Dear Kanmare...

[Ahuaeyjnkxs]

I'm sorry for brigning this back up again... but it keeps bugging me in the back of my head. Something is terribly wrong about this going, unchecked, and uncommented...

I started planting the memorial garden today. I know it has been a long time since the service, but I have had so much trouble getting started on things.. I am tired, but not sick. I do not understand that dream. It comes back every night, always the same, sometimes from a different viewpoint. Is someone trying to tell me something? Warn me? Am I missing something important?

I have been near the crystal in the middle.

I have been each of the victims and felt the pain of their deaths upon my person as well as in my conscience. Pain is not new to me but death? That is something a person should feel but once.

I have been each of the black things although I dont know what to call them. The feeling of killing in cold blood chills me to the bone and repulses me from my own being.

The only role I have not been.. is the leader in that ceremony. Perhaps someone is still looking after me. I do not know whether my poor mind could take the torture of ordering those innocent deaths.That is something I will NEVER do! I could not order another's death. As Truth is my guide, I never have and never will. Life is so sacred.. how any could enjoy the killing - I will never understand. I always wake feeling dirty and as if I have been.. turned inside out and.. and.. violated! A bath is not enough. What do I do?

*wrings hands in despair*

By the Virtues, make it stop!

PLEASE make it stop.

I have seen torture in the past.. but nothing like this. Those memories pale in the face of this.

At least the flashbacks I had are not troubling me at the moment. Yet is the pain and the screaming and the horrid yellow eyes any different to the faces and the blood and the terror of that time? I have dealt with that old pain for so long. Does pain simply stack up until it tears you apart? Or does new pain replace the old and allow it to be buried for all time. I hope there is a good reason for this and that I will know it soon.Or it could be that there will be nothing left in here to know the Truth of the revelation that this holds.

Do you all think she was faking it to seem more interesting or something ? Or do you honor what she did for Atlantic ? Please give me opinions...

 

[Taylor]

With the untimely departure of EMs Vytacca and Kanmare, I do not think that this story line will ever fully play out. EMs Nestor and Eris have chosen to go in a new direction and they're doing a terrific job.

 

[Ahuaeyjnkxs]

Thing is... this is not part of her storyline, this is a personal comment by Kanmare.

She told me personally the dreams stopped as soon as she left Atlantic ?

 

[Ahuaeyjnkxs]

I know now that Bismark has been away long enough to be dead, noone cares, noone knows what he stands for like in the good old days.

He was a brillant man, a cop that dedicated his life to helping people who have been abused in their life, taking them unto a sane road of self recovery.

I'll tell you what, this man was so full of care that he removed all blackrock from his home, just because he knew that it makes me feel ; I mean my character feels, beg your pardon atlantic.

Maybe he did not realise but I watched him carefully and I can say he never did a think without a purpose, nothing was left to chance.

Well I went back to his house in UO just a few moments ago... and I found something very intriguing. As if he knew he was going away, he left some very interesting clues to me... his house is public all his friends should pay him hommage.

Up there there is a sash of Kanmare, with a feminine travesty on the same tile. And a sash of Vytacca, with a man travesty on that tile. There is also a sash of the royal britannian guard, who's been more or less dismantled (due to the killing of the royal counsil (as per the official storyline))...

Then a freakin huge piece of blackrock... and a purplish blue horse. That was not there the last time I saw him. There is also that green stool... no not that kind of stool the other kind. Which you can sit on of course ! Crafted by lord Child of Doom...

I have lots of stories about green stools... If you find many in your life... you get lucky. But thats for another time.

There was his club too, Lord Bismark's "black jack". I loved him, he will never die.

 

[Ahuaeyjnkxs]

Most interesting of all however, was the book I found on the upper floor, which tells the story of a very peculiar woman whose identity might never be known, that was there everyday, and seemingly manipulating people with a strange kind of wit.

Vladimir would swear she was a agent orange, it makes sense, in a sane way.

She did not behave incoherently to me at all, so thats still up for debate, but that chat in that book, is brigning up lots of questions pertaining to the connection the internet gives us. It might be a bit more complex than we first expected, to "log in"...

But thats again for another time.

There is also coincidentally a new house next to it which was my friend Katie's I assume she is reading this board so I take no shyness with me in telling that I spent over an hour placing plants in her house to make her a nice garden, she trampled on them all and erected phallic shaped totems and there is also FoA cloth and Sherry the mouse in the third floor.

Whatever just happened here ? Katie is who seduced Morgana, remember the story of Moonlight Myst ?

Should it make you feel uncomfortable ? I don't think so...

Ironically she has joined the blacktower guild... no offense Katie. Karma is bound to repeat so it is, and while we're here ! Internet Karma ?

Ok this is far out I admit... I'm staying calm and serene, please do not provoke me.

This is a call from the heart !

Namase !