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[EM News] "On the Dark Side."

WarderDragon

Babbling Loonie
Alumni
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
"On the Dark Side."
EM Crysania

View the original post here.

What Dark Magic lurks in Umbra? Could the City of Darkness and Necromancy be behind some of the recent disturbances in our lands? A prominent Citizen of Britain has been taken hostage and unless demands are met, they will meet their doom by execution. Your help is desperately needed to find and free this citizen before her murder!

Event- On the Dark Side
Date- 7/28/12
Time: 7pm PST
Meet: Lord Dupre at his encampment outside of Trinsic - Gate will be provided from WBB Tram
 

Alouenikah

Caretaker of Sudiva
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Umbra sees some activity for the first time in... as long as I've been around.

Nice to see it getting used for once. I look forward to the news report.
 
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WarderDragon

Babbling Loonie
Alumni
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Turned out to be a rather uninspiring group of thugs in a field north of town.

But the center of our Vampire - Lich - Hippo love triangle did get an honorable mention.

 

Alouenikah

Caretaker of Sudiva
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Turned out to be a rather uninspiring group of thugs in a field north of town.
The city needs new leadership! Every ruler for the past two hundred years may have been certifiably insane, but at least the criminal underworld became bold, unconventional and exciting in response.​

Edit: Any Tarrant that wants to seize power has my vote.
 
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Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
I'd volunteer a wife, but my DNA receptacles are busy ruling Britannia and Shieba, respectively.
At last count, you had four wives, not including my dutiful self. Don't tell me you've such bad taste in women that it takes two of your ladies to constitute a queen. It doesn't take much to rule Umbra, so long as you've someone to cover for you when you have a psychotic episode and are found grafting a foreign ambassador's genitalia onto the body of a pixie while nude and painted in honey. (Just to fabricate a situation. I don't mean to suggest that Shafiri was ever caught doing such a thing; nor that he tried to blame it on Lord Casca, two years after the latter's death, nor cover up the whole situation by banning pixies, honey and foreign ambassadors from the city. Purely hypothetical.)

...I confess that I have no loyalty to Umbra anymore, and to see it under your dubious rule would bring me joy.
 

Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Oh, and Tarrant! I don't believe I ever thanked you for your instrumental role in bringing me back to life. I am deeply grateful. Whenever I am having quality time with my husband, I always take a moment to think of the man who made this all possible: you.
 
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WarderDragon

Babbling Loonie
Alumni
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
At last count, you had four wives, not including my dutiful self. Don't tell me you've such bad taste in women that it takes two of your ladies to constitute a queen.
What can I say? I'm all big boobs and no brains.

Come to think of it, Lou and I should have an affair. You can watch.
 
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Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
What can I say? I'm all big boobs and no brains.
Come to think of it, Lou and I should have an affair. You can watch.
He delivered himself to you naked and covered in oil, and your response was to drink his blood and cut his arm off. Now you want an affair.

You are the master of mixed messages.
 

WarderDragon

Babbling Loonie
Alumni
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
I'm a Vampire. You expected any less?

You also forgot the part about dumping his corpse at the Sea Witch, having Proserpina stitch up his remains, Frankensteining him, getting him addicted to Vampires Blood, and sending him to Parliament naked and on an acid trip. Good times.
 

Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
I'm a Vampire. You expected any less?
You also forgot the part about dumping his corpse at the Sea Witch, having Proserpina stitch up his remains, Frankensteining him, getting him addicted to Vampires Blood, and sending him to Parliament naked and on an acid trip. Good times.
It was an eventful fortnight. I cannot be expected to remember every detail. Incidentally, the Umbrian parliament are so eager to erase poor Shafiri's pathetic final months from the history books that Alouenikah is now officially recorded as having killed and eaten him on that fateful day. I wish that I could say that's the strangest recorded death for one of our glorious leaders, but... well... you do know that Umbra is an interesting place.*

Also, I proposed a threesome to Alouei and he threw a dishcloth at me. Make of that what you will.

*His real cause of death, which I am led to believe is something along the lines of "Exploded while performing a magical parlour trick", was downright boring by our standards.
 
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Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Upon re-reading the report, I see mentions of "demands" by the kidnappers.

Please tell me - what exactly was the city demanding in return for this unfortunate woman's safety? I do hope they've not resorted to abducting foreign citizens and holding them ransom for vampire blood.

Tell him I have fudge.
He has been stockpiling confectionery since my return, for some reason (I think that the recent demand for vanilla makes him fear an international shortage). He has his own considerable bodyweight's worth of fudge stashed under our bed.
 
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Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
What? They wanted Britain? In the geographical sense? The actual city?

I am frankly embarrassed.

ETA: Skara Brae has superior farmland, is less politically volatile, and - being an island - opens potential conquerors up to less tricky disputes over borderlines. It is also further from the military stronghold of Trinsic, and has an independent figurehead in place (the mayor) who would be easy to kill or exile in order to undermine the confidence of the citizens.

...yes, Ifan and I often had late night "What would you do if you invaded Britannia?" discussions, why do you ask.
 
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Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
It seems that Umbra is still being run by raving lunatics.

Good. It's rather an integral part of our cultural identity by this point.
 

Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Just out of curiosity, did you ever have that memorial orgy that you promised me on my deathbed?
 

Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
I'm honoured. That covers the two deaths that I've undergone so far, plus my hypothetical third death!
 

Magdalena Chef

Journeyman
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Four wives? Really? And dumb too? Interesting. *finishes making pastry puffs fills them with french vanilla custard and silver*

*....eats pancake and starts the hasenpfeffer...*
 
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WarderDragon

Babbling Loonie
Alumni
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Four wives? Really? And dumb too? Interesting. *finishes making pastry puffs fills them with french vanilla custard and silver*

*....eats pancake and starts the hasenpfeffer...*
Nah. You're the hot concubine.

...who just so happens to also have big boobs.
 
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Lindae Lives

Lore Keeper
Stratics Veteran
Stratics Legend
Even though I try so hard to make myself palatable to you.

What does it take, Nicholas?

What does it take?!
 
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