ATTENTION, BRITANNIA AND BEYOND!
(Yes, even you—the one who belly-flopped trying out the pool, the water had to be re-blessed with sage and holy water.)
As of this dramatic moment, I have exactly TWO brave souls signed up for the diving competition:
James — “Probably Practicing in a Mirror”
8-Ball — “May or May Not Be a Dolphin in Disguise”
The rest of you?
Mysteriously silent.
Funny how you moved at light speed for the freebies the other day, but now? Crickets.
Are you scared? Did you forget? Or are you still “organizing your packs”—aka staring into your bank box like it’s the abyss and the abyss is winning?
BOOKS ARE DUE BY 7 PM EST
Turn them in on time, or your dive will be met with a slow clap, a dramatic sigh, and that special brand of Zelda disappointment that lingers like chlorine in your hair.
Boss run? Still happening.
Yes, you can slay monsters and bellyflop in front of your peers. If diving starts a few minutes late, no biggie—everyone will still get their shot at glory, shame, and the leaderboard.
REMINDER: YOU ACTUALLY WANT THESE PRIZES
GRAND PRIZES – Awarded August 30th
1st Place:
25 Million GPS
25 Riftborne Drops
Also: eternal bragging rights and a possible sticker (no, really)
2nd Place:
15 Million GPS
15 Riftborne Drops
Slightly less bragging, still very shiny
3rd Place:
10 Million GPS
10 Riftborne Drops
Bragging rights over everyone who “meant to sign up but forgot”
4th & 5th Place:
5 Million GPS
5 Riftborne Drops
For showing up and trying not to create a tsunami
So unless you want to be remembered as “the one who bailed on diving for a taming scroll,” I’d suggest you get that book in STAT.
This is your moment. Own the splash. Or at least don’t concuss yourself on the way down.
– Zelda the Lifeguard
(Still clutching the clipboard. Still judging. Still watching. Possibly sipping from a glittery thermos.)
(Yes, even you—the one who belly-flopped trying out the pool, the water had to be re-blessed with sage and holy water.)
As of this dramatic moment, I have exactly TWO brave souls signed up for the diving competition:
James — “Probably Practicing in a Mirror” 8-Ball — “May or May Not Be a Dolphin in Disguise”The rest of you?
Mysteriously silent.
Funny how you moved at light speed for the freebies the other day, but now? Crickets.
Are you scared? Did you forget? Or are you still “organizing your packs”—aka staring into your bank box like it’s the abyss and the abyss is winning?
BOOKS ARE DUE BY 7 PM EST
Turn them in on time, or your dive will be met with a slow clap, a dramatic sigh, and that special brand of Zelda disappointment that lingers like chlorine in your hair.
Boss run? Still happening.
Yes, you can slay monsters and bellyflop in front of your peers. If diving starts a few minutes late, no biggie—everyone will still get their shot at glory, shame, and the leaderboard.
REMINDER: YOU ACTUALLY WANT THESE PRIZES
GRAND PRIZES – Awarded August 30th
1st Place:
25 Million GPS
25 Riftborne Drops
Also: eternal bragging rights and a possible sticker (no, really)2nd Place:
15 Million GPS
15 Riftborne Drops
Slightly less bragging, still very shiny3rd Place:
10 Million GPS
10 Riftborne Drops
Bragging rights over everyone who “meant to sign up but forgot”4th & 5th Place:
5 Million GPS
5 Riftborne Drops
For showing up and trying not to create a tsunamiSo unless you want to be remembered as “the one who bailed on diving for a taming scroll,” I’d suggest you get that book in STAT.
This is your moment. Own the splash. Or at least don’t concuss yourself on the way down.
– Zelda the Lifeguard
(Still clutching the clipboard. Still judging. Still watching. Possibly sipping from a glittery thermos.)
