ZEDLAND Inc. News Alert!
Leaked Memo from Zelda the Lifeguard
Subject: UO DIVING CHAMPIONSHIPS Early Access & Shenanigans
To: Members of the Diving board!
—
Early access is live, I had no choice! If we want them in on the chaos, they need to haul their soggy selves to the first floor of the Pool House. Pool Boy George (yes, that’s what he wants to be called, don’t ask) has 10 gear bags ready.
Keyword: Fun — interpret that however your sequined soul desires.
Inside:
Limited-edition 2025 CHAMPIONSHIPS swimwear
Shiny new Riftbone drops (you're welcome - Courtesy of Zedland Inc.)
A blank book — They need to write their name in it like an adult and toss it in the mailbox out front to register. It's not that hard!
One lucky bag holds a brand-new pair of 200 Luck Boots. Try not to pass out from excitement or chlorine fumes, Madame Z approved the expense and promised to stop calling us spend thrifts. (evil grin)
The mayhem kicks off Friday at 8 PM EST, and it’s a full three-week cannonball-palooza.
Style points are real.
Dignity is… negotiable.
And lastly…
To whoever thought it’d be cute to release piranhas and electric eels into the pool — (looking directly at James and Scarlett, who’ve been acting suspiciously shady all week) — just know:
I’m installing cameras.
️ I will find you.
I will revoke your floaties so fast, your goggles will fog in protest.
And yes, I will post the footage online. With captions.
Stay salty, my friends,
Zelda: Lifeguard to the Stars
(Still the only one keeping this chlorine circus afloat.)
Leaked Memo from Zelda the Lifeguard
Subject: UO DIVING CHAMPIONSHIPS Early Access & Shenanigans
To: Members of the Diving board!
—
Early access is live, I had no choice! If we want them in on the chaos, they need to haul their soggy selves to the first floor of the Pool House. Pool Boy George (yes, that’s what he wants to be called, don’t ask) has 10 gear bags ready.
Keyword: Fun — interpret that however your sequined soul desires.
Inside:
Limited-edition 2025 CHAMPIONSHIPS swimwear
Shiny new Riftbone drops (you're welcome - Courtesy of Zedland Inc.)
A blank book — They need to write their name in it like an adult and toss it in the mailbox out front to register. It's not that hard!
One lucky bag holds a brand-new pair of 200 Luck Boots. Try not to pass out from excitement or chlorine fumes, Madame Z approved the expense and promised to stop calling us spend thrifts. (evil grin)
The mayhem kicks off Friday at 8 PM EST, and it’s a full three-week cannonball-palooza.
Style points are real.
Dignity is… negotiable.
And lastly…
To whoever thought it’d be cute to release piranhas and electric eels into the pool — (looking directly at James and Scarlett, who’ve been acting suspiciously shady all week) — just know:
I’m installing cameras.
️ I will find you.
I will revoke your floaties so fast, your goggles will fog in protest.
And yes, I will post the footage online. With captions.
Stay salty, my friends,
Zelda: Lifeguard to the Stars
(Still the only one keeping this chlorine circus afloat.)
