Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your Daddy’s. We were in that Jhelom pit of hell over five years together. Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Daddy were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Pain would be talkin’ right now to my son Jim. But the way it worked out is I’m talkin’ to you, Butch. I got somethin’ for you. This hack I got here was first downloaded by your great-granddaddy.
It was downloaded during the First Moongate War in a hax site based in Knoxville, Tenessee. It was downloaded by Doughboy the Pwner the day he installed UO. It was your great-granddaddy's hack, made by the first hacker to ever make UO hacks. You see, up until then, people just *chuckles* played the game normally. Your great-granddaddy use this hack every day he was in the game. Then when he had done his pwning, he logged off to your great-grandmother, took the hack off his comp and put it an ol’ floppy disk. And in that disk it stayed ’til your grandfather Death Incarnate was called upon by his guild to go to Fel and fight the PKers once again.
This time they called it The Yew Moongate massacre. Your great-granddaddy gave it to your granddad for good pwnnage. Unfortunately, Death Incarnate's luck wasn’t as good as his old man’s. Your granddad was a Blue and he was killed with all the other Blues at the battle of Orge Lord Island. Your granddad was facing stat loss and he knew it. None of the other blues had any illusions about ever leavin’ that island alive. So three minutes before the PKers took the island, your 22-year old grandfather asked a stealther named Dontseeme, a man he had never met before in his life, to email to his infant son, who he had never seen in the game, his awesome hack.
Three minutes later, your grandfather was pwned. But Dontseeme kept his word. After the massacre was over, he IMed your grandmother, emailing to your infant father, his Dad’s hack. This hack. This hack was on your Daddy’s comp when he outran an Expl/Ebolted near a GM. He was caught and put in a jail. Now he knew if the GMs ever saw the hack he'd be banned. The way your Daddy looked at it, that hack was your birthright. And he’d be damned if any GMs were gonna put their hands on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hid something. His portable harddrive. Five long hours, he hid his hack on his portable harddrive. Then when he died to dexxers, he emailed me the hack. I hid this venerable mass of code in my harddrive for two hours. Then, after seven hours, I was freed from jail to my guildies. And now, little man, I give the hack to you.
