High Council Interview: Fern Goodfellow the Fabulous
WarderDragon
The Press Interview with Candidate Fern Goodfellow.
WarderDragon
The Press Interview with Candidate Fern Goodfellow.
Your name? (For those who have been living under a rock.)
Fern Goodfellow. Although I do go by my married name as well: The Old or Tarrant.
Tarrant. You are married to Nicholas, then?
Fern: Oh yes. He is very wealthy, powerful, handsome, and well *smiles to self* well-put-together.
...I imagine so.
So what prompted you to run for election, Mrs. Tarrant?
Two things.
First of all, I look fabulous legislating. I do it all the time in Golden. And second, funners!
You mentioned Golden. You are a resident there?
I am a member of the Triune Ruling Council of the Trinship of the Goldens and Fernwood.
You and Golden are Citizens of Britannia, I assume.
Oh, of course. We are a beautiful peninsular town, recognized as a township by the Crown.
Mr. Newsman. Is this skirt too confining?
It is.
Like when I bend?
Mm... I do.
Moving on... Golden and Fernwood were recognized under Queen Dawn. Correct?
That is correct.
Excellent. So we will begin with some pressing issues...
Fashion?
...and then delve into more personal matters.
These past months, the Isle of Magincia has been seeking its independence from Britannia. How do you feel about this?
First of all, I would like to say that I love Magincia. Imports!
Now as for independence, I totally understand the issues on both sides. There are soooooooooo totally reasons for a Free Magincia. And there are sooooooooo totally reasons for Magincia to remain with Britannia.
Howeverses, I am thinking that after all the economic issues are studied, and how independence or unity would impact Magincia economically, there must be a way that a compromise can be reached. There always is.
Independence and association at the same time. But of course, that will depend on economic studies. Fern does not want to loose one of her favorite shopping venues.
The Magincians have expressed a willingness to fight for their Independence. So far as to go to war to achieve their ends. As an elected official, would you consider War with Magincia?
The Magincians may be willing to go to War, but I am willing to shop for the good of the Magincians.
Shop for the good of the Magincians?
As I said, my position regarding Magincia will be based on economic studies. I will do by best to make certain that Magincia thrives, and as for war, well war can sometimes be an intrusion upon one's shopping. I believe that there is a fair, economical compromise in this situation that all could happily agree on.
So you believe in a peaceful resolution to the Magincian Question?
I believe in a fair resolution for all with no disruption of my shopping.
As an elected official, how would you support and strengthen ties with our allies in Zento and Ter Mur?
Aren't they run by ladies?
Yes. Queen Zhah and the Empress.
Shoe shopping! Nothing could be more diplomatic and yet carefully negotiated as a all-gals outing such as shoe shopping. I am, of course, being both literal and like totally metaphoricalsers?
I can see that.
I hate to beat a dead horse, but we do import excellent exotic items from those lands, and I would of course do everything to keep those lines of trade open.
Over the years, the Britannians have let many of its enemies slip through its clutches. Minax. Exodus. As an elected official, how would you deal with these threats to Britannian sovereignty?
Threats like those tend to be so overblown and tedious, to say nothing of unfashionable. For the good of Britannia, and for the good of all Soosaria, in fact, all peoples, Britannians and others, should come together and remove the unsightliness.
Speaking of all peoples, many Feluccans have felt disenfranchised and abandoned since the fall of Old Britannia. How would you reach out to the people of the Old World, as an elected official?
I so totally love Felucca. I dated there extensively, in fact, before I was marrieders, of course. Now, one of the first tasks of the Council must be to define what exactly is and is not Britannia. The cities, sure. But what about the roads? The wilds? The Shrines, of course, but what about the Feluccan shrines? I believe that Felucca is presently not considered Britannia. However, I say that we reach out to Felucca, and accept as allies those Feluccan peoples who would wish an Alliance with the Crown. And perhaps there are numbers who would still so totally claim their Britannian citizenshippers. Something should and must be done for them.
Isn't that a fabulous answer? Fern cares.
How would you deal with the recent interruptions to Britannian trade, including the growing Pirate threat?
Piracy is a growing phenomenon created in an unstable and inequitable global economy. Once the economy is shifted here and there, suddenly we find that there is a whole fleet of reputable businessmen and businesswomen with wares to sell. If they still totally want parrots and peglegs, more power to them!
As for the lady pirates, don't they all just know how to use clevage, that bunch? Yo-ho-ho!
Going to start a new trend?
I always start new trends. Fern is the face of fashion.
Do you believe in a more powerful Britannian government, or more power in the hands of the people?
I believe the movement to Council is indicative of a democratic trenders. Trust me, in no way am I looking for something as ridiculous as absolute power. It is hard enough for me to maintain absolute fabulousness. We should all work together on this.
How do you feel about Umbra's declaration of War on Magincia and House Tarrant?
I think the Umbrans were bored. We should help them spice up the Umbran nightlife, and maybe they won't have so much time on their hands.
How would you do that?
Bars, nightclubs, massage parlours. All necromantically themed. Lots of moody lighting. They have no singles scene, the poor things.
We will move on to some more personal questions. We'll start with ...where did you grow up?
Well, my address was Heartwood, but Mother adored travel! And all my schooling was with private tutors, who followed us around Sosaria. So I really grew up everywhere!
And what were the major themes of your ...education?
Fashion, Cosmetology, Etiquette, Astrophysics, International Law and Phytology.
Phytology?
Elves love planticles. I also studied Zoological Anatomy and Interpretive Dance.
Are you a practitioner of the Virtue Religion?
I am. Fern is all about spirituality. Fabulous inside, fabulous outside.
My sources tell me you are a ...Jewish Elf?
I am culturally part Jewish. It's like this beautiful Earthish religion.
Earth. You refer to the home of Lord British?
Totally! In her rebellious days, my grandmother went through some moongate or something and had a relationship with an Earth man.
So you are part Earthling?
I am. But all fabulous.
Some, such as the Duchess of Dawn, accuse you of being a loose woman and morally bankrupt. What do you say to this?
The Duchess would never accuse me of that! She is totally one of my bestest friends! But, she did say she has heard rumors.
Rumors?
Fern: That I am loose, or cheap. First of all, nothing about Fern is cheap. Nothing.
*Fern begins a short tirade on how she does admire a hot, sweaty man working in the fields with big ...arms.*
...or standing all sexy in his armor. But I have never been unfaithful during my marriage. Infidelity is messy and unfashionable. As for morally bankrupt, I visit the shrines weekly. I give generously to the needy, and I also follow some of my cultural Jewish spiritual practices as well.
You were recently responsible for bringing your husband, Nicholas, back from the dead. Necromancy has long been a crime in Britannia. Would this change under your leadership?
Well, bringing back Darling Nicky was not necromantical. It was Elven shamanistic magic. No different from the typical Britannian "An Corp." Just a little Elfy spin on it.
What is your profession, Lady Goodfellow? What do you do for a living.
Like work? I oversee a staff who manages Fernwood. I am a member of the Council of Golden and Fernwood. I do volunteer work. And I offer fashion advice!
And your husbands profession?
Nicholas is a very wealthy man. Like ancestral wealth. Old money.
There are rumors going about that your husband has multiple wives and mistresses. Is this true? And how do you feel about this?
I am the only woman currently married legally to Darling Nicky. As for allged mistresses, Darling Nicky is such an intense, deep thinking, cautiously acting man that in all seriousness, he wouldn't have time to be having an affair. He is very cerebral.
And for the record, your cup size?
Overflowing.
Fern Goodfellow. Although I do go by my married name as well: The Old or Tarrant.
Tarrant. You are married to Nicholas, then?
Fern: Oh yes. He is very wealthy, powerful, handsome, and well *smiles to self* well-put-together.
...I imagine so.
So what prompted you to run for election, Mrs. Tarrant?
Two things.
First of all, I look fabulous legislating. I do it all the time in Golden. And second, funners!
You mentioned Golden. You are a resident there?
I am a member of the Triune Ruling Council of the Trinship of the Goldens and Fernwood.
You and Golden are Citizens of Britannia, I assume.
Oh, of course. We are a beautiful peninsular town, recognized as a township by the Crown.
Mr. Newsman. Is this skirt too confining?
It is.
Like when I bend?
Mm... I do.
Moving on... Golden and Fernwood were recognized under Queen Dawn. Correct?
That is correct.
Excellent. So we will begin with some pressing issues...
Fashion?
...and then delve into more personal matters.
These past months, the Isle of Magincia has been seeking its independence from Britannia. How do you feel about this?
First of all, I would like to say that I love Magincia. Imports!
Now as for independence, I totally understand the issues on both sides. There are soooooooooo totally reasons for a Free Magincia. And there are sooooooooo totally reasons for Magincia to remain with Britannia.
Howeverses, I am thinking that after all the economic issues are studied, and how independence or unity would impact Magincia economically, there must be a way that a compromise can be reached. There always is.
Independence and association at the same time. But of course, that will depend on economic studies. Fern does not want to loose one of her favorite shopping venues.
The Magincians have expressed a willingness to fight for their Independence. So far as to go to war to achieve their ends. As an elected official, would you consider War with Magincia?
The Magincians may be willing to go to War, but I am willing to shop for the good of the Magincians.
Shop for the good of the Magincians?
As I said, my position regarding Magincia will be based on economic studies. I will do by best to make certain that Magincia thrives, and as for war, well war can sometimes be an intrusion upon one's shopping. I believe that there is a fair, economical compromise in this situation that all could happily agree on.
So you believe in a peaceful resolution to the Magincian Question?
I believe in a fair resolution for all with no disruption of my shopping.
As an elected official, how would you support and strengthen ties with our allies in Zento and Ter Mur?
Aren't they run by ladies?
Yes. Queen Zhah and the Empress.
Shoe shopping! Nothing could be more diplomatic and yet carefully negotiated as a all-gals outing such as shoe shopping. I am, of course, being both literal and like totally metaphoricalsers?
I can see that.
I hate to beat a dead horse, but we do import excellent exotic items from those lands, and I would of course do everything to keep those lines of trade open.
Over the years, the Britannians have let many of its enemies slip through its clutches. Minax. Exodus. As an elected official, how would you deal with these threats to Britannian sovereignty?
Threats like those tend to be so overblown and tedious, to say nothing of unfashionable. For the good of Britannia, and for the good of all Soosaria, in fact, all peoples, Britannians and others, should come together and remove the unsightliness.
Speaking of all peoples, many Feluccans have felt disenfranchised and abandoned since the fall of Old Britannia. How would you reach out to the people of the Old World, as an elected official?
I so totally love Felucca. I dated there extensively, in fact, before I was marrieders, of course. Now, one of the first tasks of the Council must be to define what exactly is and is not Britannia. The cities, sure. But what about the roads? The wilds? The Shrines, of course, but what about the Feluccan shrines? I believe that Felucca is presently not considered Britannia. However, I say that we reach out to Felucca, and accept as allies those Feluccan peoples who would wish an Alliance with the Crown. And perhaps there are numbers who would still so totally claim their Britannian citizenshippers. Something should and must be done for them.
Isn't that a fabulous answer? Fern cares.
How would you deal with the recent interruptions to Britannian trade, including the growing Pirate threat?
Piracy is a growing phenomenon created in an unstable and inequitable global economy. Once the economy is shifted here and there, suddenly we find that there is a whole fleet of reputable businessmen and businesswomen with wares to sell. If they still totally want parrots and peglegs, more power to them!
As for the lady pirates, don't they all just know how to use clevage, that bunch? Yo-ho-ho!
Going to start a new trend?
I always start new trends. Fern is the face of fashion.
Do you believe in a more powerful Britannian government, or more power in the hands of the people?
I believe the movement to Council is indicative of a democratic trenders. Trust me, in no way am I looking for something as ridiculous as absolute power. It is hard enough for me to maintain absolute fabulousness. We should all work together on this.
How do you feel about Umbra's declaration of War on Magincia and House Tarrant?
I think the Umbrans were bored. We should help them spice up the Umbran nightlife, and maybe they won't have so much time on their hands.
How would you do that?
Bars, nightclubs, massage parlours. All necromantically themed. Lots of moody lighting. They have no singles scene, the poor things.
We will move on to some more personal questions. We'll start with ...where did you grow up?
Well, my address was Heartwood, but Mother adored travel! And all my schooling was with private tutors, who followed us around Sosaria. So I really grew up everywhere!
And what were the major themes of your ...education?
Fashion, Cosmetology, Etiquette, Astrophysics, International Law and Phytology.
Phytology?
Elves love planticles. I also studied Zoological Anatomy and Interpretive Dance.
Are you a practitioner of the Virtue Religion?
I am. Fern is all about spirituality. Fabulous inside, fabulous outside.
My sources tell me you are a ...Jewish Elf?
I am culturally part Jewish. It's like this beautiful Earthish religion.
Earth. You refer to the home of Lord British?
Totally! In her rebellious days, my grandmother went through some moongate or something and had a relationship with an Earth man.
So you are part Earthling?
I am. But all fabulous.
Some, such as the Duchess of Dawn, accuse you of being a loose woman and morally bankrupt. What do you say to this?
The Duchess would never accuse me of that! She is totally one of my bestest friends! But, she did say she has heard rumors.
Rumors?
Fern: That I am loose, or cheap. First of all, nothing about Fern is cheap. Nothing.
*Fern begins a short tirade on how she does admire a hot, sweaty man working in the fields with big ...arms.*
...or standing all sexy in his armor. But I have never been unfaithful during my marriage. Infidelity is messy and unfashionable. As for morally bankrupt, I visit the shrines weekly. I give generously to the needy, and I also follow some of my cultural Jewish spiritual practices as well.
You were recently responsible for bringing your husband, Nicholas, back from the dead. Necromancy has long been a crime in Britannia. Would this change under your leadership?
Well, bringing back Darling Nicky was not necromantical. It was Elven shamanistic magic. No different from the typical Britannian "An Corp." Just a little Elfy spin on it.
What is your profession, Lady Goodfellow? What do you do for a living.
Like work? I oversee a staff who manages Fernwood. I am a member of the Council of Golden and Fernwood. I do volunteer work. And I offer fashion advice!
And your husbands profession?
Nicholas is a very wealthy man. Like ancestral wealth. Old money.
There are rumors going about that your husband has multiple wives and mistresses. Is this true? And how do you feel about this?
I am the only woman currently married legally to Darling Nicky. As for allged mistresses, Darling Nicky is such an intense, deep thinking, cautiously acting man that in all seriousness, he wouldn't have time to be having an affair. He is very cerebral.
And for the record, your cup size?
Overflowing.
