t’s happened to Respect, Courtesy, & Civility etiquette?
I’ll just be blunt, without trying to be proper. And by the way, I've been guilty of this, same as most of us. So here goes: Showing consideration for other's feelings shouldn’t be hard. It’s as easy as opening the door for someone or showing honor and esteem to an elder. A polite remark for no apparent reason or a respectful attitude can go a long way these days. Unfortunately, disregard and disrespect seem to be more prevalent than ever
The Problem
I’ve been blown away recently with such a bold & blatant lack of Respect for one another’s feelings, generally speaking. Don’t we owe each other common Courtesy? Without the glue of Regard, there’s no substance to hold Respect together.
This doesn’t mean the recipient of Courteous Civility should have a grandiose sense of entitlement. It simply means we have an obligation to extend our Regard to others out of Respect for the individual’s feelings. It’s an unspoken kindness. Without it, a sense of selfishness is created.
Fruit Nature
A different nature lives inside us, if we allow it. We’re constantly at war with ‘self’, fighting desires, both positive & negative, that must be dealt with accordingly.
If the fruit that we produce rots, it’s because it wasn’t nurtured. If we nurture each other with Respect, Regard, & Courtesy it’ll produce Civility.
The outcome will be healthy fruit! When we dishonor an individual’s feelings, it produces rotten fruit for that person in the form of disappointment, anger or resentment.
Where's Respect?
Let’s have some straight talk here. Why bother wasting your breath suggesting you’ll do something, then not do it? It’s disrespectful. Why say you’ll extend a favor if you have no intention of doing so? Isn’t it easier to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that for you” or how about, “I don’t think I can promise you that”. I know, you really meant to do it, but never got around to it. If you can’t follow up, show Regard by informing them you can’t come through with the assurance. A simple, “I apologize for……” goes a long, long way. A casual disregard, by NOT following up, is tasteless. Don’t you know that it sends a message to the other individual that their feelings aren’t important?
Where's Courtesy?
Better yet, why tell a person you’ll “….call in a day or two.” Or “I’ll contact you……” Two days go by, then three, and you still haven’t contacted them. By that time you’re off on another tangent, going on your merry way, figuring, “Oh well, they’re probably really mad by now…I’ll just wait & see if they call me back & if they don’t I’ll pretend I never promised & forget about it.” You may forget about it, or you may not, but I can assure you the one you never called back remembers it! You’ve just produced some rotten fruit for that person. To be dismissed in such a casual manner is humiliating, and, depending on the circumstance, down-right degrading. No acknowledgement is not a justification for bad manners.
Just throwing this in here subliminally.......
Where's Civility?
How about how we attack others with words? That's when it gets personal. When the adjectives used to describe an individual or the person's belief are preceded by the word "you". Maybe your intention was NOT a personal attack, but when the word "you" was included in the verbal or written statement, THAT made it personal. Ever thought about rearranging your sentences, both verbal and written, in a way to be more constructive? Think about it.
Before you decide I’m being overly sensitive, obsessing, or over-reacting, think about this:
Doesn’t everyone, regardless of whether they’re a casual acquaintance or not, deserve courtesy & respect, to say the least? Your disregard for their feelings will make them wonder, “What was your intent?” They may find themselves asking the question, “Is common courtesy not in you?” NOBODY likes to be casually “blown off” by someone they believed cared about their feelings.Besides, it sends a direct message that your feelings aren't important.
Let’s show some Civility! Doing nothing is worse than what you were afraid was going to hurt them in the first place. Maybe it just doesn’t matter to you whether you get back with them or not. Oh well. So you say, “Never mind…” What do you call that? Disregard. Disrespect, and uh, yeah; it makes you dishonest too, especially if you didn’t follow up with them as agreed. So what if you didn’t want to continue the friendship? What if you really didn’t want to go to the banquet with Fred? Get with the other person and give an explanation, for crying out loud!! Don’t ignore it like it’ll go away. There’s a way to avoid disrespect…..by honestly communicating. Show some Regard!
The Cold, Hard Truth
Of course, we've got to realize there's some people out there that just DON'T care about your feelings. Bingo. The narcissist type personality, perhaps, or the inflated ego. And there are those individuals who just don't give a crap about others in general. Period. In the case of those, these words mean nothing. But I'd like to believe that all humans are capable of producing good fruit, whether they choose to or not. There's something about the fruit of Respect, Regard, & Courtesy that's contagious and seems to bounce off of one person on to another.
I used to believe it was too late to say “I’m sorry” until I found myself apologizing to a person I’d wronged 22 years earlier. I don’t claim to be the martyr for Apology, I’m merely giving an example. The point I’m trying to make is that Respect, Courtesy, & Civility with each other is the foundation for honorable Value. It seems to have slipped away & been replaced with the opposite: disregard, disrespect, & dishonor. The question is, “What are we going to do about it?”
"Emotional disrespect by rude disregard or abrupt dismissal sends a message (without words) that your feelings aren't important."
