Last evening I had the distinct pleasure of attending the most unusual and entertaining wedding I have been to in a long time. That was the nuptials of Habu and Urgz'Gurg at the Orc Fort south of Yew on Trammel done by EM Kasaven. The orc residents of the fort were rounded up and kept in a enclosure to help ensure the safety of those guests who declined to wear a “Mask of Orcish Kin”, or mistakenly wore a plain Orc mask. Unfortunately there was a orc mage in the group and some of the guests felt his displeasure at being locked up. The ceremony itself was a traditional orc wedding meaning short and to the point and was something that should not of been missed. Both the umm.. blushing.. bride and the groom carried axes with them as apparently they are an important part of the wedding ceremony. (Some of the guests were overheard mumbling that they hoped they did not get chopped up after the wedding and made into soup. ) I am not up on Orc wedding traditions but the groom appeared to be inebriated throughout the entire ceremony and I was not sure if that was a tradition or not.
For those of you who were unlucky enough to miss it the following transcript is provided..
EM Kasaven: Welcome, everyone! *nods to Habu and Urgz'Gurg*
Urgz'Gurg: *growls happily to herself*
EM Kasaven: Before we begin, I have some advice for you both, or more so Habu! Long ago I married a couple similar to you two.
Habu: *scratches*
EM Kasaven: Not quite Orcish, but rather two Ettin. A lovely couple, both towered over me by at least four feet, and wore quite exotics raiment’s. The ceremony was lovely, the feast was wonderful, the ale hearty!
Habu: har!
EM Kasaven: Yet, a few days later, I visited the couple, as I do every couple I wed, to check up on them. On the third day I came to the bride and found her alone. I inquired to her husband's whereabouts, whereas she informed me that she had eaten him after the wedding!
Habu: skah!
Urgz'Gurg: hohohoho
EM Kasaven: I do not know if this is Orc custom as well, but my best advice for you, Habu, is to stay awake your entire honeymoon! Or cover yourself in Tabasco sauce, if that is your preference. *Grins*
Habu: yub! har!
Urgz'Gurg: *gurgles to herself*
Habu: nub git ideez breedur!
EM Kasaven: *opens his book*
Urgz'Gurg: *sideways glance*
EM Kasaven: Since the first rays of the sun shone on Britannia, the mighty orcs ruled the lands. Humans and elves tremble at the mere mention of the orcs! Hoorah!
Habu: hoowah!
Urgz'Gurg: yeb!
EM Kasaven: The only thing mightier than an orc, is two orcs! Hoorah!
Habu: hoowah!
Urgz'Gurg: hoowah!
EM Kasaven: Two axes: one purpose, one strength, one vision. Do you Habu, take Urgz'gurg to be one of your mates?
Habu: hrm
Habu: yub!
EM Kasaven: Do you Urgz'gurg, take Habu as your chief provider and mate?
Urgz'Gurg: yub yub!
Habu: *nods*
EM Kasaven: Habu, do you wish to speak any vows to your Bride?
Habu: yub
EM Kasaven: *nods*
Urgz'Gurg: yub?
Habu: latz meebz bestust breedur
Urgz'Gurg: oooaww....
Habu: agh meebz alwayz happi when latz arownd togethur
Urgz'Gurg: *grins*
EM Kasaven: *smiles*
Habu: we klomp dem ull!
Urgz'Gurg: klomp klomp klomp!
Habu: *takes a drink*
EM Kasaven: Urgz`gurg, do you wish to speak any vows to your Groom?
Urgz'Gurg: yub.
EM Kasaven: *nods*
Urgz'Gurg: dun do aniting stoopyd.
Habu: har!
Habu: *pokes*
EM Kasaven: *grins* Let the world tremble for the two orcs have joined as one! You may kiss the bride!
Urgz'Gurg: *bares teeth*
Habu: *grabs*
Urgz'Gurg: ughh!
Habu: har! *smooooch*
Urgz'Gurg: *smooch*
Habu: har!
EM Kasaven: *grins*
Urgz'Gurg: *grabs*
EM Kasaven: Congratulations!
Urgz'Gurg: *SMOOCH*
EM Kasaven: I Now pronounce you Man, and Breeder! or..Orc *laughs*
Habu: hoowah!
Urgz'Gurg: Hoowahhh!
(Left picture)The last of the guests after the bride and groom had left to breed. (Right picture)Some of the wedding guests just could not handle their drink.
If you have never seen two orcs kiss count your blessings because it is not a pretty sight. The wedding was followed by massive amounts of drinking and eating of various types of meat. (I’m still not sure what I consumed, but it would have been rude not to eat. Plus insulting a orc by turning down an offer of food, you might end up as their next meal. So I ate some and acted like I enjoyed undercooked meat of .. ummm.. some sort.) When asked where the couple planned to spend their honeymoon I cannot post here what they said. Let us just say they plan on starting to a very large family and soon. So readers keep your eyes open I get the feeling that orc race will start appearing all over the place again. So keep some extra gold on yourself because the orcs may start demanding tribute once again.
For those of you who were unlucky enough to miss it the following transcript is provided..
EM Kasaven: Welcome, everyone! *nods to Habu and Urgz'Gurg*
Urgz'Gurg: *growls happily to herself*
EM Kasaven: Before we begin, I have some advice for you both, or more so Habu! Long ago I married a couple similar to you two.
Habu: *scratches*
EM Kasaven: Not quite Orcish, but rather two Ettin. A lovely couple, both towered over me by at least four feet, and wore quite exotics raiment’s. The ceremony was lovely, the feast was wonderful, the ale hearty!
Habu: har!
EM Kasaven: Yet, a few days later, I visited the couple, as I do every couple I wed, to check up on them. On the third day I came to the bride and found her alone. I inquired to her husband's whereabouts, whereas she informed me that she had eaten him after the wedding!
Habu: skah!
Urgz'Gurg: hohohoho
EM Kasaven: I do not know if this is Orc custom as well, but my best advice for you, Habu, is to stay awake your entire honeymoon! Or cover yourself in Tabasco sauce, if that is your preference. *Grins*
Habu: yub! har!
Urgz'Gurg: *gurgles to herself*
Habu: nub git ideez breedur!
EM Kasaven: *opens his book*
Urgz'Gurg: *sideways glance*
EM Kasaven: Since the first rays of the sun shone on Britannia, the mighty orcs ruled the lands. Humans and elves tremble at the mere mention of the orcs! Hoorah!
Habu: hoowah!
Urgz'Gurg: yeb!
EM Kasaven: The only thing mightier than an orc, is two orcs! Hoorah!
Habu: hoowah!
Urgz'Gurg: hoowah!
EM Kasaven: Two axes: one purpose, one strength, one vision. Do you Habu, take Urgz'gurg to be one of your mates?
Habu: hrm
Habu: yub!
EM Kasaven: Do you Urgz'gurg, take Habu as your chief provider and mate?
Urgz'Gurg: yub yub!
Habu: *nods*
EM Kasaven: Habu, do you wish to speak any vows to your Bride?
Habu: yub
EM Kasaven: *nods*
Urgz'Gurg: yub?
Habu: latz meebz bestust breedur
Urgz'Gurg: oooaww....
Habu: agh meebz alwayz happi when latz arownd togethur
Urgz'Gurg: *grins*
EM Kasaven: *smiles*
Habu: we klomp dem ull!
Urgz'Gurg: klomp klomp klomp!
Habu: *takes a drink*
EM Kasaven: Urgz`gurg, do you wish to speak any vows to your Groom?
Urgz'Gurg: yub.
EM Kasaven: *nods*
Urgz'Gurg: dun do aniting stoopyd.
Habu: har!
Habu: *pokes*
EM Kasaven: *grins* Let the world tremble for the two orcs have joined as one! You may kiss the bride!
Urgz'Gurg: *bares teeth*
Habu: *grabs*
Urgz'Gurg: ughh!
Habu: har! *smooooch*
Urgz'Gurg: *smooch*
Habu: har!
EM Kasaven: *grins*
Urgz'Gurg: *grabs*
EM Kasaven: Congratulations!
Urgz'Gurg: *SMOOCH*
EM Kasaven: I Now pronounce you Man, and Breeder! or..Orc *laughs*
Habu: hoowah!
Urgz'Gurg: Hoowahhh!
(Left picture)The last of the guests after the bride and groom had left to breed. (Right picture)Some of the wedding guests just could not handle their drink.
If you have never seen two orcs kiss count your blessings because it is not a pretty sight. The wedding was followed by massive amounts of drinking and eating of various types of meat. (I’m still not sure what I consumed, but it would have been rude not to eat. Plus insulting a orc by turning down an offer of food, you might end up as their next meal. So I ate some and acted like I enjoyed undercooked meat of .. ummm.. some sort.) When asked where the couple planned to spend their honeymoon I cannot post here what they said. Let us just say they plan on starting to a very large family and soon. So readers keep your eyes open I get the feeling that orc race will start appearing all over the place again. So keep some extra gold on yourself because the orcs may start demanding tribute once again.
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