Yes, happy birthday, Lady Kat. To celebrate, I bring you a birthday message from Kizukai.
Dear Lady Kat.
You've got purple hair. This is because one or both of your parents had purple hair, because that's how these things work, and if they both had brown hair, you'd have brown hair too! Father told me that. I like your purple hair. It is bright and shiny, but if I touch it, you will put a sharp thing in me and I will be dead. Father told me that too.
You always are cruel to me and you do glaring and slapping and kicking and you call me names that are hurtful. But you do the same thing every time, and I like people who are consistent more than people who are not consistent. So I like you and I want to be your friend, and that means I am your friend, even if you're not my friend. You are not the friend of many people because you are a Dread Lady, but many people like you!
I am going to say that I hope the day on which you were born many years ago is a happy one. You were born once, on this day! I don't know whether you had purple hair then, but you were much smaller, and probably fatter, and I think you would have had larger eyes, because babies have big eyes... like when I met my aunt's baby, and he had big eyes, and he kept looking at me and putting his finger in his mouth. You would have looked like that! But you don't any more.
Now I have to stop writing because I write very long things and I am running out of paper and ink.
Happy birthday, Lady Kat! I hope you get sharp things and innards and spiky things with blood on them, and torn-out hearts and severed hands, and mummified heads and pickled fetuses, and preserved skeletons, and also lots of cake.
Love,
Kizukai.
PS - I want purple hair too, but I don't have purple hair.
