(RP) For Leithia: All About Tea

[Alouenikah]

hallo leithia and frends :]

amber witch has asked me to tech you how to make teas. i do not know why she thinks i am an expat on teas, i prefer coffe and canot make them, but amber is my frend so i will tell you everything i know insted. is it so in britania that fine rich ladies drink teas for every meal and that is how they are ladies? it seems to be such. (if you want to drink whisky or anything you will not be less of a lady to me, my mother drank a bowl of kvass every morning and nite all her life and it never did her any harm.) also i have drawn picturs for you to ilustrate, and if you make it to the end of this article, there is a suprise. :]
warning: there are picturs of me and i am not very pretty.

~*~

Aleenikah’s Guide to Teas

Section 1: Varities

what do you think of when you think of teas? do you think of a britanian brekfast tea with a teapot and those pretty china teacups? amber witch says you do not like the taste of tea, but did you know there are meny diferent types of teas! they come from all over the werld, and taste of all diferent things, including herbs and flurs (and some of them taste like bugs to me but i am told that is just because i am od). you can still drink them out of teacups becase teacups are attractive, and when pered with a nice tablecloth, they make any kitchen look betiful. :]

here are some varities of teas avelable in Britain. i went shoping just so i could tell you of them all.

Britanian Brekfast: this is most common sort of tea. you have probebly drank it meny times, maybe with scones or biskits, such as honey amond biskits or choclit chip cookies or shortbreds. or walnut clusters or fudge brownies. or vanila bean dippers or cinnamon ankruste or somthing lindee says is called a “Currant Tarrant” but i think he is lie. The reason i talk about all the biskits is becase there is nothing speciel to say about the tea. is normal tea. is sweet and mild. if you do not like it, maybe you need somthing stronger and more manly. there is also a Trinsic Brekfast that is apparently diferent but it tastes exactly the same, I do not understand.

Earl Grey: this tea is populer with rich people. it can be drank with lemon or milk, but i am told lemon is prefered and is said that if you drink it with milk, you are wrong and shuld not be drinking tea at all, you shuld be drinking some common drink like beer. i do not like this tea. it tastes like bugs and noblemen.

Yew Aromatic: this tea is disgusting. they say is good for you. i would rather be sick. It comes from yew and is full of herbs and bitters, but it tastes like stale wine. i think they bottle some old swamp water and sell it for profits. do not drink this tea, it will make you cry.

Lemon Tea: this tea is made with lemon jooce and served cold with mint and somtimes ginger. it comes from Skara Bree. it is nice, very refresh, but i do not know how people drink a lot of it becase it is acidic and makes my tung go furred. still it is a good tea. is much better than aromatic.

Northlands Peech: is peech tea from up past Yew. super sweet and delisious. you shuld try it.

Ilshenar Caravan: this is lie! is not anything like what you drink in an ilshenar caravan! (I will get to that in a minit.) is just a name given to make it sound exotik so britanians will pay more money for it. but apart from that, is nice. very flavourful, a bit spicy. i think you may like it if britanian breakfast is not nice enough for you.

Bukkaner’s Den Special: i drank this and one hour later i woke up in the Britain moat with all my money gone. :< i do not even think it was a tea at all. avoid.

~*~

next i will tell you about teas from all over the world. :]

 

[Alouenikah]

Section 2: Teas Arund the World

every nation has teas! i am only familier with ilshenar tea, umbra tea, britanian tea. for the purposes of this article i also bought some green tea from Tokuno so I culd tell you how it was. here is some cups so you see how we drink diferently. in order they are britanian teacup, ilshenari mug, umbrian challis and tokuno cups.

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let’s go on a tea safari! :]

*~*

Ilshenar

i grew up in a caravan in far north ilshenar. tea was an importent part of our lifes! we make speciel tea with cariboo milk and honey. is very very sweet! also very thick, it looks like cream and after we drink it all, we scupe out the dregs with a spoon. lots of people canot drink ilshenar tea, it makes them sick becase it is so heavy and full of sugars, but it makes us strong and better able to handle the cold. somtimes we sprinkle the tops with cinamon or sweet paprika. we don’t use cups or mugs, but big heavy clay bowls that we lift in our hands and drink from. the clay is thick enough so we do not burn ourselfs and the tea stays hot a long time, becase is so solid that somtimes it takes an hour to drink. here is a pictur of my mother and me drinking teas! (note: i am the litle one)

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when i first come to britania and see a teapot, i laugh at it! is such a funny thing.

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we make teas in a big urn called a samovar. this below is the samovar of my familija. each grup of us has one! normaly we have a plain one made of clay for everyday use, and then a big betiful one for when we get together and make nice with the other familijas. how it works is we put coals in the bely of the samovar and stoke a litle fire that boils the tea. this was our nice samovar, it was bigger than me when i was a child! sadly it was stolen by a juka. we somtimes got raided by jukas, they always tried to steal our things as trophys. :< i don’t think they even drink teas.

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Umbra
here is how i was introduced to umbrian tea.

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umbra tea is not actuelly bourbon or alcoholic. is mostly fruit tea because umbrian cuisin is very light and spicy. they chop up many apples and pears and nuts, and spices like cinnamon and nutmeg, and they stepe it for a very long time until is a sweet sirup. they mix it with goat milk and honey. is a bit similar to ilshenar tea but much lighter and sweeter. I like it very much. they serve it warm in the night times because the night gets very cold in Umbra. but the summers get very hot, and in this time they serve it cold. normally is just drank with meals, they do not just sit and drink tea like britanians and ilshenari do.

once over there i had a tea of garlic and pumpkin, is served when people are sick. It was very strange. not bad, but strange. Not almost as bad as Yew aromatic, ugh! they put funny things in their tea somtimes. they are always experimenting. if you are interest in teas, i think you shuld visit Umbra. do not go to a tea house, but find an old woman and tel her you are feling unwell, she will make teas for you and they will be real (it does not mater if she is a stranger, they are frendly over there, despite the stereotipes!)

~*~

next is britanian and tokuno tea, and then we are done! :]

 

[Alouenikah]

Britania

i tried many varities of tea at the west britain markets. it was an educasion! i recommend it for all. (markets are always amaze!) but before i had that idea, i went to a tea shop in britain to see if a local culd serve me real britanian tea. there was an old lady behind the conter. she only had one real eye, the other was glas and it pointed at the celing. there were lots of cats on the floor, some of them were moving. when she saw me she shouted “GYPSIE!” and brandished a fry pan at me. :<

i told her i ment her no harm becase i am not a bad man, and i said i was luking for a tea that was Classic Britanian. as in one that lots of peple drank, so much that you could say that it was THE tea of britania, yes? she said i was a theef and i would steal her spunes, but i am used to such so i just stood there jingling my gold coins until she stoped shouting and throwing things. why wuld i want her spunes? :< then she laughed like A KEE KEE KEE and said she has perfect tea, most populer in all britania, everbody drinks this tea! especially the ladies. i will like this tea, she says. so i buy the tea. she serves it to me in a litle cup and i take it outside becase i want to see the national drink of britanian ladies.

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with apologies to tarrant

i didn’t drink it.

~*~

Tokuno
i bought some green tea becase the man said it was helthy and good for losing weight.

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on the other hand it also gave me the runs so maybe you wont like it.

~*~

and that is all i have to tell you about teas. if you canot make teas, i think you shuld just go about and buy them all! you shuld go on a tea safari. it will make you so hapy and you will know much about teas if you try everthing i have mentioned on this page. plese give my regards to amber witch. :]

and as promised, here is your suprise!

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is a guard ponee doing what guards do best: ignoring the yatering as it burns the city down. :]

hugs and rainbers,

from Alouenikshudisgvidw

 

[Beldin Brightaxe]

Ah cannae understaun a word ae tha' !

Whit thae krut is a poynee?

 

[Alouenikah]

Ah cannae understaun a word ae tha' !
Whit thae krut is a poynee?

*stares for five minutes without blinking until he thinks he understands*

my britanian is bad :] i am sory for all the mistakes

a ponee is a ponee, like a litle horse! a litle fat horse.

what is "krut"?

 

[Beldin Brightaxe]

Thae krut...

Umm, it be like this...

We send oor dwarf beardlings oot tae tend thae goats oop in thae mountains. Sometimes thae lads git a bit lonely...

When they come back, they huv thae krut.

Callin' someone a kruti be sort ae like calling someone a fooker.

 

[Alouenikah]

Thae krut...
Umm, it be like this...
We send oor dwarf beardlings oot tae tend thae goats oop in thae mountains. Sometimes thae lads git a bit lonely...
When they come back, they huv thae krut.
Callin' someone a kruti be sort ae like calling someone a fooker.

o! *understands perfectly!* yes i realise it now. you see i grew up in mountans too! and i was too shy to talk to girls. then one day a boy came from the otside world and he was so prety, and now i see it! i have the krut. *radiates happiness* i have the krut!

thank you for teling me this story. i will give you a word in return! "shtepi." it means "goat" in my langage. the female form is shtepina. you want to insult sombody, you call them shteppish, it means they are bad-temper and smelly. :] i hope these words are useful to you