Alira's Journal

[Alira Drakrul]

Link to the journal on the Catskillsrp.com forums: Alira's Journal

*This very old book can often be found somewhere in Alira's room. It has an iron clasp that appears to be magically sealed and is covered in unfamiliar leather that has been dyed blue. There is a glyph on the clasp in the shape of a gothic 'D'. The glyph pulses with a cerulean light. It can only be opened by someone of the same vampiric lineage as Alira or who has Alira's blood in them. The touch must be with bare skin. If the blood connection is identified, the glyph will glow a deep crimson and the clasp will become unlocked. Touching any object with the glyph without the required blood connection with elicit a tingling sensation in the user, but nothing else harmful. *

The Drakrul Glyph

 

[Alira Drakrul]

I have posted a notice up with a reward for more information or the return of my family heirlooms.

The ancestral grave was looted yesterday as I slept. They must have watched and waited for Lilian to leave before entering. My father's sword and my family's ashes stolen. The dirt was scattered and the gravestone defiled with a mark written in blood. I do not know what this symbol means.

*The mark is drawn on the page of the journal*

I could not identify whose blood it was, but it had undertones reminiscent of Aedon's. I am very familiar with the scent of his blood having spilled it many times.

I pride myself in identifying intruders and uninvited guests in my home. In this hidden world of predators, you must protect yourself against assassinations or treachery. A foolish kindred is often one who doesn't live long.

Two scents stood out in the still air of my home like a beacon. Their foreign odor reeked against the familiarity of my home.

Skylar and Aedon.

Foolishness. Aedon must not have been here of his own will. He is not foolish enough to do this. If I had not smelled his scent on the blood, I would think he simply stopped by to visit. Aedon would have knocked and left rather than let himself in. They had no reason to let themrselves into my home unannounced.

So I suspect Skylar is somehow the source or at least involved in the grave robbing. The Vadan'Myr appear to share many traits with kindred. If this is indeed accurate, then Lord Penrose should be the equivalent of her sire. As such, etiquette would dictate that I speak to him about his spawn and the annoyance she has become. As with vampires, you sometimes have prodigy that spoil after embrace... and must be neutered or put down.

If this act was done with his permission or at his request, our dance will change.
I shall call on him after I speak with Arkon.

 

[Alira Drakrul]

*written in blue ink, with smooth cursive handwriting*

"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul. "​

 

[Alira Drakrul]

Kine.
****ing Kine.

Their desire for self-destruction is both exhausting and fascinating. How is it that so many remain alive when emotions drive their every action, often to the point of blindness of the faults of their logic? Do they get satisfaction and a peace of mind from having their lives snuffed out even if it does nothing to solve the problem?

When the Gryphons were taken by Lord Penrose the other night. I watched this lack of common sense just build within the group that remained... almost a religious vigor. As if it was their holy ****ing scripture that they had to self-sacrifice to save their friends. How is it going to save them if you die?

One of them, I believe she is a citizen of Trinsic, was intent on using herself as a trade to get the people back. If Penrose had wanted her, he would have taken her when he took the Gryphons. Besides, Penrose isn't stupid. He took two and she is only one... simple math. If they wanted to trade for them back... you have to put a better offer on the table. So that one would have to be one hell of an amazing temptation to have succeeded. The lady's plans probably would have resulted in them either dropping her to the dirt or yet a third captive with nothing affecting the original dilemma. I do remember the attack on Skylar awhile back, and I suggested that they find the individual who did that attack. Perhaps access to that canned meat would have been enough to tempt him.

Did they listen? Of course not.
****ing kine.

Penrose. I honestly don't know much of what drives that man, but I suspect he views the world is a similar fashion to me. If I'm correct, it is both refreshing and dangerous. He doesn't appear to act on emotion most of the time. I've seen glimpses of what I suspect is emotion, although in most cases it appears to be mainly anger. The mention of Hun'ep on two occasions have shut down our discussions and I suspect the history between them may be deeper than either has revealed.

I met with him and attempted to soften the punishment for the Gryphons. While I have no relationship with them, I have invested heavily in the Gryphon clinic and I would like to see it open to give the citizens of Yew a place to find healing. When I entered he stood to greet me and then offered the seat to me. There was only one chair in his office and that was behind his desk. At first, I suspected he wanted to judge if my recent ailment had caused weakness, but perhaps it was mere politeness. I have noticed how at times his words and actions with indicate us as equals and other times he reverts to his rudeness and condescending tone ... it as if there are two very different men in his damaged exterior. I don't think he has had anyone speak to him the way I do for quite some time and it may be irritating so I attempt to temper my reaction. I acknowledge him on an equal field with me and show him the appropriate respect, but only so far as it is a two way street.


I still remain hopeful that Izznet can keep Aedon under control. He crossed a line with me the night of the arrest and I would hate to hold Izznet responsible for further damaging outbursts. If your dog ****s on someone's yard, you clean it up.. I don't remember much of the evening that I slipped into torpor, but I can't fathom what I could have possibly done that would be driving him to this madness. Perhaps something was done during the ritual to bring about this dual personality he is showing. He shares his bed with a kindred, but then talks as if they are monsters while I presume he is ****ing one. I think even his close friends see this contradiction and worry for him. I didn't take my actions for any concern for him, I did it for Yew. He was delusional, paranoid and violent. I couldn't take a chance on him acting either on our citizens or on others who might take offense and bring about another war. I should have just had him secured in a cell or given him to Skylar to hold until the ritual, but I was attempting to take a more gentle approach for the sake of Izznet. I am hopeful with time that his mind clears and he will apologize for the threat his words may have placed on me.

A positive from my evening at Ques was meeting a man named Rorik. Although he appears to be consumed with all the hormones of a yamandon in heat, the remaining personality was not as boring. Although he bore no love for the Gryphons, I found his logic of the situation surprising for what appears to be a kine. He saw the flaws in the plans immediately. I know many often view mercenaries as shady and unreliable, but I find them the opposite. They are the very blunt in their desires. Do they play both sides of a conflict? If they are smart, they do. However, you get what you pay for and the good ones always deliver. I might mention him to Arkon.

Speaking of mercenaries, I suspect Adonias has returned. Lilian said she saw signs in the shadows as I lay in torpor and I think I have caught something once or twice myself. He was my personal guard for many years and his loyalty was firm because I always paid his price. My name has been on posters and flyers in many of the cities and I assume he found me again based on those. Regardless, I am uneasy on what his price may be to procure his services again. I do believe he could be clinically insane, but his skill is truly a gift. I have yet to find anything that would give him pause if I asked it. A monster even among us.


I have been slowly rebuilding my power in Yew. Cirilia has stood faithfully by my side in the face of adversity. Portia would be very proud of her childe. Lilian, despite being bound, remains a challenge. Her logic is wonderful and her technique of teaching others is gifted, but her actions are frustrating. It is as if she goes out of her way to make my position more difficult without being openly defiant. A new one has joined my side, becoming retained. Her grandmother served as a guardian many years ago and she wished to follow her in her footsteps. She is young and untested, but holds much promise. I am worried that she has been sheltered most of her life and may not be able to handle all the horrors the shadows hold. She is committed and devoted to me without blood. It was almost tempting to see that loyalty remain unmarred without the conviction of blood behind it. If she manages to prove herself, I may offer her something beyond the scope of our contract.

We have a new building being constructed near Yew. It is going to be a tavern and meeting hall. Although I have not seen the governor pro tempore in some time, but if Arkon survives his bid for governor next election... it will serve him well.

 

[Alira Drakrul]

*written in elegant cursive script and in blue ink*

"They that have pow'r to hurt, and will do none,
That do not do the thing they most do show,
Who moving others are themselves as stone,
Unmovèd, cold, and to temptation slow,
They rightly do inherit heaven’s graces,
And husband nature’s riches from expense.
They are the lords and owners of their faces;
Others but stewards of their excellence.
The summer’s flow'r is to the summer sweet,
Though to itself it only live and die.
But if that flow'r with base infection meet,
The basest weed outbraves his dignity.

For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;
Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds."​

 

[Alira Drakrul]

*the poems by Emily Dickinson and the journal entry are written in elegant script, the movements perfectly calm*

"A little Madness in the Spring
Is wholesome even for the King,
But God be with the Clown --
Who ponders this tremendous scene --
This whole Experiment of Green --
As if it were his own!"


<><><><><><><><>


"My life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,

So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell."​

Yew continues to progress forward to a peaceful state of existence. Mothers hug their sons as they head off to work alongside their fathers. Children play along the dirt paths that wind wondrously through the city. The monks chant quietly in the Abbey as it stands in silent vigil watch over the city and its people.

I am hearing whispers that folks who once lived here may return again. I hope the whispers are true. The more people, the better. Yew was once a rich, vibrant community with people of all types finding a place to exist within its boundaries.

For too long have folks feared the madness that waxes and wanes. It is a dominant trait in humanity to fear the clinically insane. Perhaps they believe that they themselves might be infected as if it were contagious. Perhaps they fear the actions or words of the afflicted. Their words and proclamations are meaningless. The actions of the insane are often bungling and inept in their execution. There is nothing to fear of madness when it is harbored in the palms of those who have no power.

I am timeless and eternal.
I have forever to see Yew return to its former glory.
Madness will not infect me with its folly and dramatics.
There is nothing that it can do to me that I can not overcome.

 

[Alira Drakrul]

*A loose piece of paper is tucked within the pages of the journal*

 

[Alira Drakrul]

The last few months have left me little time to put my thoughts to paper.

Moonglow has begun to grow in both prosperity and calm. I have seen new faces as I walk the streets. A nod from the elderly who shuffle along the cobblestone. A wave from a young child perched on their dad's shoulders. The smile in the eyes of young women with hopes and dreams of their future. I am a shepherd among her flock.

The contract negotiations with the Infirmary continue to progress. I am pleased that Gillian is not so overwhelmed with hatred that she would ignore such an opportunity. If I am able to secure the contract it will be a boon for the city and its people. I am hoping to be able to have new social programs put in place in the next month. Perhaps such support of the government will help further the growth and migration into the city.

I've met with our trade minster, Keryth. Although he is a man of few words, his keen mind stood in our discussion. We have a meeting with Britain to begin trade negotiations very soon which I hope will lead to improved relations between the two cities.

Reagan has proven herself a wonderful addition to my guard. Now that I have taken the title of Prince of Moonglow in regards to kindred, her watchfulness will be needed more than ever. The temptation to secure her loyalty for eternity remains a constant temptation. When I ruled Skara Brae, my eldest childer Portia was my Seneschal. I see promise in the young woman that makes me ponder whether she could manage the position. It is hard to not compare her to my other childer. She has the softness and naivety of my precious Etheryne. Could I coax the warrior in her out of her shell? The psyche is so fragile that I fear the horrors that exist in my world may drive her young mind insane. I would hate to have to have to be rid of her if she breaks.

So far, Merek has kept his word and has shown me the respect as his partner in the prosperity of the city and not a servant. I defer to him in public as the leader of the kine, but behind closed doors the true nature of our relationship is more evident. I more than most would understand how difficult this must be for him. We are both meant to rule. We do not follow, we lead. We do not bow, we make them break. We do not succumb to pain, we give it back ten-fold. It is very rare to find someone whose mind and ambition mirrors my own so perfectly. He is more physically forceful and blunt in his execution and I focus more on diplomacy and manipulation. If I had met him in my youth when I was younger and more violent, our armies would have laid waste to the kine that stood in our way. Old age and circumstance has tempered that fire and the bloodlust in its depths.

Evil is not a set of parameters... it is perspective.

 

[Alira Drakrul]

(Some entries have happened between last and now that haven't been copied to Stratics. Link: Alira's Journal )

The election approaches.

I hold some anxiety on the subject. I am confident in my ability to govern Moonglow. Ruling is in my blood. The desire calls to me in the very fiber of my being. It isn't that I can rule... it's that I deserve to.

Before my embrace, I looked down on others. Even as a homeless teenager, I was better than them. My situation was of circumstance and I knew it wasn't where I rightly belonged. I had been raised as a noble before my Father's House died to a rival's treachery. Perhaps that remembrance of growing up in such an environment planted the seed of superiority I felt even back as a teenager.

It probably didn't help being embraced into a bloodline that was very exclusive. My sire was treated like royalty, among mortals and kindred alike. When I was embraced, that drive intensified. It didn't just get stronger, it morphed into something entirely. I remember the night when he drained me and my spirit traveled to that other plane. I remember being confronted by It, an abomination of all that I feared lumped into one construct. Instead of running to my sire and using his lifeforce to escape, I turned and faced Death... I stared It down. I wouldn't have won, but in that moment every fiber of my being wanted to answer that roar of challenge. It didn't matter that it was a fight I couldn't win, it was inexcusable that any, even Death, should challenge me. I remembered screaming back at It in defiance and watching it pause at my display. That pause. That momentarily regard would change everything. My sire pleading for me to come back to him as he held my body in his arms was the only thing that saved me.

That defiance when challenged never left me. When I was a young vampire, that drive to rule turned into violence and war. I led my people into battle on a mere infraction of disrespect. Most of those who I have come across recently do not appear to remember me, thankfully. I have kept a close eye on libraries for mentions of my existence. The owners of those collections that do have mention, have been wisely convinced to make those particular books private and under lock and key. I think that many who share my company would be shocked to have seen me at the head of an army. They would have been shocked to see me when I was trained as an assassin in Satamarin.

While I still have those urges, I have a much easier time keeping controlling it now that I'm older. I could feel it come to the surface when John and his entourage came into Moonglow after the sculpter's death and then again when he and Deraj led their group into the tavern to investigate the statues. The younger me would have gone for blood and a fight immediately despite the foolish odds. The very idea of being challenged and disrespected in her own territory would have drove her to such foolishness. How dare they come on my island as if they owned the place? As if my people were there for their questions and then to have been so bold as to damage them in their pursuit of answers? Unthinkable. Those are my things to damage, not theirs. I had a strong private word with John the first time. I think my attitude took him aback as well as my attitude with the second encounter with regards to that little ****, Marcel. I knew when John asked for a few minutes of my time, it was done with the intention of implied threat. I took him up on it boldly, even so far as suggesting a place with complete privacy. That refusal to back down when challenged, as controlled as I keep it, is still at the core of my being. Perhaps we reached an understanding in privacy, perhaps not. I'd like to think that Marcel being nailed to my bulletin board... alive... was actually a twisted form of respect of my authority on the island rather than reckless disrespect and defiance. Time will tell. Too bad none of those idiots with John thought to check his drawers before abandoning him.

That page brings me back to the Church of the Black Sun. As was suggested, I have journeyed there every night to watch it. We left the place in disarray, but I have seen no effort to repair or clean the condition. Each time I have visited, I have used my ability to pull the shadows around me to obscure me as I moved. I stilled my breathing and pulse consciously, although I kept the blush of health in my skin in case someone saw through my disguise. The place was silent and void of presence as best I could see. My companion proves to remain a mystery as to his association with that place and those I asked him about. I would like to know if Marcel was sent to my island by those others he spoke of. If he was, I'd like nothing more than to deposit him in pieces back on their altar. You want to summon a daemon, don't give a ****... just keep it off my island. I am apathetic in regards to the well-being of most of this world, outside of what I need to show to maintain my mask of humanity.

That brings me back to my anxiety.

As Governor, I will be under a much more watchful eye than as an advisor. My nature will be that more difficult to conceal and it means having to be constantly giving my best performance. Under a magnifying glass from enemies and rivals, there can be no mistakes. There are those who know I am a kindred. If I attempt to take this public seat, will I see their accusations surface? If they do and I can't redirect them... what will be ramifications?

**** anyone who tries to take it away from me. This island is mine.

 

[Alira Drakrul]

Well, its official...

I am Governor o' Moonglow.

I finally have the power in the kine's world to create change for the people of Moonglow. I will be able to improve their living conditions. That bureaucracy drags its feet less for those in the right positions. I have a limited amount of time before the next election. I must put forth as many changes as I can before then in case my crown is stripped by an usurper. Moonglow must be made stable. It needs to have the ability to be ultimately independent of relying on other cities for resources. If the rest of the world falls, I will need Moonglow more than ever to preserve our bloodline.


My sire probably wouldn't approve of the risk that Governor brings. He would definitely disapprove of the boldness of my plans behind why. He always preferred the shadows, the less attention the better. You control the one on the throne, not take it for yourself.

Sometimes you have to do what it takes to get the job done.
Sometimes risk is worth the reward.
Sometimes you don't have a choice.





*at the bottom of the page*

I still can't believe that kine ****ing broke my neck. An then watched me for an hour as I lay helpless on the floor... ****, its like something that I would have done.