I was reading this thread on Stupid Ways to Die and I recalled a story I wrote about real guild mates on a real adventure that did not turn out so well. I posted this years ago on old Stratics forums but I think it's lost to history, and I think it's worth posting again, if just for the memories. You'll notice some things have changed and game mechanics are different, but the relationships still speak to me. I hope y'all will enjoy this story about the Invincible Warriors.
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Originally posted Aug 2, 2001
This is the tale of a brave band of treasure hunters, known throughout the land for their amazing and heroic feats. They have banded together as the Lake Superior Guild of the Treasure Hunters of Britannia. All Hail LS-THB! Your deeds are amazing! You dance with the fiercest beasts of our land and we are awed! Your expertise - renown! Of course, when you start hollering for help and begging friends for a res, the legend diminshes somewhat, does it not? All hail anyway.
The day started simply enough. Sphyr and Gilthas, treasure hunters of THB, were idly chatting on the steps of the guildhouse, discussing matters of most importance to treasure hunters. Sort of the way rednecks get together and one of them says, "hey, watch this."
Sphyr: *In Nox.*
Gilthas: *An Nox.*
Sphyr: *In Nox.*
Gilthas: "Knock it off, Sphyr. Stop poisoning me." *An Nox.*
Sphyr: *Por Corp Wis.*
Gilthas: *Sigh.*
A warrior friend of Sphyr arrives for a visit, Big Dogg. "Hail. What are you up to?"
Sphyr: "Nothing."
Gilthas: "Nothing."
Sphyr: "But he started it."
Gilthas: "Did not."
Sphyr: "Did too."
Gilthas: "Did not."
Big Dogg: "I can see you are talented treasure hunters because I read the first paragraph. Wanna go on a treasure hunt?"
Sphyr: "Hey, let's go on an adventure instead. Wanna kill the ancient wyrm?"
Big Dogg: "Eep."
Gilthas: "Ok."
After a few minutes of planning, Sphyr changes into his alter-ego Dizzy and fetches 2 dragons, Pounce and Angry. Gilthas, in recognition of his superior running skills, scouts the ancient wyrm's lair alone and marks a rune. Fully fed and armored, the brave souls gathered for the assault. GIlthas prepares a gate for the treasure hunters.
Gilthas: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
At first, calm. The cave is peaceful. Two wyverns flying by look at the new arrivals, and Gilthas' skilled music brings them to blows with each other. And then a dark shadow appears over the band of warriors - the Ancient Wyrm! Pounce, the mighty brown dragon, though hopelessly outmatched, attacks bravely. Sphyr/Dizzy attends the dragon with insufficient veterinary skill. "Angry! Get over here and help your stable-mate!" The second dragon joins in the attack.
The battle was short and fierce. Pounce was almost lost, down to just a sliver of health, while Big Dogg added massive blows from his sword. Just when the dragons looked about to perish, Gilthas would distract the ancient wyrm with freshly spawned wyverns. With a mighty groan, the Ancient Wyrm falls.
Big Dog: "Woohoo!"
Gilthas: "All right!"
Sphyr/Dizzy: "We did it! Let's do another!" Sphyr/Dizzy gives Pounce a final patch of bandages, restoring him to full health.
As if by magic, a new Ancient Wyrm appears and targets the terrible red dragon Angry, and Pounce immediately attacks. Alas, the damage is severe - Angry perishes, and the ancient wyrm looks for fresh meat.
Sphyr/Dizzy: "I was killed by an Ancient Wyrm!" His ghost appears. "OoOoOOooOO," he says.
Pounce perishes, but the ancient wyrm is mortally wounded. Gilthas aggravates a wyvern into attacking, and the Ancient Wyrm falls. The ancient wyrm may be gone, but it took 2 dragons and Dizzy with him.
Sphyr/Dizzy: "OoOOooOO"
Gilthas resurrects Dizzy.
Sphyr/Dizzy: "Er, let's do something else."
Gilthas: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The warriors gather their belongings and return to the guildhouse. There they are joined by Banjo, Sphyr's brother, and Draze, a novice Treasure Hunter new to the guild. Dizzy morphs back to his original identity of Sphyr.
Sphyr: *In Nox...*
Gilthas: "Don't even *think* about starting that again."
Sphyr. "I'll get a map."
An ancient treasure map, worn with creases and difficult to read. Sphyr studies the map, and shouts. "Eureka! I know where the the treasure is!" A party is formed - Sphyr, Gilthas, Big Dogg, Banjo, and Draze.
Sphyr: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The party spreads out, finding themselves on a small island west of Skara Brae. Sphyr and Gilthas chant *An Lor Xen* and Big Dogg, Banjo, and Draze disappear. Sphyr starts to dig. Two more *An Lor Xen* and Sphyr and Gilthas disappear, too.
The treasure chest arises from the ground, along with terrible beasts of destruction. The invisible warriors study the Guardian Spawn of the treasure chest. A Poison Elemental, a Demon, a Lich Lord, and a Blood Elemental. Music rings out from the bards, and the monsters begin to fight among themselves. Sphyr picks the lock on the chest, *Ort Por Ylem* and the chest is disarmed. Big Dogg stirs the chest, and Elder Gazers join the conflagration. The battle is furious, but the brave band of warriors hardly take a scratch. The chest is emptied of it's treasure - gold, gems, magic weapons and armor, and nearly 18,000 gold, including the gold from the guardian spawn.
Banjo: "Yeehaw!"
Draze: "That was awesome!"
Gilthas: "We're invincible!"
Sphyr: *Kal In Ex*
Lord Baldwin: "Excellent!"
Big Dogg: "What the... ? Who's Lord Baldwin?"
Gilthas: "It's Sphyr, he cast Incognito on himself again."
Lord Baldwin: "Monsters won't attack me if they don't know who I am."
Banjo: *snicker*
Sphyr: "I have an idea."
Gilthas: "Uh oh."
Sphyr: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The party finds themselves at the Bank of Magincia, and they deposit their divided treasure.
Sphyr: "Bring nothing you cannot afford to lose. Today - we slay the Balron!" The sounds of bank boxes being loaded suddenly fill the air, all valuables stored for safe-keeping. The warrior party, pumped full of adrenaline from a successful Level 5 Treasure Hunt, is ready for anything, ready to fight the toughest monster in all of Britannia.
Sphyr: "Ready?"
Gilthas: "Yes."
Banjo: "Yup."
Big Dogg: "OK."
Draze: "Ready."
JD: "Where are you going?" JD just happens to walk by the invincible warriors at an inopportune time. No time to explain; the magic words have already been spoken.
Sphyr: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
Draze: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Sphyr: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Big Dogg: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Gilthas: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
JD: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Banjo drops a sash of invisibility on himself. Standing next to the Balron are 5 freshly slain ghosts, 20 gargoyles, and 30 gazers. A most impressive swarm of monsters, many more than these warriors were expecting.
The ghosts chat among themselves.
JD: "Where are we?"
Draze: "Was that the Balron?"
Gilthas: "Now what do we do?"
Sphyr: "Res me! Res me!"
Big Dogg: "Whose idea was this?"
Gilthas: "I'm using my 'Help I'm Stuck' button."
Banjo (not a ghost): "Where is everybody?"
Banjo is in a tough spot - he can only provoke 2 monsters at a time, but the other 50 retarget him when he becomes visible.
Sphry: "Res me! Res me!"
Banjo: "I can't yet, not now."
Sphry: "Res me! Res me!"
Banjo: "I'm sort of busy right now."
Sphry: "Waaaaah!"
Banjo: "Please leave a number at the beep."
Sphyr: "No really, res me."
Banjo slaps one of those awesome bandages on that can bring dead people to life and disappears with his sash again. Sphyr returns to the land of the living. Banjo provokes 2 more creatures and goes invisible yet again. Sphyr goes into attack mode and targets the Balron, who gives chase.
Sphyr runs out the doorway, Lord of the Abyss on his tail. At the hallway intersection, Sphyr hangs a left, but the Balron is gaining. At the end of the hall, Sphyr hooks a hard right, but it's too late -
Sphyr: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Sphyr's ghost returns to the Balron lair, the Lord of the Abyss lured far away from the scene of the initial attack.
Banjo is still provoking monsters and disappearing. Gilthas, magically transported to town, has found a healer and re-equipped himself and returned, and is now provoking as fast as he can. Big Dogg apparently simply logged out as a ghost, and returned as Alpine with a dragon in tow. It takes several minutes, but eventually the gazers and gargoyles are dead. Fortunately, the Lord of the Abyss hasn't returned and is still far down the hall, unaware of the intruders in his domain.
One by one Banjo and Gilthas resurrect the warrior party, and everybody gathers their belongings.
Gilthas: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The warriors, a bit humbled, reassemble at the THB guild house. Alpine/Dogg leaves first, gating out to stable his dragon. The party disbands and Banjo says goodnight. Gilthas and Draze head home. JD, the stranger from Magincia, is still standing there with Sphyr.
JD: "What kind of guild is this?"
Sphyr: "Hehe."
Now it's just Sphyr, tidying up the guildhouse before logging out for the evening. An incoming message interrupts him:
Big Dogg: "Hello? Sphyr, you there?"
Sphyr: "Yup, Whassup, Dogg?"
Big Dogg: "Can I get a gate?"
Sphyr: "Sure. Where are you?"
Big Dogg: "I'm still in the Balron room."
Sphyr: "Doh!" *Vas Rel Por*
Big Dogg's ghost appears in the gate, and Sphyr resurrects him.
Sphyr: "You were da man, Dogg. Thanks for bringing a dragon."
Big Dogg: "Banjo was the man. He stayed alive and res'd."
Sphyr: "And Gilhas, he was the man, too, for getting back so quickly to provoke."
Big Dogg: "Did we kill the balron? I didn't see it anywhere."
Sphyr: "Well, no. He chased me down a hallway and killed me. I tried to recall out of a random runebook and almost went to the Ice Fiends instead. Good thing he killed me."
Big Dogg: "Heh. Good job. G'night, Sphyr."
Sphyr: "Till next time, Dogg."
Ah, the mighty warriors have retired for the evening. If anybody asks, embellish this story so it sounds like these mighty treasure hunters are invincible, OK? Reality isn't doing a thing for the legend. 8)
Lord Sphyr
Guildmaster
Lake Superior Treasure Hunters of Britannia.
No gazers were harmed in the making of this story.
Well, maybe a few were.
-----------------------------------------------------
Comments on this story, over 2 years after it was written -
--------------
Originally posted Aug 2, 2001
This is the tale of a brave band of treasure hunters, known throughout the land for their amazing and heroic feats. They have banded together as the Lake Superior Guild of the Treasure Hunters of Britannia. All Hail LS-THB! Your deeds are amazing! You dance with the fiercest beasts of our land and we are awed! Your expertise - renown! Of course, when you start hollering for help and begging friends for a res, the legend diminshes somewhat, does it not? All hail anyway.
The day started simply enough. Sphyr and Gilthas, treasure hunters of THB, were idly chatting on the steps of the guildhouse, discussing matters of most importance to treasure hunters. Sort of the way rednecks get together and one of them says, "hey, watch this."
Sphyr: *In Nox.*
Gilthas: *An Nox.*
Sphyr: *In Nox.*
Gilthas: "Knock it off, Sphyr. Stop poisoning me." *An Nox.*
Sphyr: *Por Corp Wis.*
Gilthas: *Sigh.*
A warrior friend of Sphyr arrives for a visit, Big Dogg. "Hail. What are you up to?"
Sphyr: "Nothing."
Gilthas: "Nothing."
Sphyr: "But he started it."
Gilthas: "Did not."
Sphyr: "Did too."
Gilthas: "Did not."
Big Dogg: "I can see you are talented treasure hunters because I read the first paragraph. Wanna go on a treasure hunt?"
Sphyr: "Hey, let's go on an adventure instead. Wanna kill the ancient wyrm?"
Big Dogg: "Eep."
Gilthas: "Ok."
After a few minutes of planning, Sphyr changes into his alter-ego Dizzy and fetches 2 dragons, Pounce and Angry. Gilthas, in recognition of his superior running skills, scouts the ancient wyrm's lair alone and marks a rune. Fully fed and armored, the brave souls gathered for the assault. GIlthas prepares a gate for the treasure hunters.
Gilthas: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
At first, calm. The cave is peaceful. Two wyverns flying by look at the new arrivals, and Gilthas' skilled music brings them to blows with each other. And then a dark shadow appears over the band of warriors - the Ancient Wyrm! Pounce, the mighty brown dragon, though hopelessly outmatched, attacks bravely. Sphyr/Dizzy attends the dragon with insufficient veterinary skill. "Angry! Get over here and help your stable-mate!" The second dragon joins in the attack.
The battle was short and fierce. Pounce was almost lost, down to just a sliver of health, while Big Dogg added massive blows from his sword. Just when the dragons looked about to perish, Gilthas would distract the ancient wyrm with freshly spawned wyverns. With a mighty groan, the Ancient Wyrm falls.
Big Dog: "Woohoo!"
Gilthas: "All right!"
Sphyr/Dizzy: "We did it! Let's do another!" Sphyr/Dizzy gives Pounce a final patch of bandages, restoring him to full health.
As if by magic, a new Ancient Wyrm appears and targets the terrible red dragon Angry, and Pounce immediately attacks. Alas, the damage is severe - Angry perishes, and the ancient wyrm looks for fresh meat.
Sphyr/Dizzy: "I was killed by an Ancient Wyrm!" His ghost appears. "OoOoOOooOO," he says.
Pounce perishes, but the ancient wyrm is mortally wounded. Gilthas aggravates a wyvern into attacking, and the Ancient Wyrm falls. The ancient wyrm may be gone, but it took 2 dragons and Dizzy with him.
Sphyr/Dizzy: "OoOOooOO"
Gilthas resurrects Dizzy.
Sphyr/Dizzy: "Er, let's do something else."
Gilthas: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The warriors gather their belongings and return to the guildhouse. There they are joined by Banjo, Sphyr's brother, and Draze, a novice Treasure Hunter new to the guild. Dizzy morphs back to his original identity of Sphyr.
Sphyr: *In Nox...*
Gilthas: "Don't even *think* about starting that again."
Sphyr. "I'll get a map."
An ancient treasure map, worn with creases and difficult to read. Sphyr studies the map, and shouts. "Eureka! I know where the the treasure is!" A party is formed - Sphyr, Gilthas, Big Dogg, Banjo, and Draze.
Sphyr: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The party spreads out, finding themselves on a small island west of Skara Brae. Sphyr and Gilthas chant *An Lor Xen* and Big Dogg, Banjo, and Draze disappear. Sphyr starts to dig. Two more *An Lor Xen* and Sphyr and Gilthas disappear, too.
The treasure chest arises from the ground, along with terrible beasts of destruction. The invisible warriors study the Guardian Spawn of the treasure chest. A Poison Elemental, a Demon, a Lich Lord, and a Blood Elemental. Music rings out from the bards, and the monsters begin to fight among themselves. Sphyr picks the lock on the chest, *Ort Por Ylem* and the chest is disarmed. Big Dogg stirs the chest, and Elder Gazers join the conflagration. The battle is furious, but the brave band of warriors hardly take a scratch. The chest is emptied of it's treasure - gold, gems, magic weapons and armor, and nearly 18,000 gold, including the gold from the guardian spawn.
Banjo: "Yeehaw!"
Draze: "That was awesome!"
Gilthas: "We're invincible!"
Sphyr: *Kal In Ex*
Lord Baldwin: "Excellent!"
Big Dogg: "What the... ? Who's Lord Baldwin?"
Gilthas: "It's Sphyr, he cast Incognito on himself again."
Lord Baldwin: "Monsters won't attack me if they don't know who I am."
Banjo: *snicker*
Sphyr: "I have an idea."
Gilthas: "Uh oh."
Sphyr: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The party finds themselves at the Bank of Magincia, and they deposit their divided treasure.
Sphyr: "Bring nothing you cannot afford to lose. Today - we slay the Balron!" The sounds of bank boxes being loaded suddenly fill the air, all valuables stored for safe-keeping. The warrior party, pumped full of adrenaline from a successful Level 5 Treasure Hunt, is ready for anything, ready to fight the toughest monster in all of Britannia.
Sphyr: "Ready?"
Gilthas: "Yes."
Banjo: "Yup."
Big Dogg: "OK."
Draze: "Ready."
JD: "Where are you going?" JD just happens to walk by the invincible warriors at an inopportune time. No time to explain; the magic words have already been spoken.
Sphyr: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
Draze: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Sphyr: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Big Dogg: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Gilthas: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
JD: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Banjo drops a sash of invisibility on himself. Standing next to the Balron are 5 freshly slain ghosts, 20 gargoyles, and 30 gazers. A most impressive swarm of monsters, many more than these warriors were expecting.
The ghosts chat among themselves.
JD: "Where are we?"
Draze: "Was that the Balron?"
Gilthas: "Now what do we do?"
Sphyr: "Res me! Res me!"
Big Dogg: "Whose idea was this?"
Gilthas: "I'm using my 'Help I'm Stuck' button."
Banjo (not a ghost): "Where is everybody?"
Banjo is in a tough spot - he can only provoke 2 monsters at a time, but the other 50 retarget him when he becomes visible.
Sphry: "Res me! Res me!"
Banjo: "I can't yet, not now."
Sphry: "Res me! Res me!"
Banjo: "I'm sort of busy right now."
Sphry: "Waaaaah!"
Banjo: "Please leave a number at the beep."
Sphyr: "No really, res me."
Banjo slaps one of those awesome bandages on that can bring dead people to life and disappears with his sash again. Sphyr returns to the land of the living. Banjo provokes 2 more creatures and goes invisible yet again. Sphyr goes into attack mode and targets the Balron, who gives chase.
Sphyr runs out the doorway, Lord of the Abyss on his tail. At the hallway intersection, Sphyr hangs a left, but the Balron is gaining. At the end of the hall, Sphyr hooks a hard right, but it's too late -
Sphyr: "I was killed by the Lord of the Abyss!"
Sphyr's ghost returns to the Balron lair, the Lord of the Abyss lured far away from the scene of the initial attack.
Banjo is still provoking monsters and disappearing. Gilthas, magically transported to town, has found a healer and re-equipped himself and returned, and is now provoking as fast as he can. Big Dogg apparently simply logged out as a ghost, and returned as Alpine with a dragon in tow. It takes several minutes, but eventually the gazers and gargoyles are dead. Fortunately, the Lord of the Abyss hasn't returned and is still far down the hall, unaware of the intruders in his domain.
One by one Banjo and Gilthas resurrect the warrior party, and everybody gathers their belongings.
Gilthas: *Vas Rel Por*
And the gate opens.
The warriors, a bit humbled, reassemble at the THB guild house. Alpine/Dogg leaves first, gating out to stable his dragon. The party disbands and Banjo says goodnight. Gilthas and Draze head home. JD, the stranger from Magincia, is still standing there with Sphyr.
JD: "What kind of guild is this?"
Sphyr: "Hehe."
Now it's just Sphyr, tidying up the guildhouse before logging out for the evening. An incoming message interrupts him:
Big Dogg: "Hello? Sphyr, you there?"
Sphyr: "Yup, Whassup, Dogg?"
Big Dogg: "Can I get a gate?"
Sphyr: "Sure. Where are you?"
Big Dogg: "I'm still in the Balron room."
Sphyr: "Doh!" *Vas Rel Por*
Big Dogg's ghost appears in the gate, and Sphyr resurrects him.
Sphyr: "You were da man, Dogg. Thanks for bringing a dragon."
Big Dogg: "Banjo was the man. He stayed alive and res'd."
Sphyr: "And Gilhas, he was the man, too, for getting back so quickly to provoke."
Big Dogg: "Did we kill the balron? I didn't see it anywhere."
Sphyr: "Well, no. He chased me down a hallway and killed me. I tried to recall out of a random runebook and almost went to the Ice Fiends instead. Good thing he killed me."
Big Dogg: "Heh. Good job. G'night, Sphyr."
Sphyr: "Till next time, Dogg."
Ah, the mighty warriors have retired for the evening. If anybody asks, embellish this story so it sounds like these mighty treasure hunters are invincible, OK? Reality isn't doing a thing for the legend. 8)
Lord Sphyr
Guildmaster
Lake Superior Treasure Hunters of Britannia.
No gazers were harmed in the making of this story.
Well, maybe a few were.
-----------------------------------------------------
Comments on this story, over 2 years after it was written -
- Very few things have changed in this story. The first thing I noticed is the 18,000 or so gold from the L5 chest plus all the guardian spawn. With Age of Shadows, monster llot was reduced, and I think 12,000 is more the norm now.
- I don't think dragons would hold up as well against either the ancient wyrm or the mass spawn in Hythloth anymore like they did pre-AoS.
- Banjo drops a sash of invisibility on himself. I still have a bag of invis items someplace for future rares.
