An open letter to the Ministry of Taxation

[Guest]

To: Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
cc: Agent Nadal T'sarran
Care of: The Ministry of Taxation
. Britain
. Felucca

From: Otto the Blind
. Snow Blind
. West Wintermoor 3
. Malas

Tax status: Handicapped

Re: Allotment of funds

Dear agents of the Ministry of Taxation,

This letter serves as an official enquiry into the annual budget as established by the Ministry of Finance, and to notify you that we are ready to receive the allocated funds.

As you well know, special attention is being given this financial year to the needs of the disabled.
I have submitted several projects and proposals to the Ministry, all of which would be of great benefit to those subjects who are less physically or mentally able then the majority - in other words, the handicapped.
To this end, I have been advised to specifically approach both of you, with regard to the allocation of funds to those projects.

As I, myself, suffer a handicap, namely my lack of sight, I have been considered most qualified, and thereby appointed to oversee these projects to completion. Details of these projects are attached for your information.

I stress that these have already been approved, and placed on public display at Lord British's castle for the past three months, as is the normal protocol.
Therefore, if you require any alterations to the projects, you will have to raise a change request via the Royal Sorceress. I should caution you that I overheard her complaining about her lack of new clothing after paying her tax bill, and mention was made of newts, and marriage to a lava lizard, for those who distressed her.

Please advise of the full amount you have set aside for the disability fund, and let me know a date, time and a place where we can meet to arrange the transfer of funds to these worthwile projects.

I trust that I, and the less fortunate people of this land, can rely on your support and co-operation in this regard.

Should you be unable to meet these financial requirements for any reason, I am assured you will be called upon to account to the people in full for all incoming and outgoing monies, and any irregularities, and will find your wages garnished until such time as the projects are paid for in full, as per Royal Decree UR_S0_ST_P1D.

Yours sincerely,

Blind Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents




-------------------------------
PROJECT NUMBER: DIS_TaX_2B_C0N-D
ESTIMATED COST: 20,000 gold pieces
SOURCE OF FUNDING: Ministry of Taxation
ADMINISTRATOR: Blind Otto
APPROVED BY: Dupre

Summary:

There are several blind or short-sighted members of society amongst us. Examples include Blind Hugh, Blind Otto, and the Paladin who stands guard over the cave east of Luna, although there are many more.
Their sighlessness causes many unfortunate accidents, such as collisions with walls, accidental stabbing of passers by, and so forth. To this end, it has been proposed that we run a pilot project which will entail adding protective padding to every surface in our test subject town, namely Buccaneer's Den. As it is a small town, we will not require a large amount of padding, but we will still need to buy leather and wool to make it.


-------------------------------
PROJECT NUMBER: DIS_TaX_IZ_DUP-D
ESTIMATED COST: 500,000 gold pieces
SOURCE OF FUNDING: Ministry of Taxation
ADMINISTRATOR: Blind Otto
APPROVED BY: Dupre

Summary:

Many of our noble warriors and citizens lose their lives daily, and are reduced to shades of grey as they seek a shrine or a healer. However, for the disabled, this can be a frightening experience. While reduced to a ghost-like state, to some extent, the blind can see, the deaf can hear, and the lame can walk - or at least, float. While those who practice the necromancy skill of spirit speak may hope to understand them in this state, the deceased are at a far greater disadvantage. Suddenly having the use of limbs, or hearing sounds when there was only silence before can be extremely disorienting.
In order to help these poor souls, it has been proposed that a series of academies be opened at locations throughout the land. Here, skilled necromancers will guide and console the departed, and instruct them in the use of these newfound, if temporary, abilities, and guide our loved ones back towards the living.
A pilot project will be run near the dungeon of Doom, where the first academy will be built.


-------------------------------
PROJECT NUMBER: DIS_TaX_R_ST_P-1D
ESTIMATED COST: 5,000,000 gold pieces
SOURCE OF FUNDING: Ministry of Taxation
ADMINISTRATOR: Blind Otto
APPROVED BY: Dupre

Summary:


Since the discovery of the new lands, many changes have been made to the buildings of our land. New types of walls have been built, new types of doors have been installed, and new patterns and tiles appear on floors. However, every house surveyed in our study (see official expense form, attached) had one thing in common. All had steps of one type or another.
Obviously, those members of society who are unable to walk, due to impaired, or missing, limbs, can not enter these dwellings.

To this end, it is proposed that every building in the land be given an alternate form of access.
By royal decree, each building must now have at least one of the following:
A stepless ramp, which a device with wheels can be pushed up.
A valet on 24 hour duty, to open a magical gate from within the building, to a spot just without, thereby bypassing the steps.
All items in the house arranged around the outer edge of the building, with adequate holes in the walls, to allow everything within to be accessed from without.

Naturally, this will require modifications to be made to most buildings in the land.

-------------------------------
EXPENSE CLAIM FORM URATRaMMIE
PROJECT NUMBER: DIS_TaX_R_ST_P-1D
DESCRIPTION OF EXPENSE: Survey of housing
SOURCE OF FUNDING: Ministry of Taxation
AMOUNT CLAIMED: 40,000 gold pieces
CLAIMANT: Blind Otto
APPROVED BY: Dupre


-------------------------------
PROJECT NUMBER: DIS_TaX_SM_LZ_BaD
ESTIMATED COST: 5,000 gold pieces
SOURCE OF FUNDING: Ministry of Taxation
SUB-BUDGET: Personal Grooming
ADMINISTRATOR: Blind Otto
APPROVED BY: Dupre

Summary:

It has been drawn to the attention of the board that there are large numbers of orcs living in the land. These creatures struggle to speak clearly, and have yet to demonstrate reasonable reading or writing skills. It is proposed that a survey of their education level be undertaken, to establish whether they qualify as disabled, by the definitions laid down in Royal Decree LBR_8008_FaC3.
As it has also come to the attention of the board that initiates Cleo and Skarwyn have been spending far more than their Ministry salaries on hair restyling, clothing, and having their navels equipped with strange jewelery. As this indicates that their personal grooming budget is obviously far too high, the funding for this will come from that budget.

-------------------------------

 

[Bey'lik]

*scratches head*

I think yeh want the Ministry o' the Treasury. Perhaps yer laborin' under the impression that the Ministry of Taxation keeps taxes collected and can actually disperse 'em. O'course that's wrong, but a common mistake.

Now, like as not, if those measures are enacted, the order will come for TAX to step up collections, and likely to raise the rate of taxes collected on all brackets to keep up with the new expenses. When that time comes, since this was all yer idea, I suppose we can count on the support o' the Knights to help us collect? Yeh can jus' loan us two or three o' yer blokes a night to help out, that should cover it.

Now, if yeh expect the Tax agents to do a bunch o' extra collectin' fer the already low pittance we work for...well, I can't speak for the boss, but I'd guess that'll be a long time in comin'.

 

[Nalfein T'sarren]

To Otto
Follower in the cult of Py


Of course we are sympathetic to the needs of the less fortunate in society.
As the times are now, with so many evaders so few agents,
we are left eternally behind to meet our quota.
All our funds go straight to the minister of finances and subsequently leaves us struggling to even uphold our own existence.
If people , even fair folks considered noble by many, such as the cult you belong to, refuse to pay what they rightfully owe, the times are dire.

The needy, physically handicapped , bad social cases and VJ are one of many reasons such young, proud and might I add, good looking, young men and women decide to serve the king as agents.

All aspire to serve to the best of their ability, all bear in mind the less fortunate and all of us desire to help the needy.
Sadly we are left in a situation where can barely help ourselves.

Of course we are left with choices to get more shinies to the king.

1) We could be more severe in our audits.
That would leave us rather unpopular with the fine citizens of sosaria.
We don’t aspire to be even more unpopular than we already are for many good reasons.
As it is now, we often face mobs with torches , sometimes pitchforks too, heck, we’ve met people greeting us with dental tools, when we come to audit.
We would rather steer clear of the level of popularity where we face a large mob or even an army, as…. Well you know, we kind of want to live.

We could recruit more agents
As often seen in these cases , we could end up with a lot not qualified agents , which could lead to bad situations (see 1).
Lots of guilds, cults, merchants , jugglers , clown hegemonies for socialistic and capitalistic governing, etc. etc. have tried this approach and failed.
It should be clear to all that TAX stands for quality not quantity.


I promise that every piece of gold we acquire , that does not go to administration or upkeep of the British institution will go directly to the needy, as it always have.


Kind Regards Nadal T’sarren

 

[Asmodi_Mhul]

Roflmao! Best thread eva!

 

[imported_Varka]

I think Otto's in need of an audit...

Varka

 

[Guest]

Agents of TAX,

Your dodgy responses make me wonder if there has not been a major misappropriation of funds. However, before we launch into any lengthy (and assuredly revealing) inquiries, I would hear the Minister himself. By no means should my Initiate Otto the Blind, working in this regard as my direct respresentative, be thwarted, hoodwinked, misdirected, flimflammed or otherwise hornswoggled in his pursuit of funds for this most noble of causes, the needy and disabled, by even a pretty pair of pusillanimous poachers, such as your disesteemed selves.

Where is your Master Dagashi? Surely he would show some good sense, and a greater sense of propriety than Initiate Otto has been shown by these laquered lackeys of the Minister, thus far.

 

[Bey'lik]

One can only assume he's in the privy, giving this matter the attention it deserves.

 

[Guest]

To: Agent Nalfein T'sarren
cc: Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
Care of: The Ministry of Taxation
. Britain
. Felucca

From: Otto the Blind
. Snow Blind
. West Wintermoor 3
. Malas

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Allocation of funds

Dear Nalfein T'sarren,

thank you for your prompt reply, and for your courteousness, which far outshines that of your colleague.

I sympathise with your predicament. However, I am not in a position to be able to affect your staff allotments for the year, or the internal policies of your department, such as the pitchfork clause in your health benefits.

The good Dupre has already authorised these expenditures, and 'twas made perfectly clear by his good self and the Royal sorceress that, instead of wasting taxpayers money on administrative duties such as sending the money you collect to the Treasurer first, the money would be sent directly to the projects which I mentioned in my first letter. This, he felt, would serve to improve the Ministry of Taxation's public image, as it would show that you are willing to 'go the extra mile', so to speak, in order to help the citizens.

There have also been murmurings that your agents, particularly the two new hirelings mentioned in the third project, have been misappropriating funds. You and I both know how damaging rumours such as those can be to a governmental department - let us squash those rumours as quickly as possible, and overshadow them with efforts such as these, showing the public the 'friendly face of the Taxman', if you will.

You see, as I said, I do sympathise, and stand here with my hand stretched out to help you with your public relations. However, as also noted, Dupre has approved these expenditures, and I would like to see work being on those projects as soon as possible - preferably before the next harvest.

With regard to your colleague's request that the Knights help with the tax collection, the Knights would be only too glad to help you. However, as has been correctly stated, they are considered to be outside the law, and it is highly unlikely that they would be given official status. With this in mind, I propose an alternative: The Ministry will continue to collect the money, and the Knights will assist with the projects that I mentioned. Dupre had planned to enlist the Ministry's agents to do all the manual labour, but I am sure we can assist you in this regard.

I am concerned about one or two matters mentioned within your reply, however. Firstly, you group the handicapped together with the ogre's excrament known as VJ. While I know you meant no disrespect or harm, it is precisely statements of this type that the public will take out of context, and use to perpetuate the image of you, and your colleagues, as heartless, money loving, immoral slaves of British. Not that I would call you such, you understand, but, a blind man hears much.

Secondly, your mention of harsher taxes could be misconstrued as a thinly veiled threat. While I am sure that a gentleman of fine breeding such as yourself would never stoop to such levels, again, the public can be fickle, and are easily mislead. I would strongly suggest that you publish a retraction of that statement, or at least a clarification.

Now, as I have repeatedly said, I fully sympathise with your position and predicament, but the public are not so patient or understanding. Might I suggest that annual statements of income and expenditure for the Ministry be made public knowledge? The last five years statements should be enough to show these good people that the talk of wild parties and daily trips to the hair stylist are mere misinformation, spread about by your enemies.

Lastly, to a personal matter - my expense claim. As it has been authorised, and I was directed to your department, when might I expect to receive my 40,000 gold pieces? While on that matter, I am still awaiting a receipt from one of your trainees, for business conducted in Minoc recently. I also feel that it is inapropriate for representatives of your department to make reference to removing articles of her clothing, and you might mention to these trainees that such actions have no effect on one who can not see.

Kind regards to you and your family,

Blind Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents

 

[Bey'lik]

Now, personally, I've yet to see the paperwork on this one, and as far as I know the boss hasn't either. Now, if yeh prove me wrong on this by presenting these alleged official documents to prove yerself, I'll give yeh an appology over a ale.

On the other hand, if yeh can't produce 'em, and I'll be wantin' teh see the official Ministry of Taxation seal (and that's just me, Dag's a REAL stickler fer paperwork, neat and proper), along with all the proper signatures, well then, that means yer engaging in fraudulent behavior, as well as rabble rousin'. Such behavior'll land yeh and yer mates on our "to do" list in short order. Yeh can feel free to stop by any one o' our offices at yer convenience to present yer proof. Get one o' yer mates to help yeh watch out fer the walls, on account of I doubt they're gettin' padded out of our budget any time soon.

 

[Guest]

But Agent Bey'lik, I was under the assumption that the offices of the ministry of taxation already had padded walls.

*tries to hide a sly smile*

 

[Katharine]

Now who told you the Dictator issued straight jackets for all agents Siofra??? *sighs* So much for keeping secrets! hehe

 

[Kedyn Wolfsbane]

<blockquote><hr>

bad social cases and VJ

[/ QUOTE ]

VJ? Isn't that a social disease? I think I saw a film on it in high school....

 

[Grot]

<blockquote><hr>


Now, personally, I've yet to see the paperwork on this one, and as far as I know the boss hasn't either. Now, if yeh prove me wrong on this by presenting these alleged official documents to prove yerself, I'll give yeh an appology over a ale.

On the other hand, if yeh can't produce 'em, and I'll be wantin' teh see the official Ministry of Taxation seal (and that's just me, Dag's a REAL stickler fer paperwork, neat and proper), along with all the proper signatures, well then, that means yer engaging in fraudulent behavior, as well as rabble rousin'. Such behavior'll land yeh and yer mates on our "to do" list in short order. Yeh can feel free to stop by any one o' our offices at yer convenience to present yer proof. Get one o' yer mates to help yeh watch out fer the walls, on account of I doubt they're gettin' padded out of our budget any time soon.

[/ QUOTE ]

This message is quite amusing to me, as it is the exact same argument I've given to Minster Dagashi repeatedly. Though I've asked repeatedly, I have yet to be shown a document or official decree from _lord_ British, or even the strumpet Anissa that authenticates the duties TAX has taken on, and the methods used by TAX agents to collect taxes. Though, given that the guards of Britain were recently consorting and on good tearms with 'invaders' from Despise, the question as to whether or not British's regeme even cares comes to mind.

 

[Guest]

To: Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
cc: Agent Nalfein T'sarren
Care of:
<pre> The Ministry of Taxation
Britain
Felucca</pre>

From:
<pre> Otto the Blind
Snow Blind
West Wintermoor 3
Malas </pre>

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Allocation of funds

Dear Bey'lik,

as I clearly stated in my first letter to your department, the plans have been on display in the central offices in Britain for the past three months. It sounds to me as if the Ministry is not keeping up with it's paperwork.
How can you and your colleagues possibly claim that a portion of our taxes go towards administration, when the admininstration is clearly not being done? I am trying to help you with your public image, and yet you persist in making public blunders such as this! Still, no matter - your image may yet be salvaged. Remember, I am here to help.

While on the topic of your poor administration, I visited your offices in Freespaces Road, hoping to find an agent present to discuss a few matters.
There was one employee present, who was of no use whatsoever. She did not know the names of any of her co-workers, where they were, or even the first thing about any of your policies! She also mentioned that your human resources offices were empty, which makes me wonder about your earlier statement regarding employing more agents. I truly hope that this was a rare incident, and is not reflective of all of your offices. I do compliment you on choosing Freespaces Road, however - it shows initiative in keeping expenses low, thereby saving the tax payer some money.

As to your comments regarding the documents, although you have had ample opportunity to view them, and have obviously ignored the departmental memos that were sent regarding regular visits to view all documentation on display at the central office, I will try to accomodate you. The original documents are now in the posession of the Royal Clerk of Records, and you know his attitude towards the removal of paperwork from his vast array of filing cabinets. Still, I will approach him and request either the originals for your perusal, or an appropriately notorized duplicate, made by the official Ministry of the Arts.

I do worry that these requests on your part are an attempt to cover up a deeper mismanagement of the citizens' funds by the Ministry. I sincerely hope that this is not the case. Minister Dupre is becoming most agitated with your tardiness.

I will visit your offices as soon as I am in posession of either the original paperwork, or an official copy thereof. Please ensure that you file the appropriate forms requesting authorisation to view these documents by the time I arrive. You will need a N00B-RA1N, a matching pair of B0RL5, and 2SUK-N-3GG, in triplicate.

Sincerely yours,

Blind Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents

 

[Bey'lik]

The idea that the King communicates with the agencies by puttin' some documents in some sorta display case, and just hopes someone'll come along and have a look, that doesn't float mate. I can understand that yeh know nothin' of Ministry politics and protocols, but even someone totally out o' touch has got to understand that unless a messenger puts an official order in the boss's hand, it's not an order.

All this bellyachin' and balleyhoo'en, it's nothin' we aint heard before. Blokes as don't want to pay always have an excuse. Blokes as want us to do somethin' extra for 'em always have two.

 

[Guest]

@ Otto. . . I must say that i find this petition to be more than a little ironic. It is my understanding that you are in the process of becoming a knight in the cult of the Silver Serpents? You are no doubt aware, that this group is notorious for assaulting Ministry Agents, has gone <u>on record</u> stating that they will never pay a single copper of taxes to any Ministry Agent, takes advantage of the public services provided by Lord British (made possible by the taxes collected by the Ministry) and finally, denies that Lord British is the righful ruler of Sosaria...?

Now you have the nerve to ask for his aid?

On the surface, your request seems like a reasonable one. However, as you are a member of a self proclaimed group of tax evaders, i must assume that there are less than altruistic motives behind your request. As such, i suggest you find Agents Bey'lik, Nadal T'Sarran and Nalfein T'Sarran and plead your case infront of them. They will listen to your words and decide if your cause is worth considering, or merely a ploy on behalf of the Knights to extort coin from a man they refuse to acknowledge.

@ Grot, Lord of Wispwood Shire . . . We have indeed had this discussion in the past. The Ministry has the authority to collect taxes on behalf of Lord British wether you agree with it or not. The Citizens of Wispwood shire have traditionally been awarded a low tax bracket. Yet despite this favourable placement, you and yours continue to slander us at any opportunity. It is with a touch of sorrow that i am now forced to make the following proclamation.

From this point forward, any and all members of Wispwood Shire are no longer considered to be in the "low" tax brackets. They have publically declared their refusal to pay taxes and as such will henceforth be branded as tax evaders. Ministry Agents will be instructed to collect taxes from any and all citizens, byt force if necesary.

I am truly saddened that you have forced my hand in this Grot. Many Ministry Agents (myself included) consider the Shire to be a wonderful place and her citizens to be good friends. I hope that you and your council reconsider your position so that we may once again share a pint of ale in the Unicorn in good spirits.

@ Py Lethius. . . You have no right to ask for anything from the Ministry. Your continued assualts on my Agents, the repeated public statements denouncing the Ministry and our Lord British make it abundantly clear where you stand on the matter.

You and yours are no better than any other roving group of brigands. Assaulting whomever <u>you</u> please in the name of "Justice". I am convinced that once Lord British is able to take care of his more pressing concerns, that he will turn his attentions to you and your frozen north cult.

Til that time, be gone with your flowery words and baseless accusations.

 

[Katharine]

In response to the Minister of Taxation, aka Dictator Dagashi

From: Katharine of Wispwood Shire

My lord Dictator, as humbled as I am to be even considered for a tax bracket being the poor halfling that I am, I must however ask you to reconsider your decree to harm my fellow Shirefolk for the purpose of collecting a tax for use of facilities most of us either avoid or have no need for on a daily basis. Being branded a murderer myself, I am refused the healing powers of most so called "wandering healers" that your Lord chose to place among these lands. Even when I happen to come across one willing to breathe life back into my spirit it is oft times unnecessary or not possible at that point in time for new life as that new life would be immediately threatened. As far as these "public moongates" go however, being branded as I am this mode of transportation is not a feasible option for me, therefore I rely on my own magical powers to get me from place to place.

If you persist on plaguing those of us who neither use nor require services that you claim to collect taxes on, then I will have no choice but to refuse to honor your wishes of payment. Might I offer a suggestion and only seek out those that chose to abuse these facilities and leave the humble citizens who have no need for such things to themselves.

Yours respectfully,

Katharine, Chatelaine to the Citizens of Wispwood Shire.

 

[Guest]

quote from Lord Py Lethius:
<blockquote><hr>

thwarted, hoodwinked, misdirected, flimflammed or otherwise hornswoggled...a pretty pair of pusillanimous poachers, such as your disesteemed selves

[/ QUOTE ]

quote from Minister Dagashi:
<blockquote><hr>

Til that time, be gone with your flowery words

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmm...that may be a tall order, Dagashi. Although I had thought Py's Word-Of-The-Day toilet paper was taken away from him a while back, obviously he had a secret stash...

-Skylark

 

[Guest]

<blockquote><hr>

aka Dictator Dagashi

[/ QUOTE ]

You have insulted me personally often enough. Our next encounter will not be as Minister and Citizen. Our next encounter will be personal.

<blockquote><hr>

for the purpose of collecting a tax for use of facilities most of us either avoid or have no need for on a daily basis

[/ QUOTE ]

The citizens of Wispwood shire make frequent use of Lord British's banks and moongates. As such, they are expected to pay taxes.

<blockquote><hr>

being branded as I am this mode of transportation is not a feasible option for me

[/ QUOTE ]

If you are unable to take care of yourself, perhaps you should reconsider your career path?

<blockquote><hr>

therefore I rely on my own magical powers to get me from place to place.


[/ QUOTE ]

You have been seen by Ministry Agents in the lands known as Ilshenar. The only way to reach these ladns is via Lord British's public moongate system.

<blockquote><hr>

If you persist on plaguing those of us

[/ QUOTE ]

The Ministry has NEVER forcibly collected taxes from any citizen of wispwood shire. In return, your liege ridicules me and my agents and <u>you</u> personally mock my every word.

I have told Grot where the MInistry stands on this issue. Feel free to make your opinions made to him.

You however will be made to pay for your continued slander.

 

[Grot]

<blockquote><hr>


@ Grot, Lord of Wispwood Shire . . . We have indeed had this discussion in the past. The Ministry has the authority to collect taxes on behalf of Lord British wether you agree with it or not. The Citizens of Wispwood shire have traditionally been awarded a low tax bracket. Yet despite this favourable placement, you and yours continue to slander us at any opportunity. It is with a touch of sorrow that i am now forced to make the following proclamation.

From this point forward, any and all members of Wispwood Shire are no longer considered to be in the "low" tax brackets. They have publically declared their refusal to pay taxes and as such will henceforth be branded as tax evaders. Ministry Agents will be instructed to collect taxes from any and all citizens, byt force if necesary.

I am truly saddened that you have forced my hand in this Grot. Many Ministry Agents (myself included) consider the Shire to be a wonderful place and her citizens to be good friends. I hope that you and your council reconsider your position so that we may once again share a pint of ale in the Unicorn in good spirits.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nay, Dagashi, tis you that forced my hand. Until today, our differences were under dispute, but never fully settled. All I have ever asked for was documentation. Documentation that, by Bey'lik's own admission would exist if your agency were a legal organization. You have not only refused multiple times to provide the documentation, you have now threatened Citizens of the Shire. My patience has a limit, and you have found that limit.

Henceforth, the Shire of Wispwood does not recognize the Ministry of Taxation as a legal and benevolent entity. Any request of taxation levied upon a Citizen of the Shire by a member of said Ministry is to be soundly ignored. Any attempt by a member of said Ministry to forcefully collect taxes from a Citizen of the Shire should be dealt with by use of any force necessary to protect the lives and possessions of the Citizen(s) in question. In addition, any weapons or combat related materials used by said Ministry in such an attempt to forcefully collect taxes may be collected up by Shire Citizens to prevent and hinder further such attempts. This decree stands until such time as the Ministry of Taxation provides indisputable proof of the legality of their office AND choses to collect taxes in a civilized and non-harmful manner.

I am truly saddened that our friendship is further strained by these events. The Shire IS a wonderful place. You and your band are still welcome to visit and have a pint of ale at the Unicorn at any time, so long as there are no attemps, either verbal or hostile, to collect taxes.

-Grot,
Lord of Wispwood

 

[Katharine]

My lord, I merely make observations such as I see them. If being called "Dictator" merely as my form of speaking to you is slander, then by all means walk upon my corpse as you see fit and I will continue to make observations as I see fit. I would never have considered myself an enemy of any member of TAX, but as I sit and reread your missive I can't but only assume that I have been branded as enemy to you and yours.

<blockquote><hr>

You have been seen by Ministry Agents in the lands known as Ilshenar. The only way to reach these ladns is via Lord British's public moongate system.


[/ QUOTE ]
As for any minister seeing me within the borders of Ilshenar within recent times, you might want to send those ministers to Blind Otto's optometrist as I have not been on that side of the world for many months as I have no more use of the creatures that spawn there. Once before I happily paid taxes to your ministers (whether I agreed with the system or not) merely out of respect to you and yours.

As such is not the case anymore, I humbly ask you keep such animosity between you and yours and myself, reguardless of Lord Grot's decree. You know Shirefolk will not attack, I however will not restrict such rules to myself. If that causes me to lose my coucil position with the citizens then so be it.

Kind Reguards,
Katharine

 

[Guest]

To: Minister Dagashi
cc: Agent Nalfein T'sarren, Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
Care of:
<pre> The Ministry of Taxation
Britain
Felucca</pre>

From:
<pre> Otto the Blind
Snow Blind
West Wintermoor 3
Malas </pre>

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Allocation of funds

I am most honoured that you have taken the time to respond to my letter, Minister, especially as your underlings seemed intent on thwarting the best intentions of those who would help the needy.

Allow me to correct a few small misunderstandings, so that this matter may be resolved, and the needy can have their facilities.

Firstly, this is not exactly a petition. I am certain you recognise the seal of Minister Dupre - it is a work order, and the accompanying documents speak for themselves.

Aye, I do currently hold the rank of Initiate of the Silver Serpents. I have made no secret of this, and have plainly sealed every letter sent to your department thusly. There is nothing underhanded or concealed here. I do, however request that you and your men not confuse me with my 'twin', who has journeyed from another world to our one by mystical means, and who now makes his home amongst those Newborn on Siege. I would hate to have the wrath of the shard befall thy department for the crime of slaying the Newborn.

And, while it is true that I have not paid a single copper coin in taxes, that is simply because I had no copper with me when your trainee spoke with me in the Minoc bank, and asked me to inspect her... assets. I did, however, show compassion to her - she must have been extremely cold without a shirt on, although I could not see her - and gave her a pile of rare items that she could both draw heat from, and possibly later sell to buy a nice fur coat. I do ask that you address this matter - it is unseemly for thy agents to be shirtless, particularly the womenfolk.

Taking my compassion towards thy underpaid, underclad agent into account, it seems that I am fully legal, at least at you have explained the law. She assured me that she had marked in her ledger that I was paid in full. As I can not see, I had to take her word for it, but I trust you will be swift to act if your employees are taking advantage of the disabled.
I did try to verify my status, and requested a receipt, but it appears that someone within your department has misappropriated the funds allocated to making your policies publicly available, and could find no trace of the policy documents at your offices. In addition to this, your trainee had burnt her receipt book to keep warm - I think she said something about her 'hot its', whatever those are. It was extremely hard to hear, because the bankers had been forced to keep their livestock IN the bank, as their farms had been reposessed by your agents. The constant bleating of the sheep was most offputting.

All documentation is firmly within the grasp of the official record keeper, depsite Agent Bey'lik's protests, and you have been provided with the appropriate reference numbers for it.

And, as you seem interested in my words, I will let you in on a secret. I do not use flowers - they make terrible ink. There is a small species of slug that lives in the chamber in the middle of the temple on the Isle of the Avatar, which, when mixed with the juice of the berries found on Dot Isle, produces the most amazing ink. I do not share my craft secrets with just anyone, but you carry such respect, I am sure I can trust you with it.

Getting back to business, while I fully understand that there are a small handful of scoundrels in our land who would attempt to defraud you, I must ask that the Ministry does not generalise, and maintain an open mind.

As soon as I have finished certain pressing matters, such as feeding the poor, babysitting for some of the local widows, and weaving blankets for the destitute, I will make arrangements to travel once more to thy tax offices, and meet with thy agents, as discussed.

One small point that I feel I must make in closing - I have read the official braille translations of every public speech ever made by British, as made available in the public library in Britain, as well as every document ever published by him.
To my surprise, there is no record in any of them of his claim to rule these lands, or of his creation of thy department. I did find reference to a Department of Flax, designed to boost the wool and cotton economy, which strangely enough, has the same address as your department, but there is no reference to your Ministry whatsoever. Most curious.

Once again, thank you for your response. I trust that we can resolve this matter speedily, and start work on these projects.

Sincerely yours,

Otto

 

[Mogturman]

*pulls out Tax Ledger* *writes in ledger* CWS is now considered a tax evader

 

[Argyle]

The TAX collectors have always given an honest and interesting element to the lands of Siege Perilous.

Do the citizens of the lands demand authentication for the occupation of the Yew woods Citizens of Wispwood Shire?

Are the directives of justice questioned for the Knights of the Silver Serpent?

I find this demand upon the Tax Collectors both unreasonable and in poor taste.

If anything, the noble citizens of the land should strive to pay their fair share for the upkeep of our world.

The Tax Collectors have been completing their role for many years in these lands, virtually ancient is their effort to maintain the financial demands of Sosaria.

For that, I give them applause. Continue on in your efforts TAX, for as we all know, no one likes to pay their taxes.

 

[Argyle]

It seems I have deterred further discussion...

 

[imported_Castor]

"And, while it is true that I have not paid a single copper coin in taxes, that is simply because I had no copper with me when your trainee spoke with me in the Minoc bank, and asked me to inspect her... assets. I did, however, show compassion to her - she must have been extremely cold without a shirt on, although I could not see her "

our initiates always go above and beyond the call of duty...

 

[Argyle]

You giving your boys gropping, err...romance, lessons again Castor?

 

[Katharine]

*laughs* Cas's form of romance

"Hey baby wanna see my blaze?" *flexes muscles*

"Oh my! It's so bright!" *eyes burst in their head*


hehehehehe

 

[Katharine]

To: Argyle

My lord, I find these accusations unnecessary and in poor taste themselves.
<blockquote><hr>


Do the citizens of the lands demand authentication for the occupation of the Yew woods Citizens of Wispwood Shire?

Are the directives of justice questioned for the Knights of the Silver Serpent?

I find this demand upon the Tax Collectors both unreasonable and in poor taste.

If anything, the noble citizens of the land should strive to pay their fair share for the upkeep of our world.


[/ QUOTE ]

The citizens of Wispwood Shire has strived for many a year to come to some form of agreement between ourselves and those under the Dictators direction. However, as no common ground has ever been established and events have spurred our selves into action, then yes to TAX we are evaders. However, I have seen few upon these lands willingly pay taxes to the Minister and his men, and I'm going to assume that includes you as well. Yew woods has long been home to the Shirefolk, we require no papers of authentication when it is a known fact throughout the lands. However, I am merely stating obvious facts here.
Saddened as I am about Lord Grot's decree, I respect his right to protect his people, although it will strain our new ones to no end merely because some might not understand the history behind the decree. They will be well protected though so no matter.

As far as paying for upkeep of the lands, I must say if that is why TAX was taking our gold they have failed to provide enough services for ALL citizens, those of us in a red hue have a hard time getting any of those "wandering healers" to breathe life into our spirits, as I'm sure you know quite well. Also there are those that tremble at the mere mention of venturing into the new lands as rouge ninjas wander about showing themselves only to harm the unwary passerby. Maybe we should send them to concentrate on those people for their taxes as well?

Respectfully,
Katharine of Wispwood Shire

 

[Argyle]

"My lord, I find these accusations unnecessary and in poor taste themselves."

You find accusations only in a rebuke. A rebuke that goes without contest.

Are you unable to justify your stand?

The demands levied towards TAX are most unreasonable.

Papers demanded from a Lord long vacant from the land....the task of coercing the righteous healers to resurrect those who have taken life...the dispertion of funds for the infirmed, no matter how well established.

I find charlatans in your Shire my dear, and a few in Wintermoor as well.

How can one demand the action of another, when they are prone to inaction?

 

[Katharine]

Now I would never seek to coerce anyone, M'lord Argyle. As for demanding documentation, I would only recognize those with official seals from the Lord of Wispwood himself. Lord Otto the Blind merely seeks to present documentation from Lord Dupre on new projects to make life liveable for those among us with less than perfect health, while either in spirit or body. No one is demanding anything from those of TAX, except maybe Dupre himself.

As for the healers themselves, they are fickle creatures. Performing the duties they were hired for only when it suits their purpose to do so. Maybe you should have a talk with those that hired them to make them less fickle. After all if taxes collected from myself and others are for the purpose of paying these healers, should they not perform their duties?

M'lord as for Charlatans within the Shire and Wintermoor, I have seen none. Those that brag about what they can do or who they can kill have no place near me. However, look around you and you will find those you accuse of charlatanism, maybe within your own heart. This will be my last missive to you on the subject.

Safe journies and pleasant studies,
Katharine

 

[Argyle]

Ah, if only I needed to study my dear. Sadly, I am beyond that age.

As for charlatanism, I am not the one trying to defraud the treasury, or evade taxation.

I have always paid my taxes when asked to do so. Sadly, I have often been acosted on sight, to which I make the Ministry show their talents.

Dismiss my rebuke as you may. I think my point has been proven.

"Evader" is a fitting title.

 

[Footrott Flats]

To: Blind Otto
Care of: KSS, Wintermoor


From: Footrott Flats
Holy Man of the True Church

Re: Allotment of funds

Dear Mr Otto,

It has come to my attention that the recent events concerning the misappropreations of funds is indeed true. Just this night it was discovered that one of the new initiates was found taking taxes without giving receipts. Of course when this was brought to the attention of Tax Agent Bey'lik infront of a large crowd he promptly brought the agent before us and had him give a reciept. What I did find rather alarming was that while Tax Agent Bey'lik was training his new initiates, he was in the Iantown Pub guzzling Ale like the tavern was going to run out. Due to this situation and the "misappropreations of funds" I myself had to step in and give his new recruits a thorough thrashing.

Upon further investigation I have also discovered that Agent Bey'lik and Initiate Alexi have been spendy large somes of money each night at Iantown tavern. Im wondering if this is not the "funds" that are being misplaced. I say this not to accuse but to just inform you that hte Agent training the recruits seems to be spreading alot of weath about Iantowns tavern. You might want to check into this further.

Yours Sincerely
Footrott Flats
Holy Man to the True Church

 

[Callandoar]

As per this misappropriation of funds-

I have recently been brought out of retirement from the ministry due to the massive number of evaders in these lands.

I taxed funds and items from the following guilds/people yesterday, forcibly and peacefully.

WAKA
MAGI
LICH
NEW

Carl
Dionysis
Atomic Atom

About 12 people total and many funds/items were collected. I failed to collect from the guild Loaf, while Sumuatros was killed, myself and the intern I was with failed to collect anything before he returned with aid and I fell in battle.

All funds collected were given directly to the minister for proper distribution. The ministry does not deal with spending the funds, only collection.

 

[Guest]

To: Agent Callandoar
cc: Minister Dagashi, Agent Nalfein T'sarren, Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
Care of:
<pre> The Ministry of Taxation
Britain
Felucca</pre>

From:
<pre> Otto the Blind
Snow Blind
West Wintermoor 3
Malas </pre>

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Allocation of funds

Dear Agent,

as I have not had a suitable reply to my earlier rebuttal of your supervisor's incorrect assumptions, I can only assume that he has been taken ill, and is unable to reply. I sincerely hope he has not been at the garlic sandwiches with stake garnish again - you know how those upset him, and cause chest pains.

In the event of him being unavailable - as he must be, as one so efficient would never shirk his responsibilities - I must ask you, or one of your colleagues to meet with me, or at least to give me directions to the nearest tax office, so that we can conclude this matter. I did visit one of your offices earlier - the main branch, on Freespaces road - but I found it to be in disarray, with no well informed staff to be found, and nothing there save a few old tales of tax collecting. Hardly the well-oiled machine I had been lead to expect. Hopefully, you can direct me to a better staffed, and better equipped office, than the web-filled sorry shambles on Freespaces road?

I have taken note of the remarks made by Footrott Flats, but, as the Department of records chief clerk made mention that he had already read and appropriately distributed a report containing those words, verbatim, I see no need to mention it to Minister Dupre when next we meet.

I do hope that we can resolve this matter soon. I am used to government departments losing track of true priorities, and focusing exclusively on the paperwork, but there are people in need, and I would like to expedite the transfer of funds to the projects as soon as possible.

I do hope Minister Dagashi recovers his health soon. I have crafted a nice pair of silver ankh cufflinks, which I enclose, as a get well present. I mined all day to get that silver, in a most difficult spot near the local monestary, where the monks kept tipping holy water all over it, but no effort is too great for such a well respected man as he.

Kind regards,

Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents

 

[Guest]

@ Otto . . . I am happy to hear that you will heed my words and seek out the Agents i mentioned in an attempt to show the sincerity of your request.

However, i do feel there is no need for all the slander you accompanying your missive.

<blockquote><hr>

...especially as your underlings seemed intent on thwarting the best intentions of those who would...

[/ QUOTE ]

You are a representitive of a cult whose members routinely accost and assault my Agents. I can understand how they might be a bit harsh in their dealings with you as a result. Especially when you consider all the barbs you feel the need to include.

<blockquote><hr>

...There is nothing underhanded or concealed here...

[/ QUOTE ]

Knowing the reputation of your guild mates, my agents would be neglecting their duties if they did not assume there could be some trickery afoot. There is nothing wrong with being thorough and i commend my Agents for being so.

<blockquote><hr>

...his home amongst those Newborn on Siege. I would hate to have the wrath of the shard befall thy department for the crime of slaying the Newborn...

[/ QUOTE ]

The Ministry of Taxation has <u>always</u> supported the NEW and continues to do so. As you can see here, any and all NEW born have the option to defer tehir taxes til they are able to establish themselves in our lands

[OOC - tax never has and never will agress on a NEW unless the guy is being a total ass OR there has been lengthy RP before and it appears that aggressive action vs the NEW will not have a negative impact on their experience on SP]

<blockquote><hr>

...while I fully understand that there are a small handful of scoundrels in our land who would attempt to defraud you, I must ask that the Ministry does not generalise, and maintain an open mind....

[/ QUOTE ]

The Ministry and her Agents have always had an open mind. However, our Agents have a job to do and how that job is carried out is explained quite clearly in the Ministry's Policy and Procedure section.

<blockquote><hr>

...or of his creation of thy department. I did find reference to a Department of Flax, designed to boost the wool and cotton economy, which strangely enough, has the same address as your department, but there is no reference to your Ministry whatsoever....

[/ QUOTE ]

Now you are starting to sound like Lord Grot. You claim to have records from Dupre but are not willing to accept that records exist concerning the creation of the Ministry of Taxation? We have been collecting taxes in these lands for nearly half a decade, please do give us some credit....

 

[Katharine]

(OOC) Glad to see ya finally got new ledgers going Dag! hehehe Alexi any relation to Ash, seeing as they have the same bloody last name? Cause if so this could get complicated! hehe

 

[Guest]

<blockquote><hr>

Glad to see ya finally got new ledgers going Dag!

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the tip, Kat...I had given up looking for new entries.

*begins reading new TAX ledger entry*

Jaina, I can sympathize for the depradations dungeons make on one's appearance. Remember to pack super hold styling spray next time...

*continues reading*

Eep!

Stripping for taxes???

Exactly what sort of agency are you running Dag? It is encouraging to see that the noble knights and initiates who are not um, visually challenged as Otto, can resist such dire collection tactics...

-Skylark

 

[Tax Girl]

Dear Otto,

I'm really mad at you for making all these bad accusations about how well I conduct myself as a tax agent. For one thing I don't even think you're blind!
You certainly managed to stare in a particular direction long enough with a lecherous grin on your face. I know you like what you saw!

You are an evil and manipulative man who says he'll pay one moment and then puts weird enchantments on stuff so that it'll disappear the next. You lie to me about agreements you make with my boss because you think that I shouldn't know better. She's just an intern you figure. Well, here is news for you Mister Otto sir. THERE IS NO EXTENDED PAYMENT PLAN! TAXES ARE DUE WHEN WE COME TO COLLECT THEM! So if you don't tell the truth about little things like that, why should I believe any of these other papers and documents is true? You probably bribed some beggar named Dupre to sign stuff, paid him off with gold that later disappeared, and then hid the stuff in a library. It would fit, knowing what I've seen of you so far.

And tell me this, Mister Pretending-To-Be-Blind Otto. If I really did pad my pockets with ministry gold as you say, how could it be that when I went to Iantown to visit, Miss Tea couldn't even figure out I was a girl? I had to tell her twice and even take off my bulky robe to show her my uncolor coordinated armor. And then if that wasn't bad enough another guy that I thought was really cute said I was ugly! Now if I had taken ministry funds and done what I really wanted to do I would have gone out and gotten a manicure and hairdo straight away! But noooo I've been told to conserve for the public good. It doesn't matter that I get called ugly and I spend the night in a bar crying my eyes out. Agent Bey'lik was just trying to make me feel better, trying to undo some of the damage done by other mean citizens in the land. At least he knows how to treat a woman!

Now I want you to retract all these silly suggestions of yours. You are not blind and I'm even prepared to bounce up and down in front of you to show everyone around that you aren't as blind as you say you are! And stop trying to make me lose my job or I'll send my cousin after you.

Most sincerely,
A very mad Alexi Skarwyn

 

[Guest]

Now I want you to retract all these silly suggestions of yours. You are not blind and I'm even prepared to bounce up and down in front of you to show everyone around that you aren't as blind as you say you are!
____________________________________________________________________

**GASPS**

Nay nay lass do not go there nor do that !! Think, missy think !!

I will be first to admit as a WOMAN that I think Lord British is a jerk phoney balony and a coward that fled us all whense we needed him to guide and protect us all. PFFT he is a MAN ! Then take a look at Lord Blackthorn...pfft a man's ego gone MAD till he ended up some metalic dead guy.

Now I do not care whom they are ..tis still a man's world here at times and they can all be problematic as human beings cuz men are well..men ! pfft An odd alien species that struts about handing out orders and often while they may look dashing in a robe ..they ask US to wear those hideous things too. ROBES make us women look FAT ! I dont even like robes yet men on high always seem to order us women to don one to wear ..for some odd reason or another.

Then some other man will shout at a woman and say:
ooohh ye uggggggggggggglieeeeeeeeeee and fat at/to us in our robes !!! *probably some mean way to be deliberately manipulativly male, and to get us to show our figure off by bouncing or taking it off, whilst oft still ordering us to WEAR ONE*

Now I me self am not a professional woman as ye self. I work hard and have to fell huge trees every day, to make furniture for the citizens of the land. I have to work me fingers to the bone mining stupid rocks to form them and shape them into a table chair or statue for peoples wanting high quality granite stone masonry items. So I nary have any fancy pantsy professional job, nor am I a fighter in the land thus can nary even defend me self at all ever. When ever TAX comes my way..I just spout .."ye want MY taxes ..go get MY income off of the vile unstopped crime lords and murderers of this land, whom never pay taxes and yet whom pad their already way too rich pockets by murdering me and then dryloot stealing my wares that never get on the vendors, for me to even MAKE any income. " MOST of them are MEN too that speak that alien dialect and spout things weird like .. PWND roxxorsjoo and other foreign tongued speech like that. pfft MEN

SO lass since you have a professional job, and I can never pay me taxes, nor will I ever ..ifn ye bosses want taxes off me they can go extract them from the vampires that all ways kill/steal all I have, to get my humble incomes.

But since ye are a professional woman unlike meself, AND yet ye are a fellow woman in this brutal male mentality land ..I shall make ye a spiffy professional woman's outfit !! Yes I shall. As a woman..in TAX I envision ye in a fancy white shirt under a properly attired plain humble, simple basic black plain business dress (or dyed the color of tax collectors but a plain dress)......no fancy dress, and NO FAT ROBE !! NO BLaze, nothing fancy ..it would be perfect for a professional woman to be attired in..in this cruel world we live in of men trying to make us all don the fat ugly robe..or even the death robe.

No robe will ever flatter our womanly figures ..but ye shouldst not take it off to prove ye womanliness to any male,pfft nay..................that what men want us to DO. Whether they be blind or not...................or whether they be our bosses or not..or our enemies or not..or mean jerks or kindly sorts they all seem to want us to wear the fat robe then take em off to prove something to em BLEH dumb male logic.

Thus lass...remember this it is a man's world they think they pwn us..let em "think" that haha cuz they clueless, we JUST LET them think they pwn, cuz that is all they can mentally and emotionally, DEAL with they like lil BOYZ afterall all of em. haha !! Stop and think about how many guilds and professional men and even knights..all tell us to WEAR THE FAT ROBE !! *giggles* its UGLY it does nothing for any of our lovely female figures !!

We ARE WOMAN HEAR US ROAR..we have the power yes sista, put ye self into a simple figure flattering professional woman's plain basic black dress .. &amp; I will even sew it, for ye !!!

*bows exits*

 

[Spree]

For paying our taxes, The Township of Iantown was granted a Wandering healer last night and Improved roads where built in town. Sadly the Roads where destroyed by the Vampires and unmentionable group of squatters. If you pay you Taxes you will be rewarded in Improvement to your towns. Pay your TAXES and you will benefit from improved services.

 

[Guest]

To: Minister Dagashi
cc: Agent Callandoar, Agent Nalfein T'sarren, Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
Care of:
<pre> The Ministry of Taxation
Britain
Felucca</pre>

From:
<pre> Otto the Blind
Snow Blind
West Wintermoor 3
Malas </pre>

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Allocation of funds

Dear Minister,

I am extremely pleased to hear that you have recovered from that unfortunate incident, and hope that no garlic sandwich will ever get the better of you again.

I did not intend any of my comments to be slanderous in any way, and I am terribly sorry that you mistook them for such.

I admit that I was feeling somewhat frustrated at the length of time that it is taking to have the funds allotted, especially as Minister Dupre questions me about it daily. That, and my concerns for your own health, probably made me far less cordial than usual while communicating with agent Callandoar.
I do apologize, most sincerely for any injury that I may have caused to your feelings, and if your agent is likewise offended, please convey my apologies to him as well.

My comment regarding my openness and lack of concealed agendas was not meant as any form of 'barb'. I am what I claim to be - a blind blacksmith and miner, who has been appointed to the task of dealing with several project involving the handicapped. Indeed, another project has been added to the list - I enclose the official paperwork with this letter, for you to see personally. I trust that you will hand it to the Ministry of Records when you have finished reading it, although I have had the Ministry of Arts make an official, notorised copy.

You misunderstand my meaning when I referred to the Newborn. It must be the after effects of the sandwich, never fear - I am not offended, and do not think less of you for your misunderstanding.

To clarify, I merely feared, as all accounts that I have heard indicate that the gentleman in NEW and I are remarkably similar in appearance, that one or more of your agents might mistake him for me, and that things might get out of hand - and there are many accounts of how agressors against the Newborn have been treated by angry mobs.

I therefore sought to protect you, and your loyal agents from potential harm, not to insult you, or insinuate that you had been underhanded in your treatment of anyone in any way. I hope that this clears that up. If the Newborn owe you any taxes, that is between you and them - I am staying out of that matter.

I am glad that we agree on keeping an open mind. Your earlier comments, associating your suspicions of me with alleged actions by one or more of my guildmates, do leave a small smidgeon of doubt in my mind, but I am sure that will go away with time. If you have cause to distrust me, then I hope you will speak openly with me of it, personally, and not judge me by the deeds of others, even the deeds of good men and women such as the knights. I wish no credit for the deeds of others, and likewise, not the blame. I am sure you feel the same way, and would never take the praise for the work that your loyal operatives do.

I am sorry if you object to similarities in my speech and Lord Grot's, although I have never found fault with his command of the language. I merely wished to draw your attention to the matter that the records describing the creation of your department must have been stolen, and though that you would want to know.

At the risk of being accused of further barbs, I must say that I am greatly concerned at a common trend that I see throughout your department. I have come, with open arms, offering help in many areas, such as public relations, assistance with administration, even reporting possible underhandedness, and that one of your agents is in danger of frostbite, and every time, my assistance is looked upon as some form of attack. This saddens me, but it will not stop me from helping you at every possible turn.

One more matter - I do not claim to have records from Lord Dupre. The official Ministry of Records has records from Lord Dupre.
The chief clerk has verified that they are authentic, and filed them appropriately, and we both know how hard they are to fool.

Lastly, I had to laugh at your charming wit - it is as sharp as your fangs ever were! (remind me to tell you of a new invention that I made for VmP - fang corks! A most elegent means of preventing lacerated lips and tongues!) The closing comment - "We have been collecting taxes in these lands for nearly half a decade, please do give us some credit...." really made me laugh! Who would ever associate the Ministry of Tax with credit?

I have been extremely busy dealing with some very pressing matters in the region of a guild house north of Britain the past few days, as I am sure you are well aware, but I will return to the task of seeking thy agents very soon. Again, I must enquire - which tax office should I report to? I hope that this one has a copy of the Policy and Procedures document, because someone seems to have absconded with the one at the address I mentioned in my previous letter.

Kind regards, and I hope you enjoy the cuff links.

Blind Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents


---------------------------------

Here follows the official work order as inscribed by the royal scribe, and signed by Lord Dupre

----------------------------------
<pre>
Project Number: BHOY_U_GUY5_R_TH1CK
Estimated Cost: 4,500,000 gold pieces
Source of Funding: Ministry of Taxation
Administrator: Blind Otto
Approved By: Dupre
</pre>
Summary:
<pre>
Our royal necromancers, alchemists and mages have made
an astounding discovery:

Recent study by the Ministry of the Dead has shown that there are
major anatomical similarities between two groups of creatures -
ettins and headless.

The royal mages then assisted them in their investigation, and it was
found that the second head of each ettin was actually the head of a
headless, grafted on by some strange, ancient magic. These poor creatures,
so different in form and size, are actually one and the same species.

Furthermore, the Royal Society of Archeologists and Miners has discovered
ancient ruins beneath Britain, that indicate that these creatures were once
civilised, and were the original occupants of the land on which Britain now
stands.

It is desirable to see if this situation can be reversed, to some extent. If it
can, two of the common threats to travellers in our land could potentially be
removed, and replaced with a single group of intelligent beings.


Therefore, we need to set up a study group to monitor the lives of these two
groups, and determine the best way to begin this reintegration of their
ancient society. The gold assigned to this task will go to pay for the salaries
of this research group, administered by Blind Otto.

We also hereby decree that any person found to be killing ettins or headless
before the end of this study, other than in provable self defence, will be
heavily fined, in the form of a hunting tax. Several of the guards have
already chased off a number of Ettin-harassers, and the names of the guilty
parties are listed below. Minister Dagashi, it is your responsiblity to find
these people, and extract the appropriate taxation from them. The money
you obtain in this regard will be added to the project fund.

The amount set aside for the research group, as well as additional funds
obtained from the hunting tax, are all to be paid directly to Blind Otto, who
is administrating the project. This is to be considered a direct order.

</pre>

I trust I can rely on you in this, as in the other related matters.

upre.


<u>Appendix A: Known Ettin hunters</u>
<pre>Pain
Ghost Knight
WyRm
Chyloth the ferryman
Paul
Yithallyon the Insane
Kagome
Michael
Herb
Nightmare
WyVeRn
All members of Raid as of the date of this document.
All members of Rofl as of the date of this document.
Turtles of Wrath
</pre>

<u>Appendix B: Known Headless hunters</u>
<pre>Nightmare
Yithallyon the Insane
WyRm
Chyloth the ferryman
Pain
Michael
Herb
The Harrower
WyVeRn
All members of Rofl as of the date of this document.
Raz
All members of Raid as of the date of this document.
</pre>

Please note that members of NEW have been granted special dispensation to hunt ettins and headless.

 

[Guest]

To: Minister Dagashi
cc: Agent Callandoar, Agent Nalfein T'sarren, Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
Care of:
<pre> The Ministry of Taxation
Britain
Felucca</pre>

From:
<pre> Otto the Blind
Snow Blind
West Wintermoor 3
Malas </pre>

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Agent Skarwyn

Dear Minister,

I will keep this as brief as possible. One of your agents appears to have contracted hypothermia, and is suffering from all the associated symptoms - hallucinations, memory loss, excessive chattering, and so forth.

I implore you to seek medical help for this poor woman as quickly as possible - her situation seems most serious.

I also fear for her mental state. She is obviously used to having her assets audited, not depreciated, and as my vision uses a black pen, not a red one, this has tipped the state of her mind from being a complete balance sheet, to one showing a deficit.

I fear that she is also suffering the effects of suppressed guilt. Her unwarrented remarks about 'concealed assets', hair styling, clothing, and so forth seem to indicate a deeper problem. Perhaps a visit to one of the mages, or a psychic healer is in order. She also seems to have a low self-esteem problem, being so eager to publicly attack a disabled man.

I know your department has an excellent health plan, but I felt the need to bring this poor woman to your attention sooner, rather than later - I am sure you understand.

What is this extended payment plan she speaks of? I know you allow the low tax bracket to defer payment, but I had not heard of this plan before. Please enlighten me, if you can.

Yours compassionately,

Blind Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents

 

[Guest]

Aye Spree, that it has. If you'd like to a little greater detail, feel free to go look here.

 

[Tax Girl]

Dear Mister Otto,

I just thought I would let you know that your attempts to get me fired aren't working. My boss thinks I'm doing a great job. After I turned in the first report, he gave me a big smile and I think he sees me in a different professional light. When I told him of my troubles two nights ago he insisted that I take some of those taxes I collected to make sure I am always properly outfitted as a professional female agent should dress. Then he showed me your latest slanderous letter, asked me to show him my taxing technique just to make sure it was per regulations and after all was explained and approved, he sent me on my way. He totally approves and I think he's going to give me some more pointers when I turn in my next report!

And Agent Bey'lik stuck up for me too! Seems he's always wanting to go out taxing nowadays, especially in bars waiting for evaders to show up. I learn so much each day I'm with him and he is teaching me lots of neat tricks for dealing with annoying people like you.

I sure know that after all this bad stuff you've been saying about us that everyone is pretty mad. I hope I get to watch when you meet because well, I don't like you very much and I don't think you'll get what you want.

I look forward to discussing your severely overdue tax dept soon!

Alexi Skarwyn

 

[Guest]

To: Agent Skarwyn
cc: Minister Dagashi, Agent Callandoar, Agent Nalfein T'sarren, Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
Care of:
<pre> The Ministry of Taxation
Britain
Felucca</pre>

From:
<pre> Otto the Blind
Snow Blind
West Wintermoor 3
Malas </pre>

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Official procedures

Dear Ms. Skarwyn,

I applaud your efforts to use my involvement in these large projects, assigned to me by Minister Dupre himself, to try to improve your public visibility, and improve your bonds with your fellow agents. Your sights are clearly set on the top bracket within TAX, and you will go far.

However, do you really think that it is appropriate to be abusing poor old blind men to get there? I know that two things in life are certain, death and taxes, and at my age, I am certainly far closer to death's embrace than I would ever be to embracing TAX, but surely there are more honorable means of reconciling your balance sheet?

I gave you items of high enough value to pay my tax bill (which I had already paid, anyway!) three times over, and every banker in the Minoc bank was witness to that. I have already questioned them, and they all remember seeing me settle my debt. So, if you have spent my payment while out binging with pirates... sorry, reformed pirates, then please, be good enough to make your own deposit back into petty cash, and do not try to cheat one of the few people to show an agent of TAX compassion!

Now, if it is evaders that you are after, Minister Dagashi has a comprehensive list, included with the last correspondence that I sent him, listing many who own a great deal of money to your department. I suggest that you start with the first houses east of the gate in Homare-Jima. That should impress your superiors immensely!

All I have to go on regarding your appearance is your words, and what was described to me by the bankers after you left. If a room full of bankers can all suffer the same hallucination regarding your 'assets', then I do apologise for being mislead by their words. However, you do need to attend to that then - every time I've been in Minoc bank lately, they have asked when you are going to do a 'repeat performance', and one said that he might have a pole fitted, though why they would need a pole in a bank, I do not know. Regarding being seen in a 'different professional light'... aye, they did make mention of the oldest profession, but, not having seen what, exactly you were doing that day, I can only take their word for it. I did wonder what all those sheep were doing in the bank, though. Hmmm....

Lastly, my good lady, your sight must be nearly as bad as mine. You see, I lost my sight in battle with a vile fire beast several years ago. My eyes, and forgive me if this upsets thy female sensitivities, were literally evapourated by it's intense heat. If you mistook the metalic orbs that I tinkered to keep my appearance from being too offputting for true eyes, then I take that as a compliment to my craft. However, I assure thee, metal orbs can not provide sight.

I trust that you will deposit my payment within the coffers of the ministry immediately, and, I hope that you will also be good enough to chase up your colleagues regarding a reply to my recent correspondence. I remain unable to locate a properly equipped and staffed tax office - the one on Freespaces road is in terribly disarray, and someone appears to have stolen every copy of your policies and procedures! If you could deliver my expense payment to me, that would also be appreciated. Much like yourselves, the Ministry of Works who will be assisting in these matters, do charge interest on late payments. Lacking any sign of an appropriate tax office, I have left a copy of my appointment on the steps of Minister Dagashi's Pawn Shop - I trust you will direct his attention to it for me.

I hope this resolves the matter, and that you have recovered from your bad case of hypothermia.

Regards,

Blind (yes, really) Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents

 

[Guest]

Otto, as i outlined in my earlier post, the Ministry has some serious doubts about the sincerity of your request being as you are a member of a notorious group of tax evaders.

If you wish the matter to be looked at in greater detail, you will need to meet with Agents Bey'lik and Nadal T'Sarran in person.

If you are able to convince them that your request is a serious one and not just some poorly veiled scheme by the knights to try and extort money from Ministry coffers, then perhaps i will see if i have some time in my busy schedule to meet with you.

Til then,

Regards

 

[Nalfein T'sarren]

Greetins Otto ,
Follower of Py

After discussing this matter with our dear minister, and after a few pints were shared, we reached an agreement.


(taken from "Handbook for the green agent")
<blockquote><hr>


Prime directive.
§1 First and foremost directive: The agents of the lord must at all times adhere to this rule. Should any questions or doubts be raised dureing duty refer to this rule.
This directive must never be broken, if there is any doubt its better to decline than to accept.
This directive is implicet in all the following directives.

§1:a_1: See directive 1. No new directives nor legislations can be passed that involves bending or breaking the rules of directive §1.
(look at the "Im being drunk rule, in the "These rules do no longer apply ; Book for the agent in doubt)

....
§2:a Code of drunken behavior 1. The agent under the influence , does NOT cease to be in duty. Due to very bad mistakes of agents in the past, its our sad duty to inform that crossbreedei...

[/ QUOTE ]

We must therefore refer to primedirective §1 in this matter.
However , after many a pint we reached a solution.
We offer you this , once in a lifetime chance, to serve as an intern.

The position will only be temporary, you have the option to leave at any point ,and after that you can go back to serve in Cult of Py.

The postion will grant you the right to collect taxes for the king, but more important is that you have been granted the freedom to allocate ALL the fundings you collect directly, no administration cost, to the disabled in our community.

Being the fiery soul that you are in this matter i cannot imagine you would decline such an offer.
I look forward to be serving alongside you.

Nadal T'sarren , agent.

 

[Guest]

*wonders if this is misdirection or hornswoggling*

 

[Guest]

To: Agent Nalfein T'sarren
cc: Minister Dagashi, Agent Callandoar, Agent Skarwyn, Reformed Pirate Bey'lik
Care of:
<pre> The Ministry of Taxation
Britain
Felucca</pre>

From:
<pre> Otto the Blind
Snow Blind
West Wintermoor 3
Malas </pre>

Tax Status: Handicapped

Re: Internship

Dear Agent,

I have thought long and hard about your magnanimous offer. I am honoured that you think that I am of staunch and trustworthy a character to be given access to the inner sanctums of the Ministry, and it certainly makes up for the unfair things that your Minister has been saying about my sincerity.

However, while my initial urge was to go before my Mentors, and request a leave of absence, in order that I may help my fellow unfortunates, I had to stop and think, in order that the greater good of all may be served.

You see, while a blind man may craft excellent wares, and is quite capable of mining for ore, and yea, may even master some small amount of magery, I am fully aware that I do have a handicap.

I would be unable to tell who I was attempting to tax, and whether they were a known evader. Imagine, for a moment, if you will the following scenario:

A blind man walks into a tavern (no, not that old joke, this is serious!), and overhears two men talking about their gains of the day. Being a loyal intern of the Ministry, he approaches them, and enquires whether they have paid their taxes on their hard earned gold. They reply by telling him that they have, and proceed to hand him a piece of paper, saying that it is a receipt, and that they paid another agent not ten minutes earlier.

Now, the blind man would not have that information in his ledger, and would not be able to tell if the paper was truly a receipt, or contained insults, or was merely blank. By the time he had sought his colleague in order to determine the truth of the matter, the evaders would have made their getaway. Further, he could not accurately identify them, for they could have given any name, and he would be none the wiser.

Even worse, what if such a blind man were to inadvertantly tax the same person repeatedly, or - even worse - try to tax one of his colleagues? The opportunity for disaster is huge, and I do not think that you have thought this offer through thoroughly.

Besides, I have already accepted a position, as you will see if you peruse the book left on the steps of the TAX department's Luna Pawn Shop, bearing Lord Dupre's own signature. One of his own guards did acompany me while the book was securely placed there, and the signatures have been verified.

So, while I have often found myself in situations where the maxim 'if you want a job done well, do it yourself' applies, I feel that the collection of taxes, and the delivery of the gold to myself, in order that I may proceed with these worthwhile projects, is best left in the hands of experienced professionals. Do not forget - Minister Dupre is getting impatient, and Minister Dagashi's annual review could well depend on a favourable and speedy resolution to my funding request.

I hope that I have given you something to think on. And, while I appreciate your attempts to create work for the disabled, perhaps you could find another disabled person to work in your Ministry, or create roles that a blind person could perform. However, I do not feel that 'front line' work is suitable, and you could be accused of deliberately putting an employee in harm's way.

Sincerely yours,

Blind Otto
Initiate of the Silver Serpents