There was a loud thumping in my head. No, there was a loud thumping on my door, which was aggravating the thumping in my head.
“WHAT!”
“Pigeon”
“WHAT?”
“Carrier Pigeon”
The door swung open without a creak thankfully. In strode the house scribe. He was tall and thin. I could not remember his name. He bowed slightly, ever so slightly, I don’t think he likes me, and because I don’t have a PHD from a university, he doesn’t respect me either. He leaned forward and handed me a small piece of paper. Then he turned and shut the door with a purposeful loud bang.
I sat up in bed and looked at the note. In spidery elven it read:
D’anthe
At Britain Graveyard, overrun with undead bone walkers. Come quick.
Dagda
I grumbled and picked up clothes and armor scattered around the room. I am not a tidy house keeper. Hmm maybe I should hire a house keeper… no, focus.
I went to the foyer stomping towards the door. Pie sat on a couch before the fire with a cup of something in each hand. He lifted one up towards me I grabbed it in passing. And mumbled a sullen thanks. Took a sip… thank the gods of Britannia coffee!
I grabbed my horse, touched the portal and said “Britain Mint Please” and I was in Britain, coffee and horse reigns in one hand and my other still outstretched as if I was touching the portal.
I saddled up and galloped through town past the castle, north into the woods and to the graveyard. I pulled out my holy sword and charged into the very center of the graveyard. Nothing. No one, no creatures, no Dagda, just silence. Not quite silence, almost the sound was like a xylophone. I trotted west shield up and sword at the ready.
I came within sight of the western iron fence of the grave yard. Skeletons, zombies and other creatures were pressed against the iron fence apparently not able to breach it due to magic I did not know. On the other side about ten feet from the fence sat Dagda on her high horse. As quickly as she could she pulled arrows out of her quiver and launched them at the undead on the other side of the fence. Every so often she hit something that held a skeleton together and it would fall into a pile of bones. Thus the sound of the xylophone as bone hit bone in the collapse.
The undead were fixated on Dagda, who mocked them and kept their attention. I got off my horse and in silence slipped up close and started dispatching them from behind. Dagda’s relentless line of arrows was knocking them down quicker than I could detach skulls from frames. In short order they were all dispatched.
“Hello D’anthe”
“Hello Dagda” I said and smiled.
“What’s up pumpkin carver? “
Just then a red tailed hawk dropped out of the sky and landed on Dagda’s shoulder. The River Rangers’ signature message carriers. Dagda is enrolled in that group and their leader Okami is a friend of mine. Dagda undid the clip and unrolled the message from the bird’s leg. Hmm her lips didn’t move when she scanned the message. She looked up.
“Okami has invited us to kill some spiders”.
Pictures of Okami standing on a chair as some cob-webber scuttled across the floor came to mind and were dismissed. Wait. Review, oh so amusing, but still improbable, so dismissed again.
“Spiders?”
Dagda nodded. “Probably Big Spiders”
“Shall we?” Dagda asked.
I shrugged and turned my mount towards Britain I had a kryss in the bank that had cob-killer etched in runes upon its length.
It took longer than it should but we got to the glade where the River Rangers headquarters were located. Okami, Erollisi, T’sirim, Lennox, were there. I am sure they had been waiting for us and not necessarily that patiently.
We are going to Moonglow in Felucca announced Okami.
We all ported to the mint and were led to the small hedge maze and teleported to the mage shops near the north end of the island, and then with a softly spoken "recdu", down into the underworld we went.
“Where are we going?”
“The Terrathan Keep” said Okami.
I stopped to look at some gems for a second and they were out of sight. It had been a while and I promptly got lost and on top of that ended up at the Ophidian keep not the Terathan keep. The mind plays tricks… what can I say. Eventually I found Okami and, the others who gave me a look I wish I could say was new but was altogether too familiar. You know the look, where the hell have you been look, silly Roberto look. And we proceeded to go in.
There was a besieging force of Ophidians. The Terrathans probably cheered as we cut our way toward their fortress. But whatever hope our appearance had sprung quickly deflated as we cut our way through them as well. Down into the bowels of their keep we went and appeared in a plaza next to a swamp.
“It never occurred to me that the Spider God altar would be here” Said Okami.
Altar?
Spiders?
At that Okami planted a beacon on the altar and all hell broke loose. Every scorpion, spider, and terathan within a mile came scurrying towards us with our deaths as their intent. It was gruesome, it was horrific, and it was gooey green ichor gore filled.
I sliced the front two legs on the right side of a Terathan Matriarch off. She fell screaming clutching a figurine and yelling out a name. “LO PAN!”
Lo Pan… I knew that name didn’t I? Oh Crap I did know that name. An Ancient Chinese Lich who consorted with demons. Suddenly he was among us. He had one henchman with him someone called boneyboy? It does not matter he brushed us off and threw us out of the temple lightning surrounded me. Here I was and all I had was a spider killer kryss. I quickly found out the blade had no effect on Lo Pan.
I woke up, stood up. A sword plunged into my chest. I woke up, stood up. Lighting enveloped me. This went on for a while.
Somewhere along the way I lost a ring, and a lot of stuff in my backpack now sits on the altar of the Spider God as trophies.
Finally I just lay there and did my best impression of a dead person. Lo Pan moved on searching the temple for my friends who had wisely departed. I am sure they have thier own tales to tell of that encounter.
I picked myself up brushed myself off and headed towards the door.
“Stop!”
I looked behind and Lo Pan Sat there on his horrific mount. He looked at me with heavily lidded eyes.
“Ah… Roberto”
“Lo Pan”
“You know you are cursed”
“I know Lo Pan”
“There isn’t any point in my killing you again is there Roberto?”
I shrugged. “Not really”
Blue lightning enveloped me and I heard. “But is very enjoyable”
I woke up, I stood up.
Lo Pan was gone. I made my way home. I was reminded of the title of an old tale.
“The evil that is Lo Pan”
“WHAT!”
“Pigeon”
“WHAT?”
“Carrier Pigeon”
The door swung open without a creak thankfully. In strode the house scribe. He was tall and thin. I could not remember his name. He bowed slightly, ever so slightly, I don’t think he likes me, and because I don’t have a PHD from a university, he doesn’t respect me either. He leaned forward and handed me a small piece of paper. Then he turned and shut the door with a purposeful loud bang.
I sat up in bed and looked at the note. In spidery elven it read:
D’anthe
At Britain Graveyard, overrun with undead bone walkers. Come quick.
Dagda
I grumbled and picked up clothes and armor scattered around the room. I am not a tidy house keeper. Hmm maybe I should hire a house keeper… no, focus.
I went to the foyer stomping towards the door. Pie sat on a couch before the fire with a cup of something in each hand. He lifted one up towards me I grabbed it in passing. And mumbled a sullen thanks. Took a sip… thank the gods of Britannia coffee!
I grabbed my horse, touched the portal and said “Britain Mint Please” and I was in Britain, coffee and horse reigns in one hand and my other still outstretched as if I was touching the portal.
I saddled up and galloped through town past the castle, north into the woods and to the graveyard. I pulled out my holy sword and charged into the very center of the graveyard. Nothing. No one, no creatures, no Dagda, just silence. Not quite silence, almost the sound was like a xylophone. I trotted west shield up and sword at the ready.
I came within sight of the western iron fence of the grave yard. Skeletons, zombies and other creatures were pressed against the iron fence apparently not able to breach it due to magic I did not know. On the other side about ten feet from the fence sat Dagda on her high horse. As quickly as she could she pulled arrows out of her quiver and launched them at the undead on the other side of the fence. Every so often she hit something that held a skeleton together and it would fall into a pile of bones. Thus the sound of the xylophone as bone hit bone in the collapse.
The undead were fixated on Dagda, who mocked them and kept their attention. I got off my horse and in silence slipped up close and started dispatching them from behind. Dagda’s relentless line of arrows was knocking them down quicker than I could detach skulls from frames. In short order they were all dispatched.
“Hello D’anthe”
“Hello Dagda” I said and smiled.
“What’s up pumpkin carver? “
Just then a red tailed hawk dropped out of the sky and landed on Dagda’s shoulder. The River Rangers’ signature message carriers. Dagda is enrolled in that group and their leader Okami is a friend of mine. Dagda undid the clip and unrolled the message from the bird’s leg. Hmm her lips didn’t move when she scanned the message. She looked up.
“Okami has invited us to kill some spiders”.
Pictures of Okami standing on a chair as some cob-webber scuttled across the floor came to mind and were dismissed. Wait. Review, oh so amusing, but still improbable, so dismissed again.
“Spiders?”
Dagda nodded. “Probably Big Spiders”
“Shall we?” Dagda asked.
I shrugged and turned my mount towards Britain I had a kryss in the bank that had cob-killer etched in runes upon its length.
It took longer than it should but we got to the glade where the River Rangers headquarters were located. Okami, Erollisi, T’sirim, Lennox, were there. I am sure they had been waiting for us and not necessarily that patiently.
We are going to Moonglow in Felucca announced Okami.
We all ported to the mint and were led to the small hedge maze and teleported to the mage shops near the north end of the island, and then with a softly spoken "recdu", down into the underworld we went.
“Where are we going?”
“The Terrathan Keep” said Okami.
I stopped to look at some gems for a second and they were out of sight. It had been a while and I promptly got lost and on top of that ended up at the Ophidian keep not the Terathan keep. The mind plays tricks… what can I say. Eventually I found Okami and, the others who gave me a look I wish I could say was new but was altogether too familiar. You know the look, where the hell have you been look, silly Roberto look. And we proceeded to go in.
There was a besieging force of Ophidians. The Terrathans probably cheered as we cut our way toward their fortress. But whatever hope our appearance had sprung quickly deflated as we cut our way through them as well. Down into the bowels of their keep we went and appeared in a plaza next to a swamp.
“It never occurred to me that the Spider God altar would be here” Said Okami.
Altar?
Spiders?
At that Okami planted a beacon on the altar and all hell broke loose. Every scorpion, spider, and terathan within a mile came scurrying towards us with our deaths as their intent. It was gruesome, it was horrific, and it was gooey green ichor gore filled.
I sliced the front two legs on the right side of a Terathan Matriarch off. She fell screaming clutching a figurine and yelling out a name. “LO PAN!”
Lo Pan… I knew that name didn’t I? Oh Crap I did know that name. An Ancient Chinese Lich who consorted with demons. Suddenly he was among us. He had one henchman with him someone called boneyboy? It does not matter he brushed us off and threw us out of the temple lightning surrounded me. Here I was and all I had was a spider killer kryss. I quickly found out the blade had no effect on Lo Pan.
I woke up, stood up. A sword plunged into my chest. I woke up, stood up. Lighting enveloped me. This went on for a while.
Somewhere along the way I lost a ring, and a lot of stuff in my backpack now sits on the altar of the Spider God as trophies.
Finally I just lay there and did my best impression of a dead person. Lo Pan moved on searching the temple for my friends who had wisely departed. I am sure they have thier own tales to tell of that encounter.
I picked myself up brushed myself off and headed towards the door.
“Stop!”
I looked behind and Lo Pan Sat there on his horrific mount. He looked at me with heavily lidded eyes.
“Ah… Roberto”
“Lo Pan”
“You know you are cursed”
“I know Lo Pan”
“There isn’t any point in my killing you again is there Roberto?”
I shrugged. “Not really”
Blue lightning enveloped me and I heard. “But is very enjoyable”
I woke up, I stood up.
Lo Pan was gone. I made my way home. I was reminded of the title of an old tale.
“The evil that is Lo Pan”
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