[News] Wispwood Storynight

Guest · May 24, 2006

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e thought the Shire was under attack - strange footprints were found all around the Golden Unicorn Tavern, and there was a strange smell on the wind!
In addition, Kush seemed to be coming down with a bad infestation of fleas!

However, we weren't under attack (although poor itchy Kush would disagree) - the orcs had come to Story Night!

Mo'gluk took to the stage, and presented a fine tale of a mighty orc!
Here, with translation for those who are not fluent in their tongue, is his tale.

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Mo'gluk

blah da stori
ub...

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</td></tr> <tr> <td width="75">Da Winnur!</td></tr></table>

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kee meeb her tu blah stori </td> <td> </td> <td>

k, I'm here to tell a story</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>ub da bubhosh wargoth Grimgor </td> <td> </td> <td> about the great warlord Grimgor.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>hims wuz bigg uruk </td> <td> </td> <td> He was a huge orc,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>az bigg as oomie fuud </td> <td> </td> <td> as big as a horse.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>hims wuz da chief uv da yellow eyes tribe </td> <td> </td> <td> He was the chief of the yellow eyes tribe.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>az uruks likee klompin grimgor likee klomp eben mur </td> <td> </td> <td> As orcs like fighting, Grimgor liked fighting even more.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>hims wuz da bubhosh at klompin oomies </td> <td> </td> <td> He was the best at fighting humans,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and when him nub could find oomies to clomp him klomp da uruks </td> <td> </td> <td> and when he couldn't find humans to fight he would fight the orcs,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and him made great uruk land in da worlds edge mountains </td> <td> </td> <td> and he made a great orc land in the World's Edge Mountains.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>hims klomp su many oomies </td> <td> </td> <td> He killed so many humans</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>dat him culd nub find ani oomies tu klomp </td> <td> </td> <td> that he couldn't find any more humans to fight.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>so him start bubhosh quest tu find da ultimate klompin grounds </td> <td> </td> <td> so he started a great quest to find the ultimate fighting grounds.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>hims travel tu da lands uv da stunties ov karak kadrin </td> <td> </td> <td> He travelled to the lands of the dwarves, of Karak Kadrin,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and he klompd and conquered da short oomies </td> <td> </td> <td> and he fought and conquered the dwarves.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>den hims find da panzees </td> <td> </td> <td> Then he found the elves,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>ov da ...har har quiet forest </td> <td> </td> <td> of the *laughs* quiet forest.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>it nub quiet nub more </td> <td> </td> <td> It's not quiet any more!</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>har har </td> <td> </td> <td> *laughs*</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>hims klomp da panzees </td> <td> </td> <td> He killed the elves,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and put der heads on pikes </td> <td> </td> <td> and put their heads on pikes,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td> </td> <td></td> <td></td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>but him nub find da place he wanted </td> <td> </td> <td> but he didn't find the place he wanted.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>su him send out scouts to all da lands </td> <td> </td> <td> So, he sent out scouts to all the lands,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>agh ash scout kum back </td> <td> </td> <td> and one scout came back,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and blah tu grimgor ov da dark tunnels </td> <td> </td> <td> and spoke to Grimgor of the dark tunnels,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>where da rat oomies lib </td> <td> </td> <td> where the ratmen live.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>grimgor tinks tu himself </td> <td> </td> <td> Grimgor though to himself,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>dat dis z da place tu go fer da great klomp hiz quest fer </td> <td> </td> <td>That was the place to go for the great battles he quested for.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>so into da deepest tunnels him gu </td> <td> </td> <td> So, into the deepest tunnels he went,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>wit his boyz da black blade tribe </td> <td> </td> <td> with his warriors, the Black Blade tribe,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>dez da biggest and bubosh uruks lat eber see </td> <td> </td> <td> the biggest and greatest orcs you would ever see.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and tu dis day grimgor agh his boyz scour da deepest tunnels luukin fer klompin ...someday </td> <td> </td> <td> And to this day, Grimgor and his warriors scour the deepest tunnels, looking for battle... Someday</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>me hopes tu find klompn grounds like dat </td> <td> </td> <td> I hope to find battlefields like that</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td> </td> <td></td> <td></td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>dat da sturee ov grimgor </td> <td> </td> <td> That's the story of Grimgor.</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>hims still in da tunnels </td> <td> </td> <td> He's still in the tunnels,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and when hims return </td> <td> </td> <td> and when he returns,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>grimgor will conquer dis land </td> <td> </td> <td> Grimgor will conquer this land,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and put all panzee heads on pikes </td> <td> </td> <td> and put all elf heads on pikes,</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td>and swing oomie heads frum da trees </td> <td></td> <td>and swing human heads from the trees!</td></tr> <tr> <td></td> <td></td> <td>

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While poor Kush franticly sent pigeons to Iantown, requesting a vat of Kelmo's special sheep dip to purge himself of the orc's 'gift', Angharad gave us a tale of a slightly less blood-splattered nature.

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Lady's Jest
by
Angharad </td> <td width="210" height="150">

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was the regular Tuesday gathering
The women had raised a glass or two
And the talk was a little louder
And the gossip fairly flew -
When a tall and beautiful
Bue-eyed blonde young man
Sat down nearby
And every single female
At the table...gave a sigh.

But there was one who kept on staring
Just like a dieter at cake
While her friends tried to ignore her
Sure twas a large mistake
Till the gorgeous blonde Adonis
Met her eyes and made her blush
And when he'd walked on over
Started speaking...in that hush.

"If you have an hundred gold
And you will give that sum to me,
I will do whatever thing you ask
No matter what it might be.
Nor matter how strange or kinky,
Nor event perverse, or just absurd -
With only this one condition;
You must state it...in three words."

The Lady pulled out a crisp new bill
As she thought on what he'd said,
And laid it 'pon his open palm
Like a blanket on a bed.
And the whole damn tavern held its breath
As still as any mouse...
And in that silence, she spoke these words -

"Clean
my
house."

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Less gore infested, perhaps, but certainly as blood thirsty! Hmm, that reminds me, I have gold to farm for Bea's latest purchase...

Still, slave-drivers aside, I had my thoughts filled with memories of those who had left us this week, and my writings turned to one of the departed.
A pirate, renowned and feared, and, for a lengthy while, the ruler of Siege's seas.

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</td> <td>Salt TitanBreaker

by

Blind Otto </td> </tr> </table>
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"

his craft, she is the finest!"
the shipbuilder declared aloud.
"Unstoppable, unsinkable!
Boardable? Unthinkable!"
His chest stuck out, most proud.

"My men have toiled long and hard,
and the results ye now do see
For this craft now moored in Skara Docks
This craft - immune to sharks and rocks,
will rule the waves with impunity!"

The ship, she towered above them all,
seven masts rising high into the clouds.
Standing proud, defying the waves,
declaring sea beasts errant knaves,
under the awed gaze of the gathering crowds.

"She'll sail her maiden voyage at dawn!"
The shipbuilder did decree.
"She's yours Cap'n, she'll do ye proud!"
The shipbuilder doffed his cap and bowed,
to the Admiral of the royal navy.

Dawn came with much fanfare,
as the crowds gathered for the launch.
To see this craft, unnamed as yet,
as her crew boarded, ready sail to set,
with the Admiral, looking most staunch.

"I christen thee Titan One, and end thy name in 'C'"
For 'C' is what we sail upon,
and where we shall make our name!
Come now lads, off to find our fame!
And with that, O'er the horizon they were gone.

On they sailed, for nights and days,
leaving many a dead pirate in their wake,
Until one day, they passed Ice Isle,
where in a grey tower, they caused a smile,
Aye, this was their grave mistake.

For to sail so boldly past the home of RUM,
and their fearsome captain Salt,
was something only the most foolish of men,
would ever do if they hoped to sail again.
And so the pirates planned their assault.

Ship after ship launched from the pirates hold,
the sea seemed to tremble as they came.
Salt Foambreaker leading the attack,
with so many craft, the sea's blue seemed black.,
The captain shrugged. "All pirates die just the same."

But nay, these were not as other buccaneers,
they did not fall with such great ease.
The cannons roared, spells and arrows flew,
men screamed and died, the captains words they rue.
For the Royal Navy did not own these seas.

And so, the mighty ship, she sank,
the crew went down in almighty panic.
And thus it seems, the lesson learned,
no matter what the shipbuilder earned,
never head towards Ice on the Titan-1-C.

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Angharad then returned to the stage, things of knightly virtue clearly on her mind.

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"Stand Up Straight"
by
Angharad </td> <td width="126" height="150">

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strong and stubborn younster, (to no one would I yeild)
I worked beside my family at the forge and in th' field;
When laden wi' a sack of grain, I staggered to the gate
My father took one look and told me, "Stand up straight."

"Hold your head up, daughter," his voice was gruff and terse.
"Everyone is tired; slumping only makes it worse.
Brace your feet and square your shoulders; get the balance of the weight,
At the limits of your strength you have to stand up straight."

High my heart and hopeful when I rode as Marin's squire,
For I knew i knew so little, to such honor to aspire.
Though the burden be an anvil or a suit of polished plate,
Brace and balance, take a breath and stand up straight.

Marin rode to tourney, in shining joy and pride
And heavy was our sorrow in the hour that she died.
As we took her to her resting place in silent solemn state
It wasn't strength of heart that made me stand up straight.

Now a paladin I'm chosen, and the truth should not be shy,
But knights and kings surround me; can I look them in the eye?
I'm just a blacksmith's child among the mighty and the great,
But I seem to hear my father saying, "Stand up straight".

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And, quite fittingly, Morning ended the eve.

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Tales of Myth
parts I and II
by
Morning </td> <td width="100">

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<table border="1" width="100%" bordercolor="#80ff00"> <tr> <td> "

uriko, what is the matter; why do you walk away so slowly?".
Nuriko turned slowly, eyes welled with tears, her face telling of the trials the Guardians face.
"I walk... ", her voice trailed off, leaving Morning to look around at where it may have went.
Morning shook his head.
He took his friend by her listless hand and turned her towards him.
Her eyes cast down a shadow covering everything nearby.
They swallowed landscapes, movements, sounds and left only embers shaking off the fires of their
previous lives.

Morning stole a glance into those low-land eyes. He saw angels dancing where they used to be.
"Did you see the angels laughing and dancing in your eyes?"
"Angels?"
"Angels... I see them. They don't seem to know how sad you are, we all are.
They are dancing, laughing; and I can almost hear the music they move to. Here, see this."

Morning pushed a few belongings around in his bag, settling in on an old mirror.
Polishing the glass on the sleeves of his arcane robe, he handed the mirror to his friend.
"See that?"
"Angels? I see no angels in my eyes... only leaves falling and winds picking them up, sending them to
the Void."
"Please, Nuriko. You didn't even look, did you?
Please, look again... am I mad to see angels where you see the Void?"

Nuriko stopped, holding the mirror before her, and looked deeply into her eyes,
looking carefully for those beings her friend said made mirth in place of sadness.
A vampire bat flew overhead, heading in the same direction as the Guardians, towards their village
of hope.
As it flew by, the rays of the sun shifted documenting its flight and casting playful lights upon
the face of the lovely Nuriko.
"I see two leaves falling from a Great tree. They fall to the song of the rivers where I swim.
I see them as they fall and I encourage them on their way."
The warrior maiden paused as she studied her eyes.
"The winds change and the songs of the rivers cease.
The leaves are taken up violently, against their will, by foreign winds...
what have I allowed... ?", her voice trembles.
She looked away in disbelief, stooping her heavy burdens to the ground.

"Are we done; is that all you see? I hear the rivers song is still sung.
Listen. I see the leaves are not lost. Look."
The angels looked right into Nuriko as she looked right into them.
She saw them at last, as the light of the sun left her warmer for such a cold day in Spring.
The angels danced and sang and their song grew stronger as Nuriko absorbed their mirth,
a song old as the rivers guiding their revelry.
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"> <tr> <td align="left"> "I could almost laugh", said Nuriko while a tear left her eyes.
The Guardians turned to the sun and to their village as the songs
from that direction slowly joined in perfect harmony with the songs in the war-woman's eyes.
All told, the young warriors felt that there was yet cause for celebration in the lands.

Winter leaving, Spring coming in. </td> <td align="right">

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The vote was cast, and, though most were close, the night was won by the Orc Warboss Mo'Gluk!
Our scouts looked around, but it is hard to find an orc when he does not want to be found!
These orcs may be new, but they are as stealthy and sneaky as ever!

Finally, though, we found them, and they went on their way, laden with shineez!

So last night, victory went to the orcs!
But, I heard the murmurings and plotting in the tavern... next week, the elves and humans may get their revenge!

So, be ye orc, human, elf, savage or dwarf, come next week, and join in a night of fun and fine tales!

Hoowah! </td> </tr> </table>

Guest · May 24, 2006

*applauds*

Great stories!

Guest · May 24, 2006

Here you go.

Guest · May 24, 2006

Kush? You're saved!! On behalf of the poor, itchy shireman - many thanks, Kelmo!