Event: Contest of Insults (Jan. 16th, 8pm EST)

[hawkeye_pike]

Contest of Insults (January 16th, 8pm EST)

As we all know, psychological warfare is even more efficient than an expensive weapon. Who's best at demoralizing the opponent? Find out in our Contest of Insults! The event will take place in the bar of the Jolly Roger Inn (Trammel) - a place where swearing and brawling is a daily occurence. A map to this place can be found here:
Map to the United Pirates

The participants will be grouped in pairs. Each pair has two minutes to let loose on each other. This will happen in a dialog, where each offense has to be alternately answered with a new insult until the time is up. It is an advantage if the used insults refer to your opponent's affront, and it is even better if they take your opponent's appearance, character or attributes into account. If your verbal slander should be vulgar or x-rated, you will be keelhauled and banished from the event!

A jury of highly skilled experts will evaluate each participant's swearing abilities. The best insult dialogs will be published on the Ultima Online Travelogues. The winner will receive a worthy prize.

 

[Lynk]

This sounds like a perfect way to get banned.

 

[hawkeye_pike]

This sounds like a perfect way to get banned.

Then you did not read my post thoroughly.

 

[Lynk]

As evidenced in previous posts, LYNK has excellent speed-reading abilities. He just hasn't got the speed comprehension part down.

I'd return your personal insult, however, I always get an infraction when I do.

 

[Lynk]

Then you did not read my post thoroughly.

I started to read it, but the contradicting statements confused me and caused me to stop reading.

You suggest that there is a 'group of highly trained experts' that will judge the contestants 'swearing abilities' but just before that you mentioned that any vulger slander gets you booted from the event? I don't understand, isn't swearing vulger?

Preemptive reply to La Belle - Hush, no one cares.

 

[CatLord]

Count me in... my presence alone is insulting enough... and I don't even have to open my mouth...

 

[hawkeye_pike]

You suggest that there is a 'group of highly trained experts' that will judge the contestants 'swearing abilities' but just before that you mentioned that any vulger slander gets you booted from the event? I don't understand, isn't swearing vulger?

The highly trained experts are a selection of the finest pirates, and I can guarantee you that we are quite experienced with insults.

It probably is my fault that it did not occur to me that there might be people who think that insults always have to be vulgar. Those are probably the same people who tell me in Felucca to "STFU, NOOB". Let me clarify that this event is meant for players who have enough imagination and sense of humor to not just insult people by using terms like "f*** off biatch" or the like.

For further clarification, here's an example of a word battle over a wench, fought back in 1998 between my guild mate Hook and me:

Hawkeye Pike: Ye foul water corpse!
Hook: Ye ugly seacow!
Hawkeye Pike: Ye landlubbin' bilge crab!
Hook: Ye son of an orcish mage!
Hawkeye Pike: Ye weak sweet water deck swab!
Hook: Ye are da dirt under ma rotten boots!
Hawkeye Pike: Ye are da lice under me tricorne!
Hook: Ye are da fly under ma finger!
Hawkeye Pike: Ye are da mouse in an old man's pants!
Hook: Ye are da bug in ma burning lantern!

The original dialogue lasted a lot longer and seemed to be quite entertaining for those who witnessed it.

 

[CatLord]

I'll stand my ground and insult silenty...

 

[CatLord]

I don't understand, isn't swearing vulger?

Nope... it is a Lost Art...

 

[Scarst]

I'll come on my tamer who was personally invited after slinging insults for about five minutes between him and aneirin and sharkeye while running melsandre. It made me laugh and he's probably my most moderate normal character.


For those who want a Non pirate example or formula for an insult here it is:
I've decided to take catlord as my not so lovely and probably unwilling assistant.

Step One, Take a characteristic of the character you wish to insult it can be anything from there clothes to the way they look even about there name or a habit they might have and it doesn't necessarily have to be true.

I've decided to take the fact the Catlord is a cat, now this is pretty obviously especially if you read names. By picking something simple i set him up for a return insult so later I can dig deeper on him.

Step Two, In this case you take a manorism of a cat that is undesirable and use it as a an insult, I will choose Hairballs.

Step Three, Say your insult in a suggestive tone, It never hurt to tell them to "go" somewhere and "do" something this is the most basic insult there is and can be quite effective at starting a verbal battle off strong.

Step four, String it all together into a nice coherent thought, You may need to add a bit to the end to give it the right punch and for this you should go back to Step One and try to find another characteristic that could apply to them even if it isn't true.

When it comes together you get something like this, "Go cough up a hairball you mangy beast."

This is perhaps a mild but effective starter jab and it will get you on the right track.

I'd like to thank Catlord for being so ripe for insults and to ask him to not take this personally and that he was the easiest one in this thread I could make fun of character wise.

 

[Farsight]

Keeping to the contrary, the catastrophic cataclysm for CatLord can't compare to colorful colloquialisms constantly cast at contestants.

 

[CatLord]

I'd like to thank Catlord for being so ripe for insults and to ask him to not take this personally and that he was the easiest one in this thread I could make fun of character wise.

All cool... where can we find the character descriptions of the contestants?

 

[CatLord]

Har! Stop training!

I would like to read their character description... otherwise they have the upperhand on my handsome feline...

 

[Scarst]

Har! Stop training!

I would like to read their character description... otherwise they have the upperhand on my handsome feline...

Look at there profile in game if they are an RPer there is about a 75% chance they will have one.

Otherwise make up stuff who says insults have to be true.

 

[hawkeye_pike]

Be ready tonight!

 

[CatLord]

thanks Pike... I was the guy with jester hat in the DOWN guild...

 

[hawkeye_pike]

We had a lot of fun last night. Out of seven participants, da contest was won by the landlubber wench Mystyrl Shar. Congratulations! Here's the winning dialogue:

[Acolar]: You're so ugly i'm gonna have to take off my glasses to do this!
[Mystyrl Shar]: Did ye actually dye that leather or did ye stain it with yer feces?
[Acolar]: I've seen better lookin road kill.
[Mystyrl Shar]: *sniffs*
[Mystyrl Shar]: yeah, the smell leans towards feces.
[Acolar]: are you really alive or are you just here to remind the human race what a decayed body looks like.
[Mystyrl Shar]: In the future, if anyone tells ya to be yourself, they are not your friend, don't listen.
[Acolar]: i've seen mongbats with more personallity than you, and they were dead.
[Mystyrl Shar]: It would make sense, seems you spend the most time with the mongbats. Figures that they would make more sense.
[Acolar]: Better company than a scarred up ugly waste of a ... wait are you even female!
[Mystyrl Shar]: Female enough to know that even if you were the last man...the world would decay into oblivion.
[Acolar]: A face only a mother could love, I guess.
[Mystyrl Shar]: Maybe, but then at least I got that one. You don't even have that. Wait, or do the mongbats love you?
[Acolar]: I'm not so sure about that, but it would be a better alternative to seeing more of you polluting.

 

[hawkeye_pike]

Could we have another Contest of Insults some time soon?

Will be done!
But first, we have a series of other events in the pipeline.