Ifan,
I thank you too for the picture. You are a talented artist! But to find a woman that also has musical farts? You aim so high! It will be difficult to find such.
hmmm... *looks at drawing again* Wait.. maybe you will. *decides the drawing is a drawing of Grindylow* The next time you are in Britain you should make an effort to meet the fine Lady Grindylow. She just might be the one you have been searching for.
Be well friend.
AW
*trots off to find a titan roll of toilet paper*
Dear Amber Witch,
Thank you for your kind words. I confess that it has been difficult to find a woman that lives up to my stringent high standards, but my quest continues unabated. Please rest assured that I will allow you to evaluate any potential matches before any goods or services are exchanged, as you are a well-educated and savvy woman and you have my respect. I hope to visit Britannia soon, and if you feel that this Grindylow may meet my criteria, I will seek her out.
I will also bring you some patented triple-ply toilet paper from the planet Earth, which is so rich in resources that they use fine paper, denser than parchment and softer than velvet, for the express purpose of post-excremental ablutions. It is a miraculous place. Other extraordinary inventions that I see on a daily basis include a steel chest that expels high-quality coffee from a faucet; a box into which dirty clothing is deposited with a cupful of liquidised soap, to emerge clean and fresh-smelling a mere hour later; and wagons that move without horses or any apparent form of external propulsion. (I am not allowed within one hundred metres of the latter unless I have a minder, following an unfortunate incident wherein Lindae and I stole one and drove it into the produce section of our local supermarket.)
I look forward to seeing you when I am next in Sosaria.
Yours sincerely,
Ifan
