P
Pluffina
Guest
I was entered into the YMCA chicken fight last night.
In truth, my secret plan was to grab a chicken at the last second, drag him over there, and watch him drop like a stone in the first round. But while I was buying still more blank scrolls over at the Lyceum in Moonglow, I saw a chicken, a scrappy little street chicken. I asked him his name -- he said it was RusselCrow. Now THAT is a name with bankable, star quality. He looked like he had just eaten, but had the scruffy look of a chicken with no permanent home. Still there was something about him....Past the sunken, desperate-for-love look in his beady eye, I could see a certain "Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top" Quality to him, Stupid, but Good hearted, Determined, but wow, really stupid.
So I grabbed Illeana and Paulo, and we set to work taming and training this little little pink feathered ball of hope. (We put on the soundtrack to Rocky for inspiration...duh duhduh duh DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH!) For DAYS (okay, an hour and a half) we dragged this chicken around the Moonglow woods. When he could singlehandedly take out deer, cows, and llamas, we told him he was ready. He was buff and vicious, and had that hunger for the win, for the kill, that every good fighter needs. We banked his butt and went to Destard. At two minutes to fight time, we GRABBED him and dropped stone.
Russel was ready. He won his first fight easily, and strutted proudly back and forth saying cluck cluck cluck. WE WERE IN THE FINALS! Russell was ecstatic, even though in the semi-finals ahead of us there was ONE chicken named Ikilledcolonelsanders who looked like he had INDEED killed ColonelSaunders, eaten him, and converted him into PURE MUSCLE. This chicken WAS VICIOUS. It had KILLED its first sad opponent with a knock-out blow to the gizzard. BUT RUSSELL WAS UNABASHED. "I shall try," he said, voice quavering just like Drew Barrymore's in that Cinderella movie.
But just then, on the other side of the ring, we saw the OTHER chicken in the first round semifinals being slipped a BIG DOSE OF STEROIDS by its owner. "Rel Sanct," said the Owner, and slipped the Chicken-Pumping drugs deep into his birds system.
OH NO! It was agreed that that chicken must SIT OUT until the steroids wore off, and so RusselCrow lost his pass to the finals. We were sent into the SEMIS! AGAINST IKILLEDCOLONELSANDERS!
"No Russel," I said, "Let me protest." But he bravely shook his tiny, wattled head, and walked proudly into the ring where he got his butt handed to him a platter.
After that we retreated to the sidelines and watched IKCS wipe the floor with the oce-drugged chicken. WIPE. THE. FLOOR. Russel, Buff as he was from 1.5 hours of intensive training, had held a tiny piece of his own against IKCS, but poor Swinger, hung over from the steroids and trained at his owner's admission for about 3 minutes, could not compete. It was all over.
Russel admitted that IKCS was indeed the better chicken, but he bitterly protested that a chicken who was given steroids and who he could have easily beaten should walk away with the silver crown.
I DEMAND A REMATCH! He Squawked.
"Shut up, Russel," said Illiana.
"I WAS ROBBED! ROBBED," he bellowed to the uncaring gods.
" TOUGH IT OUT RUSSEL, YOU WHINER, I said.
He looked up, his cheeks dusted with tears (Wait? Do chickens HAVE cheeks? I don't think they do -- let's just say, "The face parts under his eyes were dusted with tears"
. He looked up at me, the face parts under his eyes dusted with tears, and said, "but...but...I coulda beena a contendah." His heart had wizened with hope denied, the knowledge that a lesser chicken had taken his glory-spot ruined his focus, and his spirit was clearly broken beyond repair. We took him downstairs and released him from his boxing contract. He headed immediately to the cemetary to throw himself, no doubt, into a fruitless battle with a shade and die with a bit of the glory and honor denied him in the World of Professional -fighting.
Love,
Pluffy
PS ALL YOU PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE COME! IT WAS UTTERLY GREAT AND HILARIOUS. EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE RUSSEL LOST. THAT PART SUCKED. You would have hated that part.
Visit Plush by Pluffy, a UO Decorator's Website
In truth, my secret plan was to grab a chicken at the last second, drag him over there, and watch him drop like a stone in the first round. But while I was buying still more blank scrolls over at the Lyceum in Moonglow, I saw a chicken, a scrappy little street chicken. I asked him his name -- he said it was RusselCrow. Now THAT is a name with bankable, star quality. He looked like he had just eaten, but had the scruffy look of a chicken with no permanent home. Still there was something about him....Past the sunken, desperate-for-love look in his beady eye, I could see a certain "Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top" Quality to him, Stupid, but Good hearted, Determined, but wow, really stupid.
So I grabbed Illeana and Paulo, and we set to work taming and training this little little pink feathered ball of hope. (We put on the soundtrack to Rocky for inspiration...duh duhduh duh DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH!) For DAYS (okay, an hour and a half) we dragged this chicken around the Moonglow woods. When he could singlehandedly take out deer, cows, and llamas, we told him he was ready. He was buff and vicious, and had that hunger for the win, for the kill, that every good fighter needs. We banked his butt and went to Destard. At two minutes to fight time, we GRABBED him and dropped stone.
Russel was ready. He won his first fight easily, and strutted proudly back and forth saying cluck cluck cluck. WE WERE IN THE FINALS! Russell was ecstatic, even though in the semi-finals ahead of us there was ONE chicken named Ikilledcolonelsanders who looked like he had INDEED killed ColonelSaunders, eaten him, and converted him into PURE MUSCLE. This chicken WAS VICIOUS. It had KILLED its first sad opponent with a knock-out blow to the gizzard. BUT RUSSELL WAS UNABASHED. "I shall try," he said, voice quavering just like Drew Barrymore's in that Cinderella movie.
But just then, on the other side of the ring, we saw the OTHER chicken in the first round semifinals being slipped a BIG DOSE OF STEROIDS by its owner. "Rel Sanct," said the Owner, and slipped the Chicken-Pumping drugs deep into his birds system.
OH NO! It was agreed that that chicken must SIT OUT until the steroids wore off, and so RusselCrow lost his pass to the finals. We were sent into the SEMIS! AGAINST IKILLEDCOLONELSANDERS!
"No Russel," I said, "Let me protest." But he bravely shook his tiny, wattled head, and walked proudly into the ring where he got his butt handed to him a platter.
After that we retreated to the sidelines and watched IKCS wipe the floor with the oce-drugged chicken. WIPE. THE. FLOOR. Russel, Buff as he was from 1.5 hours of intensive training, had held a tiny piece of his own against IKCS, but poor Swinger, hung over from the steroids and trained at his owner's admission for about 3 minutes, could not compete. It was all over.
Russel admitted that IKCS was indeed the better chicken, but he bitterly protested that a chicken who was given steroids and who he could have easily beaten should walk away with the silver crown.
I DEMAND A REMATCH! He Squawked.
"Shut up, Russel," said Illiana.
"I WAS ROBBED! ROBBED," he bellowed to the uncaring gods.
" TOUGH IT OUT RUSSEL, YOU WHINER, I said.
He looked up, his cheeks dusted with tears (Wait? Do chickens HAVE cheeks? I don't think they do -- let's just say, "The face parts under his eyes were dusted with tears"
. He looked up at me, the face parts under his eyes dusted with tears, and said, "but...but...I coulda beena a contendah." His heart had wizened with hope denied, the knowledge that a lesser chicken had taken his glory-spot ruined his focus, and his spirit was clearly broken beyond repair. We took him downstairs and released him from his boxing contract. He headed immediately to the cemetary to throw himself, no doubt, into a fruitless battle with a shade and die with a bit of the glory and honor denied him in the World of Professional -fighting.Love,
Pluffy
PS ALL YOU PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE COME! IT WAS UTTERLY GREAT AND HILARIOUS. EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE RUSSEL LOST. THAT PART SUCKED. You would have hated that part.
Visit Plush by Pluffy, a UO Decorator's Website
