[Scene: The Zedland Pool – Tiki Bar] – Zelda the Lifeguard’s Revenge
Zelda The Lifeguard lounges in a bamboo chair, sunglasses on indoors, sipping something with way too many umbrellas in it. Madame Z, resplendent in her signature red-and-gold outfit and wielding a clipboard like a 100% elemental weapon forged in the fires of Mista, storms in like a caffeinated hurricane.
Madame Z:
Zelda. We need to talk.
And by “talk,” I mean “figure out why this silly diving extravaganza budget looks like the GDP of California.”
Zelda:
Oh, that? Don’t worry. It’s all totally necessary for morale, spectacle, entertainment, a good belly laugh, and… whatever other word lawyers like.
(Wiken, Blinken, and Nod—not your everyday lawyers.)
Madame Z:
Totally necessary? You’re giving away more money than I make in a year on pulled pork sandwiches—and people travel across realms for those!
Zelda:
Well, yes. And those sandwiches are funding the magic. You’re the patron saint of splashes, Madame Z.
Madame Z:
I looked at your budget. I am not paying for underwater fireworks, imported mirrors for James. Do you know what the tariff
would be for a mirror? Also, a new set of floaties for Scarlett, which you destroyed, let alone a “gold-plated lifeguard chair with quad stereo mood lighting.”
Zelda:
Oh, that’s fine. I’ll take those off the list. [sly grin]
Madame Z:
Good.
Zelda:
And replace them with something better. Like adding five million gold to each prize pack.
Madame Z:
You wouldn’t.
Zelda:
Oh, I absolutely would. In fact—clicks pen dramatically—done. Consider it my “thanks” for the feedback.
Madame Z:
Zelda… you’re insane.
Zelda:
And yet, somehow, still in charge of the pool… and now I’m judging you. Funny how life works.
Madame Z storms off in a blaze of ferocious anger, muttering about “lunatics with whistles… damn spendthrifts… using all my money to play in a fake pool… what is this world coming to?” Zelda just smirks, spins her whistle, and flips the prize board around to reveal her updated handiwork…
GRAND PRIZES – Awarded August 30th
(Sponsored by Madame Z—whether she likes it or not—of The Luna Café, who is definitely regretting funding this controlled chaos.)
1st Place:
25 Million GPS → NOPE! 30 Million GPS!
25 Riftborne Drops
Eternal bragging rights + a “Totally Worth It” glitter sticker (added just to annoy Madame Z)
2nd Place:
15 Million GPS → NOPE! 20 Million GPS!
15 Riftborne Drops
Bragging power slightly less obnoxious than 1st place, but still enough to ruin someone’s week
3rd Place:
10 Million GPS → NOPE! 15 Million GPS!
10 Riftborne Drops
The ability to forever mock those who “were totally gonna enter but didn’t”
4th & 5th Place:
5 Million GPS → NOPE! 10 Million GPS! each
5 Riftborne Drops each
“At least you didn’t drown” status — now worth twice as much thanks to Zelda’s pen
On a personal note… what I adore about all of you is that I can have a full-blown argument with myself, and I know you laughed — because you’re just as delightfully twisted as your host.
See you tonight, 8 PM EST — bosses permitting!
Zelda The Lifeguard lounges in a bamboo chair, sunglasses on indoors, sipping something with way too many umbrellas in it. Madame Z, resplendent in her signature red-and-gold outfit and wielding a clipboard like a 100% elemental weapon forged in the fires of Mista, storms in like a caffeinated hurricane.
Madame Z:
Zelda. We need to talk.
And by “talk,” I mean “figure out why this silly diving extravaganza budget looks like the GDP of California.”
Zelda:
Oh, that? Don’t worry. It’s all totally necessary for morale, spectacle, entertainment, a good belly laugh, and… whatever other word lawyers like.
(Wiken, Blinken, and Nod—not your everyday lawyers.)
Madame Z:
Totally necessary? You’re giving away more money than I make in a year on pulled pork sandwiches—and people travel across realms for those!
Zelda:
Well, yes. And those sandwiches are funding the magic. You’re the patron saint of splashes, Madame Z.
Madame Z:
I looked at your budget. I am not paying for underwater fireworks, imported mirrors for James. Do you know what the tariff
would be for a mirror? Also, a new set of floaties for Scarlett, which you destroyed, let alone a “gold-plated lifeguard chair with quad stereo mood lighting.”
Zelda:
Oh, that’s fine. I’ll take those off the list. [sly grin]
Madame Z:
Good.
Zelda:
And replace them with something better. Like adding five million gold to each prize pack.
Madame Z:
You wouldn’t.
Zelda:
Oh, I absolutely would. In fact—clicks pen dramatically—done. Consider it my “thanks” for the feedback.
Madame Z:
Zelda… you’re insane.
Zelda:
And yet, somehow, still in charge of the pool… and now I’m judging you. Funny how life works.
Madame Z storms off in a blaze of ferocious anger, muttering about “lunatics with whistles… damn spendthrifts… using all my money to play in a fake pool… what is this world coming to?” Zelda just smirks, spins her whistle, and flips the prize board around to reveal her updated handiwork…
GRAND PRIZES – Awarded August 30th
(Sponsored by Madame Z—whether she likes it or not—of The Luna Café, who is definitely regretting funding this controlled chaos.)
1st Place:
25 Million GPS → NOPE! 30 Million GPS!
25 Riftborne Drops

2nd Place:
15 Million GPS → NOPE! 20 Million GPS!
15 Riftborne Drops

3rd Place:
10 Million GPS → NOPE! 15 Million GPS!
10 Riftborne Drops

4th & 5th Place:
5 Million GPS → NOPE! 10 Million GPS! each
5 Riftborne Drops each

On a personal note… what I adore about all of you is that I can have a full-blown argument with myself, and I know you laughed — because you’re just as delightfully twisted as your host.
See you tonight, 8 PM EST — bosses permitting!