After all I have been through, sleeping is not a task I take lightly. I fight within myself to close my eyes at night, but I still see them. War is different, you don't think about who is on the other side, you just fight. This was different, their screams fill my head, the sights of a crying woman at the end of my blade haunt my dreams. In my head, I say to myself I would do it again, but in my heart I question everything. It was not their fault, they were needless sacrifices to help protect our realm. They were granted exit from Trinsic to escape infection and war, but the risks that carried with them were too great.
I am a collector of the old and antique. Many magical items and artifacts have made their way into my hands, but it has all been for my mere fascination with our world. One such object was a Nexus device carefully removed from Ilshenar. At the time we had no idea what they were used for, but when it turned on, it touched my mind. I saw many dark, evil things, and then I saw Exodus. I was being indoctrinated to serve, and although I fought with all my power, I was not powerful enough to break it. The way I acted, the things I did, I hardly remember...But when Exodus' forces started getting beat back I regained some control. I was able to break the indoctrination and help fight and destroy the demon...but the link was still active at the time of his death. My mind, was linked with his upon his destruction, permanently leaving images in my mind. I fear what hides within myself.
Danica was everything that I wanted to be. When I was first a member of the Crux, I looked up to her so much. But my corruption at the hands of the Nexus device forever changed my view on her. Whatever it did to my mind, it enhanced the worst parts of being human. I grew jealous of her rank, spiteful of her help, and hateful of her very existence. I don't know why these thoughts came to me, but I wanted her dead. She would have been able to fight the indoctrination, she wasn't weak like I had been. When he trial came up, I jumped at the chance to be part of the jury. I had still been fighting to regain control of myself, but the feelings were too hard to fight. I helped condemn her, even though I knew I would have done exactly like she had to help bring Jimmy Nardello to justice. Now, everytime I see her, I am ashamed of myself. My idol, hates me for what I did. The best I can do, is serve loyally, and maybe someday I can prove myself again.
The darkness I saw when my mind was linked with Exodus, leads me to why I act the way I do as governor. I know the evil the lurks in the shadows, and I have done everything within my power I thought I could to protect my city. I put my own wealth into the treasury to help pay for weapons, armor, food, any supplies that would be needed to defend our land. I increased our armed forces, doing so forcibly, as I didn't think people would understand the need. If Britain were to be sieged, the thieves would be the first to prosper by stealing food and supplies, so I hit the criminal underground hard. I did not trust our courts, I feared they were too easily bribed so I struck a deal with Nuj'elm to handle all future trials of my prisoner's. I knew the Sultan was too rich to care about bribery from petty thieves, and his men feared him too much to commit treason. Unfortunately at the same time our land was being struck by shipwrecks that plagued our coasts. Men would constantly go out trying to salvage the wrecks and find untold treasure, but whatever darkness was out at sea claimed our ship. Losing that ship was hard for me, knowing I lost good men, but also hearing my be accused of unspeakable acts.
Even now, rumors swirl about items in my collection. I hardly go back there after the incident with the Nexus device so long ago. I dare not touch it to dissemble it, and I am to proud to ask for help. I fear whatever may have turned on within will be accredited to me and some evil plan.
Elections loom for Governorship yet again, and while I have submitted my name, I almost hope I lose. I feel as if I have failed myself, and the realm. I have tried so hard to protect Britain, that I fear I have alienated them all. My mind still stirs with the images ive seen, and my heart aches with the actions I have taken. Perhaps it is for the best that I go back to being a nameless sword within the ranks. Maybe that way, I can fight and die a peaceful death, to free me from the madness that is my life. I fear Exodus has forever tainted me, and my fighting to purify myself has just tainted me further. The more I fight , the more I sink down into the dark. But yet, not all hope within myself has been lost. I still , although rarely, dream of leading Britain into peace, and standing alongside Blackthorn and Danica.
Only after all these thoughts race through my mind, can I finally sleep. I close my eyes, somewhat hoping they will not open again.
I am a collector of the old and antique. Many magical items and artifacts have made their way into my hands, but it has all been for my mere fascination with our world. One such object was a Nexus device carefully removed from Ilshenar. At the time we had no idea what they were used for, but when it turned on, it touched my mind. I saw many dark, evil things, and then I saw Exodus. I was being indoctrinated to serve, and although I fought with all my power, I was not powerful enough to break it. The way I acted, the things I did, I hardly remember...But when Exodus' forces started getting beat back I regained some control. I was able to break the indoctrination and help fight and destroy the demon...but the link was still active at the time of his death. My mind, was linked with his upon his destruction, permanently leaving images in my mind. I fear what hides within myself.
Danica was everything that I wanted to be. When I was first a member of the Crux, I looked up to her so much. But my corruption at the hands of the Nexus device forever changed my view on her. Whatever it did to my mind, it enhanced the worst parts of being human. I grew jealous of her rank, spiteful of her help, and hateful of her very existence. I don't know why these thoughts came to me, but I wanted her dead. She would have been able to fight the indoctrination, she wasn't weak like I had been. When he trial came up, I jumped at the chance to be part of the jury. I had still been fighting to regain control of myself, but the feelings were too hard to fight. I helped condemn her, even though I knew I would have done exactly like she had to help bring Jimmy Nardello to justice. Now, everytime I see her, I am ashamed of myself. My idol, hates me for what I did. The best I can do, is serve loyally, and maybe someday I can prove myself again.
The darkness I saw when my mind was linked with Exodus, leads me to why I act the way I do as governor. I know the evil the lurks in the shadows, and I have done everything within my power I thought I could to protect my city. I put my own wealth into the treasury to help pay for weapons, armor, food, any supplies that would be needed to defend our land. I increased our armed forces, doing so forcibly, as I didn't think people would understand the need. If Britain were to be sieged, the thieves would be the first to prosper by stealing food and supplies, so I hit the criminal underground hard. I did not trust our courts, I feared they were too easily bribed so I struck a deal with Nuj'elm to handle all future trials of my prisoner's. I knew the Sultan was too rich to care about bribery from petty thieves, and his men feared him too much to commit treason. Unfortunately at the same time our land was being struck by shipwrecks that plagued our coasts. Men would constantly go out trying to salvage the wrecks and find untold treasure, but whatever darkness was out at sea claimed our ship. Losing that ship was hard for me, knowing I lost good men, but also hearing my be accused of unspeakable acts.
Even now, rumors swirl about items in my collection. I hardly go back there after the incident with the Nexus device so long ago. I dare not touch it to dissemble it, and I am to proud to ask for help. I fear whatever may have turned on within will be accredited to me and some evil plan.
Elections loom for Governorship yet again, and while I have submitted my name, I almost hope I lose. I feel as if I have failed myself, and the realm. I have tried so hard to protect Britain, that I fear I have alienated them all. My mind still stirs with the images ive seen, and my heart aches with the actions I have taken. Perhaps it is for the best that I go back to being a nameless sword within the ranks. Maybe that way, I can fight and die a peaceful death, to free me from the madness that is my life. I fear Exodus has forever tainted me, and my fighting to purify myself has just tainted me further. The more I fight , the more I sink down into the dark. But yet, not all hope within myself has been lost. I still , although rarely, dream of leading Britain into peace, and standing alongside Blackthorn and Danica.
Only after all these thoughts race through my mind, can I finally sleep. I close my eyes, somewhat hoping they will not open again.
