i had a similar issue when i attempted to contact ea about lag that was absolutely not on my end. I would take 2 steps and lag for 10 seconds, yet i can play other much more demanding and newer games without any issue. I was told it was on my end and I considered closing my accounts as well. however for me it comes down to uo being the best mmorpg around. There is jsut something about this game that i love and i cant move on from it. (at least not until diablo3 comes out..at which point i see little reason to keep playing uo) ive tried wow, ive tried darkfall, ive tried *insert random game*. Uo is my favorite still. However if darkfall had a little more on the mage end i would seriously go to that game, but unfourently in the end game it seemed to me everyone would have the same character. i love the diversity of uo, I don't enjoy playing "cookie cutter" characters, or character that are limited to only cloth armor or staff weapons.
As for the pet thing and going red, i say either go red and be happy being a pker or dont pvp on a tamer... I play a lot of reds and while it has many mnay downsides i just love the fel ruleset. The times of spending an hour tryin to find a red healer are gone, and assuming you are not trying to solo pvp you should be fine. Solo pvpers typically need to play mages due to the control they offer. (chokes and such to trap over agressive dexxers). And if you are solo pvping try to get into a guild so you have some backup.
That being said i believe that if you say all guard me and then attack someone you wont go grey and will not take a count. However do not hold me to this as i don't pvp a tamer, i barely even pvm a tamer. I remember going grey and getting guard wacked when i sent a summoned daemon on someone grey, but when i tell it to guard me i didn't have the issue. I believe there should be no guard zones in fel aside from a very few selective areas. The faction town eliminating guard zone was the greatest thing of all time. However few people playing this game think the way i do, let alone play the way i do.
Anyways the best advice i can think of is to not pvp with a tamer, and like i said if you are solo playing and feel the need for all that extra power then perhaps you should try to find a guild to fight with. Uo has many flaws, and i believe it always has, but perhaps thats why i enjoy it so much.
