Many of you will remember a time on Siege when the bards, the wordsmiths, the scribes, and the occasional drunk with much to say, would gather together. My earliest memory of this was at the tavern in Wintermoor. It would move from town to town, but eventually found a permanent home in the Golden Unicorn of Wispwood Shire. Sadly, the Unicorn fell and passed into history some time ago, but last night, several of us gathered to prove that anything can be resurrected on Siege if there's a will!
Last night, at The Tortured Elf, with Lady Hoffs as our almost-gracious host, tales and jokes were told, words were rhymed, ale was drunk, snowballs and pies were thrown, and a good time was had by all!
And so, without further ado, here are the works that were presented!
It concerns a rich merchant who lived North of Vesper, not far from Windermere Wood.
One day the merchant summoned his chief servant and instructed him to travel into Vesper and procure some stores.
The servant readied the two sturdiest packhorses and duly made his way to the market.
In those days, the Vesper marketplace was situated on the mainland just to the West of the city, near where the Ironwood Inn and the Governor office now stand.
After spending some time gathering the provisions,the servant felt himself knocked from behind.
Upon turning around he beheld the cowled, skeletal figure of Death, with its boney arms raised menacingly above its head.
Dropping all that he had, and knocking down several stalls in his panic, the servant ran madly through the islands of Vesper and thence into the woods.
At length, he arrived back at the Merchant's house where he collapsed exhausted at the owner's feet. When he had recovered sufficient energy, he raised his head to speak.
"Master, Master," he pleaded, "Whilst in the market I was attacked by Death himself!
I beg that you lend me your fastest charger so I may ride far away to Trinsic this night, and there take refuge with my cousin."
The merchant, a shrewd judge of character, looked into his servant's eyes and discerned the veracity therein. And being a kindly soul, he did indeed give him the horse, with instructions that he should ride henceforth and return in three days' time.
Pausing only to fill a small bag of supplies, the servant climbed upon the steed and raced away to Trinsic via Minoc and Britain.
Once the servant had fled, the merchant saddled another horse and traveled into Vesper himself. Upon his arrival at the marketplace, the packhorses and goods were returned to him, for he was well known and respected throughout the area.
Whilst loading the animals, in the distance he descried the dark-robed form of Death.
Filled with curiosity, the merchant bravely marched up to the figure and challenged him.
"Death," he intoned, "why did you accost my servant earlier today?"
The dark body turned to face him and the voice spoke in a hoarse, forbidding whisper.
"Attack your ssservant you sssay?
I did no sssuch thing.
I merely raissed my armss in sssurprise at ssseeing him here.
For I have an appointment with him tonight....
....in Trinsssic."
How to follow that? Twas no easy task, but I did it.
But, even as they slip away into legend, so too did those who came before them.
Aye, before the Knights, there were others. Here is one of their tales.
The balron rose, his freedom won,
yet gnawing on a fallen stallion,
set about the knight, that battered knight,
last of his mighty battalion
So the balron roared, defiant fiend,
his challengers splayed, a bloody fount,
with cracked skulls and broken limbs,
we’ve spoke of the half-eaten mount.
Born of abyss flame, and witches wail,
Ye knights or high mages be damned!
No sword or steel, no conjured gale,
can withstand this dark beast’s wrath
Beneath his great and cloven feet,
Lie the remains of his battered foe,
For the balron rose, and man shall fall,
Bodies rent, blow by blow.
I am Balron and death is my lord.
I am death’s warrior, behold my claw!
Now fear the teeth and claw
Which need to bleed you dry
Believe bold ones and fear
The beast’s bloodlust is no lie
Bile flows down its chin,
This hell-spawned kin,
No angel from heaven’s sky,
No angel uses bat-wings to fly!
Tis one of a horde, a darkened horde,
Born in fires lit long afore I or thee.
It’s joy is fear, fear that binds,
Your torment it loves to see.
It laughs as you writhe,
laughs consumed with glee,
It sneers, it crows, mocking your fall,
Awaiting your final terrified plea!
I am Balron and death is my lord.
I am death’s warrior, now fear my claw!
The Balron basked in the glow
Of the Abyss fires flickering around.
He’d lain waste to these hedge knights,
Who’d hoped to fell him to the ground.
Now wading through their blood,
As it flowed from them like wine,
He rejoiced, and took a sip,
Of that dark vintage, not of the vine,
He’d blessed them with pain and fear.
“Your pain brings me power!” he thought
“Suffer, suffer, as you go, little fools,”
“And next time bring a better sword!”
Nearby, a page boy did cower.
As the Balron towered dark and tall
in that cavern of blood, sweat and gloom,
life near the end now, no hope, none at all.
I am Balron, and death is my lord!
I am death’s warrior, now feel my claw!
High the Balron hefted the terrified lad,
Far above his dripping maw.
Laughing, drooling, savouring the lad’s fear,
As he hung, far, far from the floor.
A ghoulish grin upon that vile face,
He’d break him, flay him, and more.
These plans most dark grew apace,
But! Then came crashing upon that place!
A rumble! A thundering! A mighty shout!
The room was filled with blue and flashing steel!
Swirling spells struck the darkened lout,
As knights stuck the Balron with zeal!
Spells flew, swords struck, an arrow pierced its snout!
As the page boy dived, and hooves did wheel,
And Excalibur brought the balron to rout,
Today that boy’d be no beast’s meal.
I am Balron, and death is my lord!
You’ll not slay me – behold my claw!
Those knights of the table round
Reduced the dread Balron to naught.
Their swords, their spears, Myrwddin’s spells,
Made it curse and cry as they fought.
But no match was it for the sword of the just,
No match, and yet still, it thought
That it might see victory that day
Against King Arthur’s court.
Fool of a Balron! Fool of a fiend!
A pike is all your schemes have wrought.
Upon that pike, your head now rests.
Your schemes and power all for naught.
That page boy, Arthur did indeed rescue,
For twas he that Myrwddin had sought,
To one day lead new Knights, guard the land,
Pageboy Py’d be the land’s last resort.
I was Balron, and death is my lord!
I was death’s warrior, now gone to my reward!
The knights are gone now, KRT,
Lord British broke the table round.
The knights are gone now, KSS,
But virtue still abounds.
New knights will come soon, patience, wait…
Light and Silver, they will come… listen for their sound!
Hard to believe, nowadays, that balrons were once one of the greatest threats in this land.
*shrugs*
In any case, next up was a tale of a name from Siege's past. Tigsalot the Great! Once and Future King of the Iron Claw Empire!
ICE were elves before there were elves,and they did not get along with humans.
So that you may know how this story goes
Far from the normal paths of men.
He sniffed about, but then did shout,
Bah! I smell one of human ken.
His mare pranced high, the Elf did sigh,
Ill neer let humans travel nigh.
Well meat for you, my nightmare true!
A human male makes snacks for two!
When from the desert came a jingling,
A lusty, loud bass voice was singing,
HO HO HO! Merry Christmas lad!
Ive arrived! My reindeer clad
In harness still, our time was such.
I wish to bring your Elf kin much!
Elf made gifts from the North Pole!
Whats this?? You rate a lump of coal?
Tigsalot, this cannot be!
I thought you ruled by high decree!
What deed has brought you to this place
Where coal would suit your lack of grace?
Santa Claus, it must be known,
Its true, our empires greatly grown.
Intruders did invade our land
And when they fought, I took my hand
And smote them down, for we would see
Our Elf lands free from enemy.
But now with war throughout the land,
Our King and humans formed a band.
What Ho?!, said Santa, quite alarmed.
My reindeer team must not be harmed!
We will give thee passage free,
And milk and cookies left for thee.
For Santa you are welcome here.
Your Elves and reindeer need not fear.
Our clan delights to see your sleigh.
Thanks for stopping on your way!
What ho, my Lad!, did Santa say.
A new leaf oer turned today!
Next year instead of lumps of coal
To bring you presents is my goal!
And so the kindly Santa waved,
And drove his reindeer harnessed sleigh.
Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas all,
Human, Elf kin, old or small!
I'd been thinking of Tigsalot a fair bit lately, if only because Razz has started to develop certain habits that remind me of him! Our next work was also of a seasonal nature!
Clad in only his night shirt and cap he looked over the cribs and small beds with the baby Wyrms, Drakes, Dragons, Greater Dragons, all curled and cover in bed.
Their dreams this evening of the hord of gold old St Nick would bring them this night.
With a yawn he turns to go to his own bed when he heard a Click, click off in the distance.
Thinking "what could that be?", he wonders over to his vault,
Click, Click he once more hears.
This time from the other side of the vault door, turning the knob, he opened the door looking around inside its dark room he once more hears, Click, Click.
"What can that be?" he wonders.
Click, Click, once more then a squeak of hinges this time.
That sound he knew - a chest had been opened.
With a roar the Ancient Wyrm spat fire at the torches within the vault
and said with a curse ready, "Who dares enters my vault on this very special night?"
A small voice off in a very dark corner says, "Santa Mouse, la."
Santa Mouse? Could it be? No it couldnt, Santa was by all the tales a man, a human, but a mouse, ney it could not be.
"Showed thyself Santa Mouse!", the Ancient Wyrm bellows, again flames fly from its mouth as it looks all around the huge vault.
"I am here, la", comes the small voice under his feet.
Quick as he could he turns, his flames fire and he hits his tail.
With a curse on his lips he bellows once more,
"Why are you here Santa Mouse?"
Again the small voice answers him, just under his feet.
"Why I am here? To be sure that all have a equal share of the hoard this evening la.
To be sure that all will have fair and equal shares, I am checking your vault amount, la."
"My Amount?" The Ancient Wyrm asked, why would it be necessary to do such a thing?
"Well it be known that you have the largest of the hoards among all the Dragons, la.
And when St Nicks drops off his gifts to the others he wishes to be sure that they receive it and not end up in here, la.
Besides do you know by count what you have here, la."
"What!" Fire once more lit the room,
"No I have no idea of the amount I have here, only that its is mine and not anyone elses!"
He felt something climbing up under his nightshirt.
With twists and turns he sought to dislodge this climber but failed.
His movements were too slow to catch this nimble climber.
Soon it was on his head, he felt it march across his head,
He saw a flash of red as it climbed down and across his face to stand before his very eyes. It was a mouse dressed in red.
With a squeak "I am Santa Mouse, la". He whips out a book, on it are the words, Bad List.
"So far you are just border lined for your name in this book, a list Santa checks twice a day, la. Now if you wish to be sure to stay out of it, la You best changes your ways, la".
With a look of worry the Ancient Wyrm says. "No no I will be good, please be sure to tell Santa."
With a nod to the Ancient Wyrm, Santa Mouse leaps off the top of his face to a large gold pile below, and as slick as a rat, vanishes within the gold pile.
The Ancient Wyrm turns to lumber off to his bed, his thoughts this evening are not on Santa, but Santa Mouse.
The next morning shouts of glee and happiness awake the Ancient one, all of the other dragons are so proud of the hoard under their feet, each with a card that reads, "Merry Christmas AW. la".
With a worry look he rushes to check his vault, and just as he is about to open it he hears prancing and pawing of little hoofs, and a great shout,
"Now!Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer and Vixen, On Comet, on! Cupid, on! Donder and Blitzen, Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."
As he opens his vault he at shock to see that his hoard is double the size and on top is a huge card that reads. "Merry Christmas, la"!
The end
This was followed, as might be expected in these turbulent times, by a political message. But, it was from Kelmo, so nobody minded, and the barkeep continued to get richer.
*smiles*
I hope all attending have a marvelous time. Please continue to support community events.
I am here to announce I am running for the Office of King.
As King I will conduct regular meetings with the Governors and all concerned citizens.
These meetings will be held though out the month at various times to accommodate as many citizens as possible.
My very special press agent Luka will record our meetings. We will publicly post these meetings for all to see.
I will do my best to work through proper channels and attempt to promote Siege thoughts, ideas and suggestions.
I promise to keep an open mind but I am very conservitive as far as changing the rules of Siege. We all deserve a voice.
I also promise to help support all community minded events to the best of my abilities.
I hope we have a full slate of govenors to work with. Please consider running for office.
Thank you for your time. I have opened my campaign headquarters very near Brit Gate. Drop by and leave a message! I hear you!
One last comment... Has anyone else noticed that there are no less than four King Blackthornes standing in a zombie like trance?
*smiles*
Kelmo made a fine mayor for many a sheep's age, so he has my vote for king! Hold on... do you vote for kings? I thought they pulled swords out of stones. More on that later. For now, here's something completely different!
WRONG
In Wrong, Dessy hunted with Fred
When Fred noticed Dessy was dead
So Fred cast a rez
To try and help Des
But flamestriked his own ass instead!
SOULSEEKER
I took up my trusty soulseeker
To bash humanoids who were weaker
But I soon came a cropper
To a great big orc chopper
And came back alive but much meeker
VESPER
There once was a tamer called Lester
Who went seeking love throughout Vesper
He found a sweet filly
He thought was called Jilly
But t'was a crossdresser called Chester!
The room grew still once the laughter faded. I've never liked a still room, so I pulled out an older scroll. Some of you may have heard this one when I first wrote it, some may not. In any case, here is...
and the two miners glared at each other.
The others shuffled their feet,
or expressed extreme interest in the contents of their drinks.
The deathly silence was broken, as Fjorkson the bald slammed his tankard down on the table,
showering the others with ale.
"How DARE thee, thou illegitimate son of a cross-bred mongbat!"
He bellowed at Kairn across the table.
"I gained that gold through perseverance,
and many weeks of hard toil in the worst mining areas known to man!
That thou would accuse me of stealing, or mere good luck -
I will not have the cow-dung of your words slung at my good name!"
Kairn gave him a cold look, and slowly applauded.
"Bravo, shiny headed one, bravo.
There are not many who can give as convincing a display of anger as you.
Why, the bar-dwellers behind you are leaving in their droves!
Bravo. Still, you have given me no cause to believe a word you say.
That you would have the nerve to even enter Wrong dungeon,
let alone venture to it's depths,
is a tale that I would only believe after several casks of the finest ale,
and, while there may well be great treasure down there,
to have me believe that thou, of all people,
would be able to drag chest upon chest of it up past all the creatures that dwell there,
and escape without a single scratch - nay, come now!
Simply admit that thou has spun a fine tale,
and it has relieved our boredom for this night, and be done with it!"
"I shall do no such thing, Kairn." growled Fjorkson.
"However, I shall give thee a choice.
Thou can kiss the flat of mine hammer outside the back door
of this fine establishment, or thou can accompany me back into the depths,
to give me the chance to prove the virtue of my words."
At this, Kairn, quite impressively, shot ale out his nose.
"Well, Kairn, which shall it be?
At least allow me the chance to avenge my good name against thy slurs,
one way or another. I am happy to reshape thy head with this hammer,
or to spend a day or three putting up with thee underground.
Take thy pick, or bring thy pick - it makes no difference to me!"
"Ah, well done again, oh moon-domed one!" laughed Kairn
"I now have the choice of being struck down by a far larger,
stronger man than myself, or venturing into the darkness with either
a liar or a lunatic!
I can be humiliated and bloodied outside,
or face almost certain death in Wrong. Well played, indeed!
But, I am no coward. I shall call thy bluff. I choose to accompany thee,
on the condition that these fine gentlemen here accompany us to the entry point,
and wait outside. I wish them to bear witness that I did not flee in terror,
as thou are bound to suggest,
and that thou do actually enter this vile place of which you speak!
I would not ask them to accompany us within, that would not be fair to them."
Fjorkson beamed. "Tomorrow, then, we ride!" he laughed.
"Barkeep! A round for my friends here, on me!"
Kairn looked nervous.
No miner in their right mind ventured into Wrong,
and certainly not with a huge smile on their face.
What was going on here?
Still, he had seen the huge pile of treasures in Fjorkson's house -
a dozen pack mules, aided by as many beetles,
could not have carried that much gold out of any mine.
Had Fjorkson trained a dragon to carry for him, perhaps?
Or was there more to this?
Either way, he would know the secret before the week was out,
or have the pleasure of rediculing his rival in front of the
entire local mining community! All he had to do, was stay alive - in Wrong!
Morning broke, and the small group of miners headed for the cavern that lead to Wrong.
Fjorkson had only brought one pack llama, which puzzled Kairn even more.
Still, he was no one's fool, and would soon see what the great mystery was.
They left their friends at the enterance, lit torches, and stepped inside.
After a short walk, they heard voices.
The low, gutteral, sing-song was unmistakable - Juka!
They crept past them, and on towards the rough stairway
that lead down into the darkness.
A huge, metalic beast shambled past,
as they hugged the rock wall, in the shadows - a golem!
Three more followed, clanking past, talking to each other in a low, metalic hum.
Many more creatures were seen, the deeper they crept into the caves.
Deeper and deeper, into the darkness, past strange men, and wonderous sights.
"Here we are!" exclaimed Fjorkson in a loud voice
"The treasure is right through here!"
"Quiet!!!!!" hissed Kairn "thou ART mad -
be still, or half the dungeon shall descend upon us!"
"Ah, but that is the way to receive the treasure!"
smiled Fjorkson. Kairn did not like the look on his face.
"What do you mean?" he asked, backing away warily.
"Look behind you." Fjorkson grinned, his eyes glowing red in the darkness.
Kairn slowly turned...
There, towering over him, stood a tall man, with grey skin,
in a red and white robe, flanked on either side by two floating creatures.
The last thought that entered his mind was
"oh, flying golems. What will they think of next?".
The man thrust a gleaming metal band about Kairn's head, and everything went black...
The next day, the miners sat around the table, drinking to the memory of Kairn,
the poor soul who had lost his nerve in the mine, and fled screaming into the darkness,
despite the noble efforts of Fjorkson to stop him.
"I tried my uttermost, but Kairn had the strength of madness - I could not restrain him. I am sorry, my friends." he told them.
"Ah, but you brought back another huge load of gold, we are all witness to that!"
said one of the younger miners. "May I accompany you, next time?"
"Certainly! I am not greedy - you are welcome to accompany me, any time." smiled Fjorkson, counting his latest blood-spoils in his head.
"Besides, we should be safer this time, now that I have my newly tamed golem!".
Ah, the controllers paid well for his victims, indeed.
Somewhere, imprisoned deep within the metalic mind of the golem,
Kairn screamed silently to warn ears that could not hear...
Now, that should keep you up at night! So, best to follow it with something much lighter. Like this:
So he invited the old man inside for a drink.
As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked,
"So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "Youre the eighth."
And so, I felt it time to honor another of Siege's past... characters, and whipped out a scroll that I'd found in an old chest.
he lives just down the street,
he flaps and squawks and bares his fangs,
and cries for fresh human meat.
He tries every day to bite me,
and yet this vampire I can not fear,
as for all his hissing flapping noise,
all he ever seems to do is leer!
This vampire has bats in his belfry,
He's rather sweet, I must admit.
and for all his cries of damnation,
few has he ever successfully bit.
Yonder dwells a vampire most loud,
truly a sweet and cuddly chap,
fear not his changes to animal form,
roll up a newspaper, give him a tap.
Insolent? Me? Never! Next Holden Caulfield was marched to the front at spear-point, to provide this translation...Nambo's words are in red, Holden's translation in blue.
Savages worship many gods, but chief among them, god of all savage gods is Nanahuatzin, the god of fire.
Far manii maons past, witin te eavens a great battle takes place between te wat'r gad, Prateus and Nanahuatzin
For many moons past, within the heavens a great battle takes place between the water god, Proteu and Nanahuatzin.
It is during tis time tat ance again te wat'r gad gains is advantage and puses te Nanahuatzin bak causing te sun ta be at te furtest distance
And it is during this time that once again the water god gains his advantage and pushes the fire god back causing the sun to be at its furthest distance.
Tis is wii te calar blue is ated bii all savages and is warn anlii in disgrace
This is why the color blue is hated by all savages and is worn only in disgrace.
Tik cald snaw drapes te land and brings ardsip ta te Savages.
Thick cold snow drapes the land and brings hardship to the Savages.
It is in tis time teii cling ta teir beliefs te strang'r
It is in this time they cling to their beliefs the strongest.
During te Saltice te Savages ast a large fest in anar af Nanahuatzin regaining is advantage and maving te sun clas'r.
During the Soltice the Savages host a large festival in honor of Nanahuatzin regaining his advantage and moving the sun closer.
T'n and Faur Maons fram naw te festival takes place.
Fourteen moons from now the festival takes place
Savage Warriars use best Jabber ta campete in event knawn as Jabber Envii.
Savage Warriors use their best spear to compete in an event known as Spear Envy.
Savage Shaman call upan Nanahuaztin in te farm af Domii ta campete in event knawn as Domii Daminance
Savage Shamans will call upon Fire Elementals to battle in event known as Fire Elemental Dominance
If ula wis ta remain amangst the living, falla as Savage ta te event
If you wish to remain among the living, come to Savage event as Savage Kin
Kafka!
Goodbye!
I was concerned that people might have had enough of me by this point, but it seemed that was not the case, so I pulled out a small scroll, keeping my larger ones in reserve for a future night!
`Our King is dying.`
The royal physician said, with wavering voice, not knowing if his news would lead to a trip to the dungeons, or even straight to the chopping block.
`Can you do nothing for him?` asked the head counsellor, taking the fear in the healers eyes as a true sign that he was not being mislead.
`Nothing, milord.`
Silence fell over the hall.
One of those long silences that normally ends with the clang of steel, and a muffled gurgle of a lifes end.
But not this time.
`He has no heir. Sosaria will be overrun with armies and bands who feel that it is their right to rule,. We must act now. Before he passes.`
There was a mighty rumbling in the hall, and crimson smoke poured across the floor.
`You, counsellor? YOU must act? I think not.`
`And who, mage, are you? And by what right do you enter these halls?`
`My name is Mariah. I bring a message.`
Mariahs name was known to all present friend of gargoyles, aide of the fabled Avatar, and legendary mage, in every sense of the term. The civil servants and healers drew back nervously.
`Lord British is to pass from this realm, to his final reward or eternal torment, as the case may be. But, while I cannot heal him, or grant him any more years, I can let him speak to his people one last time.`
And so it was that all the people of the land, did that day see a huge, glowing image of their kings head, in the clouds.
Some shot arrows at it. Some fell to their knees. But all heard.
My people! I must leave you! But, you will not be without a leader! In keeping with a tale I once heard, I have instructed my greatest mage to place a sword in a stone, in the midst of the courtyard of my castle. Whoever pulls the sword from that stone, be they man, woman, elf, or other, is the rightful king of these lands!
And then, he died. The funeral was a great occasion, with crowds gathered from all over the lands. Some, to be sure that the tyrant was dead others to wish him well.
Many came to the castle, to pull the sword from the stone.
The greatest warriors, the most cunning thieves, the most skilled crafters and spellcasters but there, the sword stayed.
Weeks went by, and it began to look as if there would be no king found. But then, a farmer arrived, with a team of gamans.
No one said I couldnt use a little help! he grinned, and tied a rope to the hilt of the sword.
The gamans pulled, and grunted, and strained but the sword refused to move.
It seemed hopeless. But, just as the rope snapped, and the last gaman fell, exhausted, to the ground, the earth began to shake.
A young boy approached the sword.
There was something about the way he looked - something regal. Royal. A look that demanded respect.
But then, he was flung aside as the earth bucked and heaved, and sent flying through a window!
A deep growl came from within the earth, and the stone in which the sword was embedded began to rise!
With a mighty roar, a huge, earthen hand came out of the ground, grasped the sword by the hilt, and pulled it free of the stone!
"ArrrrLLLL RIGHT DEN!" boomed the earth elemental.
"WHO DOES ME HAFF TO SQUISH FER STICKIN' METAL SPIKEYS IN MUH BACK, DEN?"
The counsellors and lords looked at one another, and back to this huge elemental, made even more powerful by the magic of the blade. Then, a crown of ore and jewels began to form on its head. With a growl, it turned, marched into the castle, and sat down, crushing the throne.
And so it was, that the lands of Sosaria, came to be united, under the great and wise rule, of their new king.
King Earther, he of the Ground table.
Well, some of you may be sad to hear this, some may rejoice and say "at last! Otto's going to shut up now!", but that is the end of the night's offerings!
A massive thank you to all who came, whether it was to speak, to listen, or just to drink!
A good mix of tales, both old and new, and many fine forms of entertainment!
