P
Pluffina
Guest
Okay so my Mother In Law was in town for the weekend, and we sat up talking and then my son was having allergies and my daughter was being a crab pot, and by the time we got to bed it was VERY LATE INDEED and I was very very tired. I fell deep deep into the dreamless sleep of the depleted.
And then after a satisfying 10 minutes or so in which I am SURE I got all the sleep I needed for a week, MY STUPID CAT............
Okay let me pause here and describe my cat. He is a large male Main Coon. He weighs about 20 pounds, and then he has 20 pounds of fur over that. To summarize: He is large. If cats were cars, he would be a tricked out Caddy AND a Buick.
On Saturday, in a moment of pure, vibrant stupidity, he forgot that. He suddenly thought he was a twinkle-toed daisy-light fairy in a drifty skirt with little buzzing wings, and he went LUMBERING down the hall and attempted to hurl himself bodily over the babygate at the top of the stairs.
Now let me tell you, his USUAL method for getting over the baby gate is to drag himself over by inserting his feet in the horizontal slats and heaving himself up it as if it were a ladder. Then, once at the top, he sort of oozes over and flollops to the ground like a giant furry slug.
BUT NOT THIS TIME. This time he thought he was somehow going to go lightly leaping over it like a gazelle. He managed to get himself about 8 inches off the ground and, airborne, he SMACKED VIOLENTLY against the gate, loosing it from its moorings. It toppled over sideways and went hurtling down the stairs with the cat on top of top of it, riding it thumpity-bump down the stairs as if it were a sled, screaming in horror. At the bottom it clattered to an earthshattering halt on the marble floor.
Before he was halfway down the stairs I had already bolted out of bed and flew to the baby's room, sure the crib was collapsing and murdering her. On the way past the stairs I clocked the cat at the bottom stepping off the baby gate in a prissy manner, as if he has NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED HERE.
My mother in law is yelling WHAT WHAT OH LORD WHAT from her bed, my daughter's eyes have popped open and she screaming like she is being eaten by demented bears. In short every female in the house is pop eyed with alarm and every female heart has come leaping out of every female chest cavity and landed with as much grace as the cat in the floor.
Where is bob? Dead asleep.
Where is my son? Dead dead asleep.
Where is the cat? Sauntering off unconcerned, as if to say "I MEANT to do that."
MEN!
Love,
Pluffy
And then after a satisfying 10 minutes or so in which I am SURE I got all the sleep I needed for a week, MY STUPID CAT............
Okay let me pause here and describe my cat. He is a large male Main Coon. He weighs about 20 pounds, and then he has 20 pounds of fur over that. To summarize: He is large. If cats were cars, he would be a tricked out Caddy AND a Buick.
On Saturday, in a moment of pure, vibrant stupidity, he forgot that. He suddenly thought he was a twinkle-toed daisy-light fairy in a drifty skirt with little buzzing wings, and he went LUMBERING down the hall and attempted to hurl himself bodily over the babygate at the top of the stairs.
Now let me tell you, his USUAL method for getting over the baby gate is to drag himself over by inserting his feet in the horizontal slats and heaving himself up it as if it were a ladder. Then, once at the top, he sort of oozes over and flollops to the ground like a giant furry slug.
BUT NOT THIS TIME. This time he thought he was somehow going to go lightly leaping over it like a gazelle. He managed to get himself about 8 inches off the ground and, airborne, he SMACKED VIOLENTLY against the gate, loosing it from its moorings. It toppled over sideways and went hurtling down the stairs with the cat on top of top of it, riding it thumpity-bump down the stairs as if it were a sled, screaming in horror. At the bottom it clattered to an earthshattering halt on the marble floor.
Before he was halfway down the stairs I had already bolted out of bed and flew to the baby's room, sure the crib was collapsing and murdering her. On the way past the stairs I clocked the cat at the bottom stepping off the baby gate in a prissy manner, as if he has NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED HERE.
My mother in law is yelling WHAT WHAT OH LORD WHAT from her bed, my daughter's eyes have popped open and she screaming like she is being eaten by demented bears. In short every female in the house is pop eyed with alarm and every female heart has come leaping out of every female chest cavity and landed with as much grace as the cat in the floor.
Where is bob? Dead asleep.
Where is my son? Dead dead asleep.
Where is the cat? Sauntering off unconcerned, as if to say "I MEANT to do that."
MEN!
Love,
Pluffy