S
Stupid Miner
Guest
(From the desk of your EM on Sonoma: A Bio)
The Story of Lubku Gotugwak
I first met Lubku at a meeting in the counselors hall. She had been
asked to tell her life story and I was eager to hear. The elderly
woman had overcome hardships and discrimination and now spent her time
helping others become their dreams.
Lubka heard her name called and slowly proceeded to the podium. She
was still surprised to have been asked to tell her story in front of a
large gathering in the guild hall. She was old and moved slowly yet
with a musical lilt. Her hair was thinning so she had pulled it up
high in a knot at the top of her head. Her clothes were old and well
worn but clean. In one arm she carried a helmet that looked
suspiciously like a pot. In the other she had a big grubby sac that
looked stuffed with all sorts of scavenged treasure. When she turned
to the audience she smiled revealing small pointy teeth. They were not
a pure white, more an ecru shade, but not rotting either.She spoke in
a low harsh voice.
" 'Lo" it was a whisper. Then "'LLOO humies" * she had a dimple in
her right cheek*
The auditorium was full of people clapping for her.
" Me called Lubku Gotugwak bub it okay yoo call me Lubku or iffin yoo
weally like me Lubby. Lubby make me feel lubbed. Me like be lubbed.
Now me tell humies story ob Lubku.
Me born near humie town call it Cove. Live wibf orc . Me Ma wub orcie
bub nub me da. He nub orc. He humie like yoos. Me nub know Da. Ma say
he name "Gudfer Nubking" Me tink it silly name, Nubking. Me now me Da
Nub a king."
Harharhar. She broke into laughter until a tear ran down her face.
"Yub, Where were me? " she looked as though she was pondeering then
nodded, "Yub,I remember, me nub know Da, bub Me know Shardie Clan.
Dems nub nice. Dems say me schtink like humie." she put her and on her
hips and proclaimed, " Nub me fault me Da humie. Nub, nub, bub Orcies
treat Lubku bad." She looked up at the roof ,then right into the
middle of the gathering. "Come to tink ob it, dems bad to all orcie
girlies. Dem nub let leave fort. Girlies nub fish, nub hunt, nub learn
pokie pokie wib big schtick or axe.Yoo ever see orcie girlie in
raiding party? Nub! Orcie girlie do dishes. Orcie girlie make bed.
Orcie girlie make grog, cook stew. Me nub like dat. Me like moosak."
Lubku did a little pirouette and wiggled a bit while humming.
"Yub, Moosak is me mojo! Me lub Moosak an' ta dance. Yoo humies like
moosak? Clap yoo like!" She grins her pointy grin and continues. "yub,
Where me at. hmm.. Yub yub. Me know. Me da he like moosak too. He gib
me ma nice shiny toy. It make moosak. Me still hab. Me show yoo."
Lubka methodically opened her sac and rifled around in it. "hmm where
me put, where me put. Aha, me find" She gave off an aura of
satisfaction and pulled out a very old lap harp. It was battered and
missing a string but she stroked it as though it had been made by the
finest elven artisan. Perhaps it was. It looked like yew wood and as
though it had runes engraved around the outside.
She looked at it and sighed. "Me need new string." Then she plucked
one of the remaining strings, then another. The sound was melancholy,
a minor key. The melody seeped into my soul. All anger washed from me
and I was filled with the deepest sadness I had ever felt. Each note
pulled a painful heartbeat from my chest. I thought I could see notes
rising above the harp as she played. I looked around and saw despair
on the faces of all the other attendees. " Me wrote dat when me ma
died."
" Okay, me get back to story. Shardies nub like Lubby. One day Orcie
Lord name Nubgud come to me an' say, 'Me Nub Like Moosak. Me gib
yoo, Lubku, big boot. Yoo leave' Me feel bad. Me nub want leave me ma.
*sigh* Me wait bub Lord Nubgud nub come wibf boot. Me stubborn. Me nub
leave now wibfout boot. Dens Nubgud come say 'Why Lubku schtill here.
Me tell yoo go!' Me say Me Nub get boot. Me go when Me get boot. Dens
me see hims mad. Hims hit Lubby wibf big fist. Me nub like dat. Nubgud
and hes cronies put Lubku in boat. Dat make me happy! Me tinks me go
fishing. Me like to eat fish. Bub nub.*sigh* Dems hit me again an put
me in bottom of boat. We go far in big pond. Den me feel sick. Dere is
burpulence in water. Me tink it like big pond get flatulence. Me nub
like. Me want to get back on land. *sighs exasperately* Finally dems
pull up to shore. It very cold and icy. Me hear dems say dis Ice
Island. Me nub need dems tell me dat. Me see all icy and schnowy. Den
me hear dems say 'lets tie up Lubku and take Lubku schtuff' Me nub hab
much schtuff. Me moosak toy and some clothes. Ma gib me 100 shinies.
*wide smile* me like shinies. Dems put chains on me wrists and legs
and poke me wibf a schtich. Nub too hard just to make me mad. Den
schometink nice happen to Lubku. Humies come out of big tower. Dems
have long sharpie knives and pokies. Dems poke Lord Nubgud and kill
him. Dems unchain me and ask if me okay. Humie nice to Lubku. Me
surprised humies be nice. Shardies say all humies bad and schtink.
Humies look through orcie schtuff bub nub take. Dems say dis all junk.
Yoo want, yoo can hab. Me feel all excited and happy, Me say Me want
Nubgud boots. Hims promise me hes boots.*grins with a twinkle in her
eye* Me still have boot me show yoo."
Again she rummages around in her over sized sac. *laughing* "Yub I
find." She sniffs the boot. " Still smell like Nubgud. Yoo want to
smell?*angles the boot toward the crowd* It schmell like wet dog!*
gaves a contemplative look* Wet dog smell nicer den Nubgud. Wet dog
smell like good friend who keep me warm when raining and I sleep alone
outside. Wet dog wag tail and lick face. Wet dog get eaten by troll"
*another tear ran down her face and she plucked her harp once more.*
