and can't understand yours, then there is chaos. Working together to understand each other and caring about each other, brings answers and rewards that are astronomical.
I wish you luck and know you are on the right track. I admire you for posting here and seeking help. There really are people who want to help and care!!!
*hug*
*by the way, it might have come way too late. but my husband & I are happily ok! Fortunately we were always both loyal to each other & took the vows "for better or worse" seriously. Professional help & understanding has made us a team again!! Our only problem now is my addiction to UO and my past experinencing being raised in a family where the father was an alcoholic. Thanks to my husband understanding my 'night owl syndrome', instead of me caretaking him, he is caretaking me, temporarily I hope. He is giving me well deserved 'time off: but now it is time for me to 'move on', to get some control over this latest problem!!! What a life this is !! (laugh) * I do so love UO but it is run by inexperienced children who care not what they do to mankind as long as it is lucrative for them. *Fortunately, there are enough people who care who eventually manage to FIX each occuring problem in time temporarily, as it rears its ugly head !*
Patience please: still editing my edits!
Jade of Sonoma, guild OWL (hopefully) = One Wise Lady
Supplying Special:
One Thousand Diamonds - Collectible Wedding Jewelry Sets
with blessed rings
at the tower of Ice Staffs
adding true meaning to a wedding gift for the bride.
Droma Ryn- you get one set free.
--still wondering where her felluca tower, The Flying Fortress, flew off to...
YIKES!! Past 2 am (correction: 3:27 am) here already & I planned to make those Colllectible Wedding Sets. Even Forums become addicting!!! ROFL
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Edited by Jade of Sonoma on 09/07/01 09:13 AM.</FONT></P>
