Rough Draft of Kickstarter Video - feedback needed!

[Citan]

Hey guys, this is the rough draft of the video we're thinking of going with. Can you take a look and give your first impressions? Both on the big and the small scale: does this approach work? Are certain phrases, or footage, or whatever, noticeably awkward? What works in the video?


Thanks!

 

[ALinkToTheFuture]

The biggest concern I had with it was the voice over. It was noticeably poor in quality as you could hear static and echos in the background.

It's might help if you recorded it in a room with very little echo and turned the gain on your mic down a bit.

It also wouldn't hurt the speak a bit louder and clearer. If you are able to get the voice during the clips of game footage and yourself to sound the same then that would improve it ten fold.

There were also some abrupt stops in the audio, though that was more because of the static noise in the background.

Sorry for the long post...

 

[Helio]

Is the "Try it at ProjectGorgon.com" at the end necessary? Can you put a download link on the kickstarter page itself, and instead direct people to click there? The less typing/clicking they have to do to download it, the more people will try it.

 

[Vee]

Hey guys, this is the rough draft of the video we're thinking of going with. Can you take a look and give your first impressions? Both on the big and the small scale: does this approach work? Are certain phrases, or footage, or whatever, noticeably awkward? What works in the video?

I thought the out of game part was spoken too fast and some listeners will miss part. In my work people giving presentatons are told to slow down and if necessary cut to match available time.
I thought there was to much out of game video - talking head. I think some is good but the rest could be voice over in-game image. For example where you talk of wide open spaces also show them maybe by having your character stand on a hilltop at the edge of Serbule and pan through 180 degrees. When talking about feedback show a bug report and the action that followed from it.
Saying "I don't want millions of players" may give an "oh yeah" response when you mean, I think, that you don't need millions for success. If you get millions of players you will probably be able to adapt.
I thought there was too much showing in game windows. The combat part choices looked OK but showing purchases from NPCs looked boring to me. Also the NPC purchase window looked very blurred on my screen but the combat choice screen was clear.

 

[Helio]

I think there should be more focus on how this isn't just a generic fantasy world, since there's already a lot about how this isn't just any old MMO, but not so much about the world itself. My friends that I've told about this game were thrilled about being able to write books and put messages on armor, and also being able to start out with a choice between different combat abilities (sword, unarmed, psychology, archery, and cow, ALL in the tutorial cave). Does anyone think it would be good to emphasize those things more? I'm also not too sure about the comparisons with Skyrim and Fallout. They don't seem entirely necessary, and comparing something so tiny to two giants might not be the best idea.

Maybe show someone finishing The Cat's Glassy Stare quest for flia. What she says at the end is funny, though possibly not in the way that appeals to everyone.

 

[zentr]

I think a lot of what is said could be more succinct. We want the takeaway message. A bullet-ed list of standout features. Think of those things that perk people's interest.

For example: Incorporates design ideas from Asheron's Call and Everquest, Classless, skill-based character progression, Skills such as ______, Become friends with NPCs by doing favors for them, Player housing, Fantasy Sandbox, etc.

Maybe a diagram of how cheese making will be realized, with the other skills that it touches.

Personally, I don't care for the curse/cow mechanic (maybe I will, but currently, on paper, no). I think others may be turned off by that. I would not include in video.

I liked the initial World of Warcraft MMO design lead in.

Right now the video is longish and doesn't seem like it is split into parts. Maybe the video could have three or four sections. Have a "divider slide" for each section. It will appear more defined and organized.

Unfortunately, the video doesn't include the UI changes you put in this weekend.

BTW: Good luck! I think the Kickstarter will do great. I was playing over the weekend and I had a blast. I actually did a math problem for an NPC and I leveled up my Dying skill! Because it is different, there is a sense of adventure. Being a curious player, I keep playing to find out more.

 

[CunningFox]

I wouldn't say the comment on how you don't want a million players. May come off as you don't have and will never have a large player base.
Other then that I love the comments about WoW and how everyone has just been a clone of it since then. This is exactly how I feel, although Im sure there are very few players out there like me who remember the old 2d mmo's before WoW and enjoyed this type of game where there are no classes and your not pigeon holed into a set role and told exactly what to do.
Not many players are looking for such game play. but trust me I've been looking for years for a game like this and there simply isnt any out there. Get the word out there that there is a game like this finally out there and you will have a nitch market for sure.

 

[Wyrmrider]

I think it starts off too slow. I get what you're trying to do with the intro and face-cam near the beginning, but you're mostly preaching to the choir I think... It picks up nicely about halfway in, when you're showing much more active gameplay footage and talking about unique concepts like "fate worse than death."

I actually think a really fast-paced approach would work well, maybe something like this:

1) BRIEF statement of what the game is all about. A strange world to explore, tons of combat and non-combat skills to mix & match, meaningful character choices, minimal hand-holding, etc.

2) By the way, YOU CAN PLAY IT RIGHT NOW.

3) By the time you leave the newbie cave, you may have discovered:
- Sword. Which ties into Calligraphy.
- Unarmed. Learn daily combos at meditation pillars.
- Animal taming. Ultimately you can have a stable full of combat pets.
- Psychology. Learn your enemies' deepest fears.
- (What else am I forgetting?)
- Cow! And other "fates worse than death..."

4) But that's just the beginning! From here you could....
- Learn Archery! Fire Magic! Mentalism! Battle Chemistry! Necromancy! etc. (5 seconds each)
- Become a deer! A pig! A werewolf! A spider! (5 seconds each)
- Run really, really fast! (5 seconds)
- Appreciate art! (5 seconds)
- Grow a garden! (5 seconds)
- Discover the TRUTH about the ancient mushroom people! (5 seconds)
- etc. etc. etc.

5) Wrap up by going back to the big picture - getting away from the "WoW-clone" MMO. Now we know what you mean.

6) And one more time, YOU CAN PLAY IT RIGHT NOW. This is actually a game that exists. You can go HERE to play it. There's a community that actually exists too, and you can go HERE to talk to them.

(@Helio, the "Try it at ProjectGorgon.com" text is helpful when the video is posted out-of-context, on a forum or a news-scraping site or whatever.)

 

[Luka Melehan]

There needs to be Face of Death footage. Eltibule and Kurr both now have different feels than Serbule. That reminds me, I found some better overhead Kurr video. I'll try to get it to you today. Also, mention briefly about live events. Thats a niche community thing.

 

[Citan]

Thanks for the feedback everybody! It's much appreciated! Doing some work on it now.