In the not too distant past, there was a council meeting where King Blackthorn showed up wearing a hooded robe. Did you ever wonder why that was?
Why would our royal majesty not be in his traditional robes and fitted crown? Well, I have learned the reason why.
I present to you the story of Karl the Barber…
One day while workin at Mr. Bill Cox’s store a customer came in fussin about how his hair was a lookin. He said his regular barber went off and bought the farm. So I says hmmm must be a lot of money in cuttin hair if he can buy his own farm. That feller looked funny at me, funny haha not funny queer. He said his barber shop had been replaced by some funny looking feller, called himself a hair stylist, *mmmm*
So after that I started practicing hair cuttin in between doing odd jobs at Mr. Bill Cox’s store. Soon the customers noticed and started askin me if I’d trim their hair. I said mmhhmm I reckon I could. So I pulls out my clippers, some people call them a pair of scissors, but I calls them clippers. Anyway before long I got me somewhat of a reputation going for hair cuttin.
One day these two fellers, one big and fat, the other one ain’t no bigger than a squirrel, stopped by and ask me if I would be interested in a job. I says no I already got one. They scoffed and said I don’t think ye understand. You see the king needs a quick trim before an important meeting or what not and he would pay well for my services.
Allright then, I says, and go to get my clippers and hair cuttin tools. I waved goodbye to Mr. Bill Cox and the customers and off we a went to Blackthorn’s Castle. It was a great big place with all kinds of folks comin and goin’. Like something out of them fairy tales a mama reads to her youngin at bed time.
We walked up lots and lots of stairs. The big fat man said he had to stop, he was out of breath… said his feet hurt. So me and the little feller went on ahead without him.
Finally we reached the top and the little feller said this is the place. Go right inside and you’ll meet King Blackthorn. I says allright then, and told little feller he better get on back down them stairs before some hawk swoops down and tries to fly off with him fer breakfast. He didn’t reply kindly to that remark… Mmmmm
So I walks inside and there is a man wearing a crown and a robe sitting in a chair. He was a might antsy and asked me why I took so long to get here. I told him it’s a tad lengthy walk from here to Mr. Bill Cox’s store. He asked me if I was a real barber. I told him yeah, I had lots and lots of practice at the store and up there in the nervous hospital…
He cut my answer short and asked “nervous hospital” ?
The king said I was a real funny fella, funny ha ha , and said I must have a great sense of humor. I asked him how he wants me to cut his hair and he tells me he just wants a trim. So I pull out my hair cuttin tools and tell him to have a seat right over there. This king’s a chatty feller, asking me lots of questions and tellin me about some important meeting he has to go to right after his hair cut. Mmmm all this chattin’ was makin me quite nervous and I guess I took a little too much off one side of his hair. He pulled the mirror up and had a look and was yelling and fussin. So I says allright then, give me a second and I’ll even ya up MmmHmmm.
*snip snip*
Well I made another bad cut with my scissors. King asked me what I was doin' and he thought I was a professional. I told him I can’t cut even with these rusty scissors, but hold on, I says I got something in my bag that will do the job. So I reach in and pull out my old kaiser blade, some people calls it a sling blade, but I calls it a kaiser blade.
Blackthorny didn’t seem happy to see that and he started to turn white as a sheet when he seen it. He asked me what do I plan on doin’ with that kaiser blade?
…I aim to cut ya , I says and his eyes rolled back in his head and fainted.
Tried to wake him to tell him I need to cut his hair, but he ain’t responding. Alright then, I’ll just do it while he’s sleepin MmmHmmmm
*a few minutes pass*
I take my little barber brush and slap the king across his face a few times telling him to wake up your royal hiney, all done!
His eyes opened wide and he was acting all excited. I told him I had to go a little shorter than I intended but I his hair line was all even after a few tries.
The king scowled at me and reached for the hand mirror. When he held it up so he could see hisself, his color changed from pale white to all red. He was very animated and threw his arms around shouting, “What you cut my hair off fer!? What you cut my hair of fer!?”
Well sir, he said a few other words I can’t repeat, but they weren’t too kindly. So he grabbed his little bath robe and snatched the hood over his bald head and ran out of that room like his butt was on fire. Said he was late for that meetin’.
As for me, I’m off to find that little feller so he can pay me for the king’s haircut. Then I reckon I’ll go off and buy the farm.
The End.