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Funny man
- Thread starter Black Betty
- Start date
- Watchers 0
B
Barbosa
Guest
nope i win, first rule of board warrior's. Never complement your enemy
even if you truly mean it.I would say I do for that comment
B
Black Betty
Guest
Hrmm. I'm not quite sure where complimenting your opponent on a job well done with their move would equal a loss or surrender. It just means that I am paying attention to your moves even though they only come close to the greatness of mine.
Let's see........
TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED MAN
This explains your car.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
Are you cold?
I guess this makes me the early bird.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Can I be honest with you?
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Let's see........
TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED MAN
This explains your car.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
Are you cold?
I guess this makes me the early bird.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Can I be honest with you?
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
B
Barbosa
Guest
Why did the woman cross the road?
So I can hit'er!
Now heres a trivia question that relates to what I do for a living:
"80% of women do this and only 20% of men do this. What is it?"
So I can hit'er!
Now heres a trivia question that relates to what I do for a living:
"80% of women do this and only 20% of men do this. What is it?"
B
Black Betty
Guest
I would say the answer to that would be......
1. Lose their keys
or
2. Lock themselves out of their home or vehicle.
Close?
If this is in case the answer, the reasoning is simple. Women have a million things they have to take care of and are on our minds while men only have a few things like, "when am I going to eat/drink beer, sleep or have sex".
1. Lose their keys
or
2. Lock themselves out of their home or vehicle.
Close?
If this is in case the answer, the reasoning is simple. Women have a million things they have to take care of and are on our minds while men only have a few things like, "when am I going to eat/drink beer, sleep or have sex".
Exactly. I have my "assistant" (women) on hand to do the lesser things. Why would I worry about them?
B
Barbosa
Guest
haha so in reality I make my money back after the dumb blonde lost her keys after me coming back from the strip club. Gotta love the economics
B
Black Betty
Guest
Worry about things? Men? It's cute that you pretend to have the capacity.
Men have assistants because they are incapable of handling more than one thing at a time.
Now, let's see if ya'll can come up with something of substance to humor me.
Men have assistants because they are incapable of handling more than one thing at a time.
Now, let's see if ya'll can come up with something of substance to humor me.
B
Barbosa
Guest
*pushes back rub button*
H
hydro
Guest
blacky, who is that in your avator? really every time i see that pic it hurts my eyes! that has got to the ugliest trick i have ever seen. maybe you can sub in pic of jessica alba...
B
Barbosa
Guest
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he
noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders
hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The
girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by
her dog & her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer &
noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat's
testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said. "I don't want to tell
you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the
cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren."
noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders
hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The
girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by
her dog & her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer &
noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat's
testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said. "I don't want to tell
you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the
cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren."
D
Dreamspinner
Guest
Hydro, I beleive the pic on Blacky's posts is of Betty Page. Probably THE most famous pin up girl in the 1940's.
B
Black Betty
Guest
That and she looked great with a whip.
B
Black Betty
Guest
A farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a
rooster that he would sell.
The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, amed Tony.
He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."
Well, Tony the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Tony.
The farmer takes Tony home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the
farmer said, with a chuckle.
Tony seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Tony takes off like a shot.
WHAM! Tony nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times,
and the farmer is really shocked.
After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Tony is in there. Later, the farmer sees Tony after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Tony out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his xpensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Tony on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air.
Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says,
..."Oh, Tony, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Tony opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says,
"Shhhh .. they're getting closer."
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a
rooster that he would sell.
The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, amed Tony.
He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."
Well, Tony the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Tony.
The farmer takes Tony home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the
farmer said, with a chuckle.
Tony seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Tony takes off like a shot.
WHAM! Tony nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times,
and the farmer is really shocked.
After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Tony is in there. Later, the farmer sees Tony after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Tony out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his xpensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Tony on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air.
Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says,
..."Oh, Tony, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Tony opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says,
"Shhhh .. they're getting closer."
D
Dreamspinner
Guest
Whip or not she looked great! She still beats the skinny butt models concidered the best today.That and she looked great with a whip.
B
Black Betty
Guest
Ok, Barbosa, if you don't show soon, I will win not only by my posts, but also by default.
Now, come on, Billy Bob, git yer ass back in da game!
Now, come on, Billy Bob, git yer ass back in da game!
B
Barbosa
Guest
Ok, Barbosa, if you don't show soon, I will win not only by my posts, but also by default.
Now, come on, Billy Bob, git yer ass back in da game!
Sorry been busy at work. Yesterday Hurricane betty passed through and bitched everyone to death. Busses flipped over, women started having there periods, and men cleaned out Walgreens of their midol. However beer and whiskey sales have been on the rise just after the storm. Good goin...
:gun:
B
Barbosa
Guest
A woman went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.
The instant she saw him she started crying.
One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”
The instant she saw him she started crying.
One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”
B
Black Betty
Guest
Well, welcome back, Hillbilly.
A married woman goes to the bahamas for a business trip. While there she meets a handsome young man and has sex with him through her entire stay. The whole time the man never told her his name.
The day comes when she must leave, and before she leaves she asks the man his name. The man replies, "You must not make fun of my name.", and of course the woman promises she wont. The man tells her that his name is Snow.
Immediately, the woman breaks out in laughter. Outraged, the man yells,
"you promised you wouldnt laugh!". She replies, "Oh no honey, Im not laughing at you. I was just thinking how to tell my husband I got ten inches of snow everday in the bahamas!"
A married woman goes to the bahamas for a business trip. While there she meets a handsome young man and has sex with him through her entire stay. The whole time the man never told her his name.
The day comes when she must leave, and before she leaves she asks the man his name. The man replies, "You must not make fun of my name.", and of course the woman promises she wont. The man tells her that his name is Snow.
Immediately, the woman breaks out in laughter. Outraged, the man yells,
"you promised you wouldnt laugh!". She replies, "Oh no honey, Im not laughing at you. I was just thinking how to tell my husband I got ten inches of snow everday in the bahamas!"
B
Barbosa
Guest
Would you marry me?... 
Hes concerned about her health, in the form of weight loss, and she only cares about her own greedy sexual pleasure.
B
Black Betty
Guest
Would you marry me?...
LOL
Not until you concede, or prove that you can make an awesome raccoon stew
B
Barbosa
Guest
Raccoon Fricassee
1 Raccoon
1 onion, sliced into rings
1/2 C vinegar
1 1/2 C water
2-3 T lard or other fat
1 bay leaf
Skin the raccoon, remove the musk glands and dress out the carcass. Soak in salt water overnight to draw out the blood. Baking soda can be added to the water to remove any gamey smell. Cut raccoon into serving pieces and dredge in flour seasoned with salt and pepper. Brown in hot fat. Add remaining ingredients. cover and simmer 2 hours or until tender. Thicken the juice with flour and water mixture for gravy. Serve hot with cornbread.
Ran one over this morning...
1 Raccoon
1 onion, sliced into rings
1/2 C vinegar
1 1/2 C water
2-3 T lard or other fat
1 bay leaf
Skin the raccoon, remove the musk glands and dress out the carcass. Soak in salt water overnight to draw out the blood. Baking soda can be added to the water to remove any gamey smell. Cut raccoon into serving pieces and dredge in flour seasoned with salt and pepper. Brown in hot fat. Add remaining ingredients. cover and simmer 2 hours or until tender. Thicken the juice with flour and water mixture for gravy. Serve hot with cornbread.
Ran one over this morning...
T
Teufel_Hund
Guest
Told ya Barbosa it was a losing endeavor...do you really have to skin the raccoon?
B
Barbosa
Guest
Who said I lost? (you did) Nope not losing... Go sell tupperware or somthing
T
Teufel_Hund
Guest
asking the woman to marry you sure sounded like a concession! Actually I have my daughters graduation today!
B
Barbosa
Guest
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.
At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' they asked.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy .
The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'
'What did you watch?’, asked Marsha,'The Ten Commandments.'
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.' The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio.
When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy . After all, He is your son!' The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the **** out of her, not once, but three times.
One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.
At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' they asked.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy .
The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'
'What did you watch?’, asked Marsha,'The Ten Commandments.'
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.
With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.' The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio.
When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy . After all, He is your son!' The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the **** out of her, not once, but three times.
B
Black Betty
Guest
I didn't consider this to be Barbosa conceding, but rather just recognizing the same greatness in another. lol
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren’t so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."
I'm back! Was on a road trip but glad to be home.
J
Jezebel
Guest
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?
A: She kept throwing away all the E's, 3's and W's.
A: She kept throwing away all the E's, 3's and W's.
S
Still Frame
Guest
B
Black Betty
Guest
Osama Bin Shoppin
B
Barbosa
Guest
Oh dear lol... more like Simbama Hasheem Geytard
B
Black Betty
Guest
bahahahaha! I think you just hit the nail on the head. lol
B
Black Betty
Guest
You, Sir have just proven you are an amateur! Move along, Skippy.
The angry preacher...
A preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!"
No one moved.
The preacher continued, " Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!"
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.
"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan.
I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets."
Pee sitting down?
B
Barbosa
Guest
no more zynia post, it was funny too. Goes to see that we really do live in a communist country hehe... Nothing against you Mystra your just doing your job
B
Barbosa
Guest
Aww they took out Zynia's post
B
Black Betty
Guest
A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy...
In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
B
Barbosa
Guest
rolleyes:
So in reality the women are choking the chicken (Cooking) and Feathering the Leather? (Cleaning)
So in reality the women are choking the chicken (Cooking) and Feathering the Leather? (Cleaning)
D
Doug Ravene
Guest
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should
be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am",
he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know
babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,
and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and
out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good
look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we
can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should
be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am",
he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know
babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,
and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and
out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good
look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we
can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
B
Black Betty
Guest
Bah! Don't encourage him too much. Good Lord, that's all we need is Doug thinking he's a little too spiffy. rolleyes:
B
Black Betty
Guest
It appears as though I have won the battle with you, Barbosa. It was a good try and you get an "E" for effort, Darlin'.
Callin' all medics for Barbosa.
Callin' all medics for Barbosa.
B
Barbosa
Guest
omg
B
Black Betty
Guest
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"
Y
YSad
Guest
I know of the similar story and this one really happened in uo(addressed only to the starter of this topic):
A man has been traveling far to find his errr....wife some rare and unique items. After spending months and years of looking, he finally came up with a white "green plain dress".
It was a wonderfull dress, sewn by the goddess "Lady Hirosuke of Zento" (notice the long name), truely a oriental gift.
But when he came back he heard rumours about his "wife" dating hundreds of foreign men and barely being able to remember him. Despite the given situation, he was not vindictive, he could forgive. So he gave this wonderfull masterpiece of a dress to his wife.
She was happy, for just a moment, next thing was that she focused on a purdy blue bracelet, which i had brought with me. She was quiete rich, a billionaire! (how could someone like her be poor?) She asked me to give her this blue bracelet. I was sweating. This one blue bracelet was basically all i had! She doesn't just want to take my heart, my love and all my devotion. She also wanted my wealth, my fortune, the pittiful rest of me. I could not say yes. - So I refused to give it to her.
Blazing with anger, her furious, suddenly red, eyes started to drill holes into my body. If it was possible, her glimpse would have burned me, leaving only a pile of ember. She started to yell:
"YOU ARE SO GREEDY, AND I DO NOT CALL GREEDY MEN MY FRIENDS."
Than she threw the fancy dress onto the dirty floor, yelling:
"THERE I DO NOT WANT THIS WORTHLESS GIFT."
and finally used her strong magics to recall into her huge castle and to forge yet annother devilish plan in order to controll all men of sosaria. One wuman, to bind them, to rule them all!
This is how she broke my heart.
Moral of the story:
Wumen are evil!
A man has been traveling far to find his errr....wife some rare and unique items. After spending months and years of looking, he finally came up with a white "green plain dress".
It was a wonderfull dress, sewn by the goddess "Lady Hirosuke of Zento" (notice the long name), truely a oriental gift.
But when he came back he heard rumours about his "wife" dating hundreds of foreign men and barely being able to remember him. Despite the given situation, he was not vindictive, he could forgive. So he gave this wonderfull masterpiece of a dress to his wife.
She was happy, for just a moment, next thing was that she focused on a purdy blue bracelet, which i had brought with me. She was quiete rich, a billionaire! (how could someone like her be poor?) She asked me to give her this blue bracelet. I was sweating. This one blue bracelet was basically all i had! She doesn't just want to take my heart, my love and all my devotion. She also wanted my wealth, my fortune, the pittiful rest of me. I could not say yes. - So I refused to give it to her.
Blazing with anger, her furious, suddenly red, eyes started to drill holes into my body. If it was possible, her glimpse would have burned me, leaving only a pile of ember. She started to yell:
"YOU ARE SO GREEDY, AND I DO NOT CALL GREEDY MEN MY FRIENDS."
Than she threw the fancy dress onto the dirty floor, yelling:
"THERE I DO NOT WANT THIS WORTHLESS GIFT."
and finally used her strong magics to recall into her huge castle and to forge yet annother devilish plan in order to controll all men of sosaria. One wuman, to bind them, to rule them all!
This is how she broke my heart.
Moral of the story:
Wumen are evil!
B
Black Betty
Guest
This story was great, and very true, but some of it IS exaggerated a bit.
I have missed you, my friend!
